Husband with TBI
 

On March 9, 2011 my husband of ten years was in a motorcycle accident. He was traveling at about 60-70 mph when the motorcycle he was on hit the curb and then a light pole and he was thrown off the bike approximately 150 feet. It was his brother's motorcycle with bad tires.

He was in the ICU for 4 days, then the Neuro Trauma Unit for another 4 days then transfered as an in-patient to a Rehab facility until March 31, 2011. I spent every day and night at his side until we left the Rehab facility together.

Tomorrow will mark 6 weeks since the accident and he seems to be getting better each day. His memory is getting better & I notice that he remembers us and our fights more than the good times. He remembers things like a jig- saw puzzle (in pieces, and not quite in order). He is very easily agitated and distracted by sudden noise. He is quick to yell at the kids and me.

He used to love me/us so very much and I feel like he hates me more than ever.

The saddest thing about all this is that we were separated before the accident.

On the Sunday before the accident (3/6/2011) he asked me to go on a date with him. We went to the movies and ate dinner at our favorite restaurant. He asked me to forgive him and for us to start all over. I insisted we take it slow. He came back over for dinner on Monday night. I cooked his favorite, chicken marasala and he brought my favorite wine. On Tuesday night we went and got a pedicure together and then we went to our 7 year old son's literacy night at his school, where he read a book he illustrated. When I came out he wasn't there so I thought he left. My son and I went to KFC to get us some dinner and he texted me asking where we were. I told him I thought he left. He came to KFC while we were in the drive thru. It was then I saw my husband of ten years for the last time before his accident. I didn't kiss him good-bye or told him how much I loved him.

On Wednesday morning, I got a terrifying call from his chief that he was in a motocycle accident and was in critical but stable condition in the ICU.

When I finally got to see him that morning. He was on a ventilator, tape all over his face. His ankle was broken. He had badly bruised his lungs and had two broken ribs. He also had some swelling and bleeding in the brain but surgery was not required. He was heavely sedated and all I could do was cry and beg God to please give us a second chance.

I have been through so much these pass 6 weeks. His family have been ruthless in all of this. Thank God Texas is all about the WIFE...

I have felt like crawling in a hole and just dying on some occasssions, but yet I have pushed and passed through it.

I know there are more women just like me who have had to deal with this very same thing. Please help me through this very tough time and tell me he will soon come back to me...

Milesa
There is honestly no way we can tell you that he will come back to you.
But we can tell you that with patience and time that he should continue to get better. But it will take time.

It will take lots of love and patience from not only you, but your kids and his other family for him to get through this. It is more than a little possible that
you will have to start over getting through the times of trial again.

Just because he can't remember that you have started to start over.
But the one thing that is big is that if you love him. And it shows that you do because you have been there for him. Is that you can do this, and
you will make the most for him to come through this.

But its also time to start taking time to be there for yourself and the
rest of your family.

We have a Post Concussion and TBI room. Please come and keep us updated
on how you and the family are.

Donna:grouphug:

Hi Milsea and welcome to NeuroTalk. Here is the link to our TBI forum

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum92.html

And Donna is right about the love. :grouphug:

Hi there:

Where is your husband now? I read and re-read your post but it's not clear where he is recuperating as of today. Is he home with you or is he in another facility? His yelling at the kids and his being agitated, well, that's got to be normal given what he has been through. His brain will continue to heal.

No one can tell the future. But, if you are willing to hang in there and be the loving person you sound like you are, then...miracles do happen.

There was even a tv movie (based on a true story),about the same exact situation. And there was a happy ending in that movie. It took time, patience and lots of understanding.

Keep posting here and let us know how it goes.

Take care,

Melody

While I didn't have TBI per se? I DID have...
 

a whopping fall onto hard ground and a VERY bad concussion.
First of all? I hurt terribly ALL over! And I bet your husband does as well.
Truly, having muzzy brain AND hurtin' like heck combined makes for a cranky person! Fractured ribs and bruises not quite as big as Texas?
Within a week things would ease a bit, but the mind/memory connections? There were sorts of 'disconnects' everywhere! By that I mean, I'd be driving to work, and sort of 'wake-up' halfway there and not remember getting there? Nor co-workers' names and other things I'd always just 'known'.
Strangely for me, I remember any waking moment from my fall, to getting into the ambulance and then waking up in an ER....about 4 hours later. There ARE times, when I'd rather forget the whole thing?
'Things' will come back to him slowly, but patience is key to helping this along. As for family? WHO IS TAKING CARE OF HIM? You or his family? IF you? YOU call the shots. You must talk to his docs about any attitude or mood changes. Then get help for it and ASAP. For both Him and YOU! Why? So if things work out well, you've gone thru all the 'what-if's', if not? You KNOW you've tried, and have given it the best shot possible.
While my 'crash and burn' as many call it? Wasn't as bad as yours? In about 6-9 months I was at 95% normal from 'before' -tho with his? It mite take longer, it should happen, you just have to get him to keep thinking and exercising and functioning to the best he can! You can't FORCE these things to improve faster, they do it at their own pace and in their own time.
Don't forget to take a couple of minutes each day for YOURSELF! Treats such as a Starbuck's coffee now and again? Make them TREATS! Feel like you are spoiling yourself. Then you can smile because you've had A treat today! I call them 'sillies' because they are!
Hang in there and take care of yourself first? Because you can't help others if you can't help yourself! Hugs and hope and good things SOON! :hug::hug::hug:'s! - j

dahlek

Those are really good ideas. I can say I wish I'd thought of giving myself
small rewards and treats but I didn't. If I had I might not have went
through so much stress.

But I really can still do some of this. I'm still recovering from my last one.

Donna

welcome
 

hi welcome to nt sorry your family is having to deal with this our tbi/pcs board is very active and helped me very much, a head injury support group in your area can help you all to deal with this it can be a long slow process and others find it hard to understand abi is often called the hidden injury, keep us posted if it helps there are genuine

best wishes

Happy to see you have come to be with us. Just let us know if we can be of any help.

There are great number and caring fellow members here to assist you. Our shoulders are here for support in many ways. The best thing for you is to have patience and time with him. You are lucky to still have him here after the accident. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Again welcome, looking forward to seeing you around.

Darlene :hug:

Sorry I was unclear.

My husband has been home with us (me and the kids) since March 31, 2011. He has been going to speech therapy and physical therapy as an outpatient twice a week. I am currently trying to get him into a Day Neuro Program to help with his Neurological deficits.

His mom finally left on Friday so she is not there to influence him.

I do love him with all my heart and I will remember to be patient. It is just so hard to be with someone who used to love me so much and now seems to look right through me.

His CT scan on Friday showed the spots in his head that were bleeding are gone but we were told that he has a collection of fluid in the frontal lobe. The neurologist said they will monitor it but nothing else.

Is this causing his cold nature behavior?

Thank you so much for your reply. You made me smile and I will take your advice!

I have been there since day 1. I have never left his side. I speak with all the doctors and at every appointment. I handle all of it.

He just gets really mad at me if I mention any of his aggressive behavior or his mood swings...What do I do?