Grieving the loss of your old self
 

I just came across this section in my "coping with Mild Traumatic Brain Injury" book. It talks about grieving the loss of your old self and how after a MTBI, you may have to face the possibility that you will never be as you once were. I know this pertains to a lot of you out there who may be angry, sad, depressed or frustrated that you are no longer the person you were before your accidents. I have come to this point and definetly accepting that i am now a combination of my old self and now my post-accident self and learning that its ok to be this new me. I acknowledge my limitations and know that life will continue and my new self will be just fine.
Some suggestions they give are

* Acknowledge the reality of your loss
* Identify and express your grief
* Commemorate your loss
* Acknowledge your mixed feelings (instead of denying conflicting feelings, work toward a balance between positive and negative feelings about your new self and put them into perspective)
* Learn to let go (ultimately you must withdraw your emotional investment in the person you once were in order to go forward with your new life. Realize that the person you are today is not a poor substitute but a composite of your old and newly aquired selves.)
* Move on -Resist viewing yourself as a tragic figure who life has dealt a cruel blow. Focus on your current strengths and abilities and live your new life whatever way you can.

I found this to be very powerful and eye-opening. It reaffirms that life will go on once we grieve the loss of our former selves and live our new life as best we can. Hope this helps!

Wonderful post Nightnurse30!

I'm now at the "moving on" stage. Much of the new "me" is by my own design with bits and pieces of the old me mixed in. I've remodeled myself LOL! :Grin-Nod:

We can make the person we were even better than who we were and still remain a work in progress. Thanks for sharing :Good-Post:

Thanks. Good post.

The old me wasn't in chronic pain, though.

If there's anyone in the medical field on the planet that can help w/the tooth nerve pain (which hit insane levels last night, though I fell asleep (!))- I need to become a "newer" me.

One that is healed of some of this pain.

I've been hanging out a bit at the chronic pain forum on Daily Strength lately.

But yes, good inspiration.

I feel like crying, I am...
I just thought this today and felt very sad,,
It's been one month and although there is some lessening of symptoms,
I feel like I am more often a different me than "me"...

I had a good day today talking laughuing joking with my kids, shopping..
theni had a "funny turn" as we call them, I get very emotional, if it's emotional stuff we're talking abot and get very tearful, easily hirt...
Even when recounting stuff from years ago that was awful, it makes me cry; literally like a baby...no like a 7 yr old me...
I see the pain in my daughter's eyes as she tries to comfort me, it's like she now sees the switch and then she switches to become my comforter... She's so kind and gentle...(she's normally a teenage bitchy typcal)
She's coping, but she's hurt because i am hurt at my own "weakness"
I was a different person, sassy v. confident, now i feel pathetic a lot...
just like a child and I can't helpit.

It's sooooo weird, my life now. I am happy I have my family, I feel isolated from my friends I am aware i don't feel/sound lu=ike myself
I was witty, sexy fun life of the party type... Now i slur and mix up my words and forget what i am saying all the time... I can still amke jokes, just slower... Iam self-conscious about how I ound...
but it could be worse. i guess i sound shallow, i guess ia m
I feel better now, just after typing all that...

I am sooooo sory about this teeth really hurt so much.... I am so sorry get better soon, get some good apinkillers.. I suppose you tried that already...

Is the teeth/nerve pain trigeminal neuralgia?

Thanks for the responses. No, it's not jolts of pain, but a constant, dull pain.

Last week it was the roof of the mouth, now it seems lower in the teeth.

Dentist said I don't need a root canal (I accidentally banged a tooth w/a glass 10 months ago- while having PCS). But if the nerve dies, the tooth will turn grey, and the pain will go worse.

I'm hoping this somehow heals.

Painkillers concern me because I'm more likely to have a painful accident despite caution. And there's that liver.

Take care-

Thank you for a timely post, Nightnurse30. I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately, the fact that at 40, I will never be the same person that I was at 39. I may not ever feel like "me" again - after 39 years with the "old" me, I'm kind of partial to that one.

This realization has, so far, just made me angry. Angry that I was in an accident that wasn't my fault, angry that there's not someone who can tell me how to fix it and exactly how long it'll take, and angry that I'm angry! Normally I was a very positive person and this has changed me. I'm not sure if I can start to grieve the loss of the old me while I'm this angry. I started with a cognitive therapist this week and have my first post-eval session tomorrow and I hope that as I learn and make some progress about handling this new way of life I'll get past being mad.

Thanks again for posting this - it made something I had been thinking more "concrete" and I'll definitely keep this as a reminder!