What to do with a 22 year old who won't accept the diagnosis?
 

Hi I am new to this forum, and am scared and frustrated. My 22 year old daughter was recently diagnosed as bipolar but she refuses to accept the label, and will not take any medications or see any therapists. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks back in October and the experience was beyond frightening - I am worried that it has left her with so many negative impressions that she may never trust a doctor again. She was drugged into a state of utter fog, and was given no particular attention in the hospital. She was released without clear instructions other than to see her psychiatrist for more medication. She lives on her own not near me, and while I have spent time with her, I can only do so for short periods of time because she gets angry and feels that she has no privacy. She seems fine on some days, then on others starts ranting and expressing serious paranoia about things that make no sense. If I try to tell her that she's not making any sense, she says that I just don't understand what is going on in her head. I wish she would get back to treatment but do not know how to make that happen.

If anyone out there has been through something similar - please let me know what might work. Am seeing a therapist myself, which is helping, but I still have no concrete advice on what to do next. Waiting for the next bad thing to happen is just scary, and the loss of control and influence over the kid's behavior is terrifying too.

thanks

Hi ,
I copied your post onto the main bipolar forum also, since your daughter is 22, I think the members will have some helpful information for you.

Maybe your daughter will want to join later on, to share & talk with the members here.

older children
 

I sure understand why you are frustrated with your 22 year old. It hurts when your child makes a decision, or fails to make a good decision. This has happened to me with my daughter. Sometimes they have to find out on their own, what they themselves need. There is a good forum for this subject too. I gave my daughter the best advise I could, and she chose to do something different. As a parent you wish sometimes you had more influence. Ginnie I hope you find peace with your daughter for the new year

I think your daughter has the right idea to want to avoid being "drugged into an utter fog"! The first step should always be to check for any physical condition, allergy, hormone imbalance etc. Proper nutrition, exercise and/or supplements handles most of these so-called "mental disorders". You might try agreeing with her distrust of psychiatry as a first step towards regaining her confidence, then she if she would be willing to try any of the above.

Ellen,

As you and your daughter pointed out, bipolar is just a label. The important point is treatment and healing. Therapy not necessarily for the label "bipolar" but for specific problems in her life. Treatment CAN be accomplished even if the "label" is rejected.

You may also want to contact the parents at www.bpkids.org and take a look at Mark Hyman's book and blog: http://www.ultrawellness.com/blog and Wolfson's as well: http://www.itsnotmental.com

Hi Ellen,

I am 22 years old- I was diagnosed with BP during my first year away at college (age 18). The symptoms I experienced and the diagnosis itself were scary and surreal.

At first I took the meds they handed me, saw a therapist weekly and went to a support group on campus. The support group saved me--- I got to see kids in bad shape who went off their meds and I got advice from kids who were doing well thanks to certain meds. Every week I saw real examples of what BP could turn me into.

At 19 I was experiencing daily hallucinations. My parents didn't like that I was on meds- this plus side effects, plus my warped mind resulted in me stopping my meds alltogether. I decided I was not BP so I didn't need any meds. Within weeks I ended up hospitalized for a week.

Oh and another time for a few months I decided that God would save me and I didn't need meds and started going to church every week. Even though I had never been religious or even stepped into a church before in my life.

My school is far from my parents, we only had phone contact every week or so.

I have been stable with tolerable side effects for 1 year now. (No one would ever suspect I have something wrong with me. I act totally normal now.)

It took lots of medication trials to find the right ones (i'm currently on 6) I was sick alot-- and could barely get to school. I lost friends b/c they didn't understand why I was also too sick to leave my room.

So I guess it took me 3 years to get my BP under control. I work, go to school, go to parties with friends. I'm a totally normal 22 year old college girl. As long as I take care of myself- meds, therapy, eating regularly, daily excercise, regular sleep routine etc. I've learned to watch out for things that set me off like a cluttered room or going to bed too late. It's a learning process and a bumpy ride but eventually she will be able to manage her symptoms.

It was luck and alot of hard work that I have made it through. My parents have never even taken me to a Dr. appt.

For me during that "trial and error" 3 year period it was MOST IMPORTANT that I STAY in a SAFE ENVIRONMENT. I made rules for myself like no driving at night(when I might be hypomanic). Don't leave the house when hypomanic etc.

It may be beneficial for you to live closer to her if possible-- so she has someone nearby to call if she does not feel safe by herself. My parents were very lucky that I figured BP out on my own without too many scars. They had nothing to do with my getting better.


Sorry for the rambling story. Let me know if you would like any more tips. I have been through it all.

its unfortunate
 

hey ellen

I am in a similar situation. i understand your frustration. my daughter is 28 and has been dealing with this diaorder for 3 yrs. i go through very emotion, i am so afraid for her, i want to help her so much but i just do not know what to do to help.i am so angry sometimes and blame myself, i wondered if it was something i did as she was growing up. i do not know sometimes i feel as though i have lost my best friend. she is my first born and a very bright intellegent young lady. nevr gave trouble growing up. i wish i could get her to go into treatment, but she will not go into hospital nor except her condition. she will not stay on her meds. she gets angry at me alot and she is also very paranoid. i am just as frustrated as you r because i have no answers.

To both of your parents that are frustrated. I can totally relate.
THe young folks have to go through denial before they will be ready
to accept the diagnosis. So its going to take some time.

Just continue to be there for them. If they get suicidal enough that
you can have them admitted do that. Love them, and let them know.

I am a parent, but I also am a member of the Adult bipolar room.
But I do not have bipolar. I go there to talk to the adults about
how I can help not only my son, but my sister and others I know
with bipolar. And my own anxiety.

I can tell you it would be something that would help you both.
So come join us.

Donna:grouphug:

Good work
 

Hello, I am the mom of a 22 year old young woman who is very resistant to taking care of herself. I only want to say to you that you should be proud of the hard work you are putting towards caring for yourself. I wish my daughter would do the same.

Good luck to you for your continued success in your life.

I am new to this. my thirty something daughter was diagnosed in her preteens. And she still has many problems. Which still to this day affects her.She does not take care of her self. She just started another mess. And she lives in another state. Anytime she does not think she is given the attention,she deserves she does something to make her the center of attention. I wish my daughter would do the same.You go kiddo.

I have a Bi-Polar Son
 

And so understand where you are at. My son still will not take medication and he has been hospitalized on 4 occasions. Twice it was for suicide attempts. My best advice to you is to show love and acceptance. It is the only thing that has worked at all. We can't force them to take meds-they are adults. It is a disease that that has the potential for ruining families and relationships. My advice is to just show love and support.

Alternatives
 

Your daughter's terrifying experience is all too typical. You should definitely educate yourself. For example it has been found that many of psychiatry's label of "mental disorders" really stem from physical problems.Psychiatrists routinely do not inform patients of non-drug treatments, nor do they conduct thorough medical examinations to ensure that a person’s problem does not stem from an untreated medical condition that is manifesting as a “psychiatric” symptom. Here is a good starting point:
http://www.cchr.org/alternatives/rig...-informed.html

Oh Ellen i feel your pain as my sister is going through this with her 21 yr old daughter. To make matters worse doctors wont really talk to my sister because my niece is an "adult" (real nice, but when she is in trouble who the hell has to bail her out?? The system is screwed up) i have no answers however will pray for you and your daughter, this is a horrible disease :(

Hi,
The niece might agree to sign a HIPAA form that allows the doctors to discuss her case with her mother.

Nami.org has chapters all across the US that help family members.

M

Hi, about our adult children
 

I feel the pain of your situation also. I have a daughter in trouble, and I am helpless to do anything. Noone wants their grown child in a situation where they won't keep the help or seek it on their own. She has already experienced on the bottom to have to go to the hospital. She has to recognize her own trouble and want to do something about it. There is a forum on this site about bipolar, and alot of helpful information right here. I know a number of people who have this disorder, yet do fantastic in life with the proper help. Is there a way to direct this person to this site? Just lurking, and getting to feel comfortable with speaking on the forum may help her. There really is help if she would just reach out for it. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Welcome to Neruo Talk, there are alot of good folks I hope will respond to you. ginnie:hug:

I am new here but I may be able to help...I was diagnosed bipolar at the age of 17 and I didn't want to accept the diagnosis either. I don't want to be negative in any way but me personally has taken years to learn my signs and symptoms...when to walk away and calm down. I now have a 16 year old who was just diagnosed with schizo effective disorder (a mix between schizophrenia and bipolar). I was just devastated because I truly don't want him to have to deal with what I have lived with. The only positive part is that I understand what he is going through and can help talk him through what all is going on in his head. The best way that I can describe it is that I feel like I am in a room screaming as loud as I can and no one hears me....and I want to say I love you don't leave me but what comes out is just hatred...If at anytime I can be of help or answer questions please let me know...I hate to hear of anyone suffering from this :(

Hello Ellen
I understand all to well exactly what you are going through. I myself have a 23 year old daughter who for years fought the diagnosis and treatment. Has she ever participated in any treatment or meds? there is a reason I ask this and it is very important. Also it seems as if the hospital she was in may not have provided the best care for her. Does she have children? I am not trying to pry, but before i speak to much and possibly give wrong advise I want to know how close our situation is.

BP adult child w ADHD, OCD
 

Hello, sorry for what everyone is going thru, as we must continue to keep up the good fight, despite our struggles. Good tips many of you all have posted. One of my three grown sons has had lots of issues but now doing better. And my hub has ADHD, which rears its head now and then, and he is under a lot of job and financial stress. And of course, I'm BP, with some other MI issues and a few health concerns. I usually keep going, just like the little energizer bunny, but sometimes I feel like I'm running in circles, and then my batteries just give out. Then gotta pick up where I can. So, I can relate, and am sending warm wishes and prayers everyone's way. And now, before work, I'm gonna get some physical activity and a little fun distraction (music) to get my mind right. But have enjoyed socializing w you all today. Glad I'm here!:grouphug:

I can relate some too. My son is 25. I recently detailed his experiences under a thread titled "concerned parent".

He hasn't actually been diagnosed as bipolar but he certianly shows many signs. He quit his counseling, won't take medications but is scheduled to see an MD on Friday to rule out allergies or anything else.

He was living on his own and self medicating which created other issues.

Luckily for us he is living with us for now. So we can help guide him through some of this.

I can relate. This is very difficult and frustrating. Especially with no help or guidance from the professionals.

Hang in there.

I have a son who will be 30 this year on September 5th. He has been addicted to meth since he was 17. I believe he is bi-polar like me but also refuses help. The best advice I can give you is don't enable her. I did this with my son and 11 mos ago he finally stole from me and I haven't spoken to him since. It is good that you don't stick around too long when she is displaying inappropriate behavior. I pray that she will get help! I also pray for you, as a mother, that you can find some peace and happiness in your life!

Thanks for sharing Helen.
We went through crazy stuff with our daughter, almost same age. We had no idea what to do and were super scared too. 2 suggs-

1- try to have her join a support group of other your people that aren't her parents or therapists...

2- check out the book "an unquiet mind", it was an incredible resource tool for our daughter and us as well.