what would you do?
 

I just want some opinions. I don't want anyone to think I'm asking for someone to make this decision for me :).

I'm planning to leave my verbally abusive husband. If I divorce him I will lose.my health insurance and my income is too high to receive medixaid or anything else.

There is no legal separation in FL. My original plan was to just separate to keep health insurance. Now I'm really having my doubts. This will keep me under his thumb. Every year I'll be worrying that he will drop me if I'm not 'NICE' to him. I'll still have to have regular contact with him about debts, taxes etc.

I'm not on a dmd so I don't have to worry about that expense.

I plan on seeing an attorney soon but I already know my options because I've seen one in the past.

So what do ya think? Keep my sanity or go for the security? I should've made this a poll lol! I just want opinions here I know I need to decide this for myself.

Tough decision...I would go for my sanity...but YOU have to decide which is more important to you.

Best wishes to you, Joelle! :hug:

I'd go for my sanity, too.

But, be sure to ask if anything has changed in the legal arena concerning legal separations and divorce....especially if one of the litigants has an incurable disease.

One good thing is that generic meds are so cheap now and most of the name brand meds have financial assistance programs in place. Even if they initially say "you don't qualify" I'd press them and explain my unique situation.

You've got to do what you feel most comfortable with. I know you've thought about this forever and all the pros and cons. I personally feel the pros outweigh the cons.

Whatever you decide you know we'll be here to support you. :hug:

See a lawyer. Get alimony and as part of that, he must keep you on HIS insurance until you either remarry or he passes away.

GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN! You keep swinging back and forth, and you are going to have to pick. If you think you "need" to stay (whether its for insurance,comapny,fear,a place to live...) then you will have to find a way to make peace in your life. If that means sitting down and telling him "look, I am moving into X bedroom, and want YOU to leave me alone!" or "im moving into X apartment and you will hear from my lawyer"

While you are still standing there, SAVE MONEY! squirrel it away. Make sure that your money starts going into a separate account. There are many banks out there that are offering freebies like "we will make ONE car payment for you, if you switch to our bank with direct deposit" and just dont put his name on the account. Tell him you plan on using that bank for a month or two to get the freebie and will probably switch back when the trial peroid is over. This keeps his hands out of your money. Stop buying anything! save it instead. This will also allow your credit score to rise (which you will need if you are going to rent a place) and get those Credit cards PAID! if you cant pay them off, then call the 800# on the back, and explain that you are about to legally separate from your husband. how do I turn MY name off of HIS card? Then follow the instruction.

Everyone thinks its as easy as jumping in the truck and squeeling tires, but sometimes you have to untangle the mess you both created before you can step out the door. BY LAW, you have the right to NOT be removed from the marital home in Florida. You have the right to live there as an independant and not as his wife if that is what you choose. You have the right to sell the couch, and split the money. You have the right to sell the TV and split the money. you DONT have the right to sell a TV purchased in both names and keep the money.

Best advice, see a lawyer, and work out a friendship with this man so that you can stay on his insurance. even if it means that YOU pay the premium for it. It can be written in as part of your divorce degree, and he will be legally bound to it. You can ask for all kinds of crazy things in a divorce, but its much better to part as friends, than enemies.

Here borrow my flashlight...the door is that way. :hug:

Thanks everyone! Dej, I am definitely leaving. It's just a matter of whether it's divorce or separation. By law, if we get divorced he can't keep ms on his insurance even if he wanted to because its through his employer. The employer only has to cover spouses and children, period.

I'll be contacting an attorney this week. I'm leaning toward divorce because the whole purpose of my leaving is to keep what little sanity and self-esteem I have left.

:hug:

Keep the opinions coming, I need all the help I can get right now :).

I say, keep your sanity. It may be rough for a while but things will even out. Once you are "settled" you may find that many of your symptoms calm down or go away and you start feeling better. This is true with anyone, not just MS. I even know of a woman that was horribly ill with cancer. She left her abusive husband and wouldn't you know it, the cancer went in to remission.

So in keeping your sanity, you may find some healing going on.

As for the insurance, there are options for you. If you go to another state, as you planned, and file in that state the laws may be different. Also, many organizations have programs for people on a limited income. I don't know when you started receiving SSDI, or if you are receiving it, but Medicare may kick in for you soon if you are on SSDI. There is a national program called SHIP. You may want to call your local SHIP office and see what may be available to you.

Ultimately, the decision is yours. You know what is best for you. We will support you in whatever you decide. I will keep you in my prayers.:hug:

It doesn't sound to me as though the "security" option you describe would be very secure.

You are so right B2y, as you usually are :). I would probably feel much less secure.

Yes, I was just going to say, what security?:eek:

Have your Att'y use your MS card, wherever he/she can!! Your boots were made for walking.:)

:hug:

Tricia, I think quite a few of my symptoms are actually caused more by him than the MS. With all of the stress it's no wonder I have so much cog fog, depression, and anxiety.

I think when I've been out of the situation much of my fatigue will get better too. I will also have a much better chance at kicking the cigarette habit for good! I did so well with the electronic cigarette until his insanity ramped up. I just went back to cigarettes at one point because I really didn't care if I got cancer or not. I really felt that I didn't to live in this marriage any longer than I had too. I know that sounds crazy but I was so down nothing seemed to matter.

Now I've got a mission and I know life can be better for me :).