NeuroTalk Support Groups - Dec 19th will be 2 months....

Since Troy died & we miss him soooo much. It hurts sooooo much. We are still waiting for his autopsy--- it'll be 8 weeks today since it was done. The medical examiner says it will probably be 14 to 18 weeks. The waiting is hard. I wanna know the results, But yet I don't. I know he was in pain from being tasered; but I don't know what other kind of pain he went thur. All I can do is wait & I pray ALOT. I pray for justice for Troy. I remember the good memories & the silly ones too. I remember when Troy was 4 or 5 & I sent him into the bathroom to wash up & brush his teeth. After he finished I went in to brush my teeth. My tooth brush was wet so; I asked Troy if he used my tooth brush. He said "no, I used my own"; so I asked him why mine was wet? He said "I brushed the kitty's teeth"!! ((Well, I'm glad I asked)). He was 36 when he died but the memories of him as alittle boy is always with me. He was such a sweet quiet kid.
I still don't understand what wrong that night--- we called for an ambulance & it never showed up until the cops called for it after they realized he wasn't breathing.
The way I cope with this; is when I get upset & start crying & missin Troy; I pray for his brothers & my mom & stepdad who is hurting too. I found that praying for someone else; instead of for myself; helps alot.
If my 10 yr. old grandson didn't live with me, I wouldn't even have christmas at all. I just don't feel like decorating. But I'll put up a tree for him. I always decorated alot for christmas inside & out. I know holidays are hard; I knew it when I was 12 or 13 when my dad commited suicide about aweek before christmas in 1968.
I'm sorry for rattleing on. I will pray for all of you & wish you all find peace & less heartache. Take care.