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-   -   Actual Classified Ads from Newspapers (https://www.neurotalk.org/survivors-of-suicide/15443-actual-classified-ads-newspapers.html)

Alffe 03-13-2007 07:59 PM
Actual Classified Ads from Newspapers
 
1. Iliterate? Write today for free help.

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

4. dog for sale: eats aything and is fond of children.

5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.

7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

8. 3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

10. girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

11. For Sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

12. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

13. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

14. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Wittesea 03-13-2007 09:08 PM
OMG These had me laughing out loud!

There was a classified ad in my local paper this weekend that could fit in this catagory... the only thing I changed below was removing the name of the place at the beginning and the address at the end -- everything else is exactly as it appeared in the paper.

***** Gentlemens Club is currently hiring dancers, waitstaff, bartenders, and DJs. No exp. needed, will train. PT/FT days, nights, and weekends. Must be flexible. Apply in person.

OK - I can understand wanting to have flexible dancers -but the way this ad is worded makes it sound like the entire staff needs to be flexible! Seriously, they probably meant 'flexible' in terms of work availabity and hours, but flexible is the wrong word to use in this ad :D

~KELLWANTSANSWERS~ 03-14-2007 07:27 AM
:eek:
I am still laughing:D :D
Thanks girls.:)

FeelinGoofy 03-14-2007 07:58 AM
i think one of the funniest i personally ever got was when i was teaching school. The mother wrote, "Sandra was not at school yesterday because she had a stomache" (thats how she spelled it):rolleyes:

Alffe 11-09-2015 05:39 PM
I'm bumping this because I needed a laugh. :o

EnglishDave 11-09-2015 06:16 PM
So glad you bumped this up, Alffe.

:D:D:D:D

Dave.

Hopeless 11-10-2015 02:37 AM
I almost missed this thread because of the forum on which it was posted.

Wish you had posted it on Social Chat.

Maybe you could put it there, too, so others that do not read this forum can also have a good laugh.

Andy_Pablo 11-13-2015 07:21 AM
Ha! Brilliant...


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