Guess we are burned out
 

Things came to a head this morn with my duaghter after the Civil Rights 'rep' to her to agree to only a one week extension on the close date for the case. Of course this means I have to go over everything and have it affect my goal of just enjoying as best as could Thanksgiving.

I felt like I had lost an ally when she related the call to this guy whom I have never talked to and who let me go thinking we were still going to mediate this case. I know she works in a black and white world in her kind of work and illness and human sservices is anything but that. So when she went black and white and said it was my word against my landlords and he had documented his side and said I hadnt made an appointment to have the old AC put back in it I felt like she was on their side. I did call to make that appointment but got his wife who was very cold and would only keep repeating to me "we will put this AC back in now that it has been cleaned" after I asked if it was still making the noise (of shutting down).

I am a mechanically inclinded person and I research the issue before I called and asked what would be reasonable to expect my landlords to do before they put it in. This person said all it would take is to turn it on and let it run to see if it made the noise that meant it would shut down and stop cooling. I said Angie all I need is to know this was done as putting back on something that doesnt work will further affect my health. I was already in worse shape from them intentionally putting a smaller one didnt say I knew that is exactly what was done. She finally said you have the choice to move out and that was the end of our conversation.

I told my daughter than anyone healthy is gonna look better in a situation like this if illness affects the process. The worker on the case changed and told me things that this person is now saying isnt the case.

I feel ganged up on and like I am just in the way of my daughters going on with a better like without me in the way. At the end my daughter said she is tired of being in the middle and trying to do so much. She said I need to call my other daughter more. She said she called her the other day and she denyed what I have said about not calling me back tho this infact is what has happened consistantly in the last weeks. Infact I called her this week for help today with a doctor appointment. I called her work phone. No call or email back. I have called her for a visit for 2 weeks to her cell and at work and again had not gotten a call back. So now it feels like my oldest is ...............

This is impossible. I cant get diagnosed and too much bother to the people I love.

I called a local hotline to quiet some of this and got some suggestions. The nurse she she felt the intimidation from my landlord qualified as Adult abuse. But when I called they said since he isnt responsible for my care that is not the case so that was a dead end. I just need to get to my acupuncture today I so hope as they will destress my body. Then if I just disappear for a few days things wont seem so hurtful and hopeless.

Annie59

Annie, I'm sorry everything feels so hopeless. You are wise to sort of lay low for a while and wait for the strength to deal with things to return. I wish we could help. Please keep us posted on how things go...

Abby

Abby, After my acupuncture I has some thoughts come. This is not normal for me to feel like this. Not this intense and lost. While it has been a bad few few weeks I dont think I would be this down. I remembered that this has the quality of mood change I have when my vitamin D has dropped and my parathyroid is more elevated. With winter set in I sure havent gotten enough sun. This will be the first winter I couldnt drive myself to a tan salon. My endo wrote a letter this summer saying it was medically necessary so an aid can take me. Now I have more hours of home aid so it should work. But I want to go out and jump in the car and go. This is one of the big changes I am trying to handle I miss that freedom. I thought it would be back by now. The cold of winter is giving me a modest boost in strength.

Annie59

Annie59,

Look into a sunlamp for home use. I used to have one for health reasons, luckily I don't need one now due to the abundant sunshine here where I live now. I hope you are feeling better.

:hug:

Annie59, DesertFlower has a "brite" idea there. Tanning beds really aren't the safest things. If the cooler weather doesn't seem to bother your MG maybe it's better to put on some warm comfy clothes and try to spend a bit of time sitting outside. Natural sunlight is the best source of Vit D, most people only need about 10 mins. daily.

Hope you feel better soon!
Rachel

Actually I have experimented since the 2006 diagnosis with the vit D issue and have discovered I am not the average person in this area. When I was diagnosed it was at the end of summer and I had been out exposing hands and face as docs will say. I tried doing that more and reducing the amount of clothing and such and saw only mild increases. It wasnt untill I started tanning that I saw my numbers really rise and the other piece 'stay up.' I have to work so hard to keep my numbers from plummeting. And then at a certain threshold the deficiency symptoms begin to return. Some of those are from the parathyroid elevating too tho.

I used the lite in my face before I knew I had such little D in me. One of the things that D deficiency can cause is SAD symptoms. So I bought the lite and it helped some but only when the vit D was adressed did the many issues that went with the low D including that disappear.

There is a doc at the univeristy I go to that designed her own program to help her MS. There is a presentation by her I will post a link to here later. One of the things she notes is that her program affects endorphins in that she agressively uses high powered TENS devices as part of her exercise regime. So she notes that the affect to the disease of the endorphine increase is something to note. This struck me in that an alternative treatment used by some for MS is low dose naltrexone or LDN. One of the basis for this is that folks with automimmune disease may tend to have lower levels of endorphines. The reason I bring this up is that I did wonder if the endorphins brought on by the tan bed use had an effect on me that other types getting the vit D didnt.

My youngest daughter connected with me a couple days ago. She said we are going to get together on Saturday as a family for Thanksgiving. This gave me a boost I so needed. I found out that my oldest daughter has a very very sick kitty. This makes her call to me that was so overwhelmed from her standpoint make more sense. When she took her to the vet she ran into the old vet that was such a sweetheart when our kitty nearly died from an animal attack when she was in college. This brought all that back to her, all that emotion of back then added to now. The good piece being that he just happened to walk in the door that day.

I am kinda off on tangents here I think. Hope you can forgive.

Annie59

Annie, I'm glad to hear that a family Thanksgiving celebration is in the works. Sometimes we forget just how overwhelming chronic illness can be for EVERYONE in the family. I'm sure you will continue to find the strength you need through your family.

Please remember that no matter how bad things might seem we all have something to be thankful for. Even the smallest of things can be looked at as a great blessing. Heck, I get excited if I can stand up to brush my teeth!!

Have a beautiful day with your family, keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Rachel