moms surgery is today
 

spoke to my mom a couple of times the last few days. Her surgery is this morning the 14th at 10am. She was tearful when we spoke last night, and asked if I would please change my mind about coming down. I restated my desires such as 1. being legal, above board and not hiding in her apartment, to save those days for anyone else. 2. cant sell her pills while I am there. 3. needs to follow the MD instructions. She got very quiet and then told me she didnt understand why I insist on doing things that only serve to take away from her. If she tells the management I am there, it ruins it for the rest of the year, for anyone else to stay. If she cant sell her pills she will not be able to meet her bills, and she will only do what she is able to do from the MD. I screwed up my courage, drew a deep breath, and then said "then, im sorry mom. I love you dearly, but I cannot come." she was quiet and you could hear that she was crying. She told me that I put her in a bad corner. I reminded her that SHE is the one with the power to change that, not me. I am here if she changes her mind.

I managed to change the subject several times, but she swung it around to "what help could I give my sis if she doesnt make it, or doesnt recover?" and "would I help my niece if she didnt make it?" I told her I would love to lie to her all day long, but I am an honest person, and while I feel quite badly for both my sis and her children, I would not be there as a safety net for either, unless they were willing to stand up, and be part of their own lives. If either wants to sit home, chuck back pills, and work the system, they cannot count on me. If my sis wants to call with a genuine request for INpatient care, I would help. It was a long hard conversation.

So, please whisper a little prayer for my broken mother. They are putting double rods in her back and repairing 5 discs. The operation will take about 6 to 8 hours. It breaks my heart that I wasnt able to give her what she sought, but I am not willing to lie, hide, or cheat to help. needless to say, my heart is heavy today.

Dej,
The really hard part has arrived. Sitting steady while tears wash around you. Your mom' story (and sis' )is pathetic, but you do follow rules and are part of the right civilization.

Prayers for your Mom today, Dej. And for you, too. :hug:

As hard as it is you're doing the right thing. Your Mom is trying to bait you with guilt and I'm proud of you that you're not caving into it. Most would......it's hard to stand firm when it's your Mom. But you're doing the right thing and that's very admirable.

I'm adding your Mother to my prayer list, for her to heal quickly and to wisen up.

For you..:hug:

I'll be thinking about you and your mom Dej. It's a shame you don't live close enough just to visit her without staying with her. I imagine that would create a whole other set of problems though. :hug::hug:

mom is still in surgery. According to the nurse, all is on schedule and things are going as well as can be expected. its a llooooong proceedure.

I live quite far from her and it would require a plane trip or a two day drive to get to her.

I hate that I had to say no, but I simply cant show up in that mess. I would be in the hospital myself if I did.

Thanks for the prayers. :hug:

Prayers for you and your mom Dej. I agree with your decision! :hug: :hug:

Tired of waiting to hear from my sis, so I called the hospital and my mom is already in a regular room. They expected her to go to ICU, but she was quite stable and did so well, they popped her in a regular room. The pain she was having in her legs has already let up quite a bit, so she is doing better than expected.

I phoned my brothers and let them know where she is, and how to find her. Both said they probably wouldnt call or visit. I said that was a shame, but I understood. My sis has had this information for a couple of hours, and yet hasnt phoned anyone. nice huh?

TYVM for all the prayers and hugs today. it helped. I am greatly relieved that she survived this proceedure and is resting comfortably.

dag deb, you are just having a day aren't ya? I am thinking about you. And glad to hear surgery went well.

Im glad to hear your mom did well...I will pray for a speedy recovery!:hug: