trip cancelled
 

my trip has been cancelled. total no-go. i can't go into the stupid gory details.

the good news is i no longer seem to be manic... nor even hypomanic at all. my parents attest to a net difference too. my mom feels i would not have accepted the conditions of this trip had i been right in the head to start with. she added that recently i could not be reasoned with at all as i would fly off the handle at the slightest thing, in particular any counsel i found contrary... :o

i guess it is for the best in the end. i have been sleeping SOOOO much and it has felt so good. i honestly feel much better and also perhaps more relieved than anything else, all things considered.

i still have my 2 weeks off work. :)

~ waves ~

i am so sorry your trip was cancelled. it sounded like an iffy proposition. I think there is a lot of stress in traveling and you have been under so much stress. Then again a change in environment can help one gain new perspectives..what do you plan to do with your time off?
love
bobby

dear Bobby

Yes indeed, "iffy proposition" describes it very well, and i was probably too blinded probably by my own adrenaline to see it. there were deeper intrigues i only learned this week, and the deeper they sank in, the more abominable the situation seemed, perhaps aided by the med increase and yet further "clarifications." Perhaps the med increase contributed too - 5 days on increased dose is plenty for it to kick in.

right now, i don't have plans and actually feel relieved about that. my tendency is to do things impromptu. i can handle plans when necessary but generally stick to a minimum. plans make me feel stuck. i like feeling free. others i know experience the opposite. i guess some of these things are in our DNA. my mom is a planner and so is my dad, so this isn't a learned thing for me.

for the moment, i think i really could use being a "cave-person" (as Jude says in another thread) for 2 weeks straight. now i know that won't really happen. but i don't have anything in particular in mind. ;) just vague ideas... a stroll to the icecream spot across the street, perhaps try to get some walking in that isn't directed at getting me to work or back, perhaps do some art if i can contain the "messiness" :D.

i am sorry your life is so difficult with all these changes to deal with lately. you hang in there!!!

love you

~ waves ~

Waves,

'Good about the mood being better. I like your plans for the vacation. You can rebuild your core spirit-- art, walking, thinking about yourself.


M.

Sorry your trip had to be cancelled, but glad you are getting better and getting enough sleep. How much Depakote do you take? My husband was started on it for the first time in June, and last I heard, he was taking 1500 mgs. I just wish they would consider giving him an additional med like Ability or Lamictal. He is just not improved much in the last month, and is still hospitalized. At this point, I don't think they want to try anything else :confused: !?!

Continue to feel better!

That's the nice thing about a vacation...
 

...even at home, it's still a vacation! I think I know what you mean when you say that sleep feels good. Yeah. There is a kind of sleep that fills me up & out & kind of fulfills me too. It's so wonderful, cuddly, wrap-around wonderful. I hope it's that kinda sleep you're getting.

Ice-cream! Yeah. Walking without destinations. I've done soooo much of that I've probably been around the world in my 65 years of walking. Well, 63. They worried that I had problems 'cause I didn't walk or even crawl at all even at age 1.5. Then my mom made people stop carrying me everywhere. Been lost a lot since then but had fun finding my way somewhere, asking people for help, looking for things familiar.

Art! That too! But why contain the messiness? Then it's instruction, or training, or something. We've got the Dali museum here. Can you imagine telling him to tidy things up?!:eek: WHOA:eek: Duck & cover!

Hope you have a good time, whatever that means as the time goes by. Love you, ~ waves ~ , my dear dear friend :Dancing-Chilli:

Waves

Personally I'm relieved that your plans have changed. I'm sad that you
aren't getting away from the parents. But even that could change
if you figure out a way for a couple of days right.


But I was really worried about you. You just weren't the Waves I have
gotten to know. The one that is level and can give such good thoughts.

I'm glad to see her back in these post.


Love Donna:grouphug:

oh waves, am happy that you get a 2 week break ...you can decide to do what you want to do. maybe find a hotel that has an indoor pool and get away bring your guitar and call in room service. or maybe a bed and breakfast place????you might be able to get a good deal during the week???
sleep and rest your mind body and spirit my friend.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

trip reinstated, w/ later departure, same return
 

trip is back on but deferred to wednesday departure (2 days forward).

a few other things transpired, but on top of that, i also realized, geez, like it or not, manic or not, i made these plans with these ppl, and it is a sort of commitment. i would feel like a rat if i didn't honor it even if i feel like a rat about some aspects of it. some things at least have been sorted out on their end. so i am going.

-------- i am having prep misadventures:

it is a good thing i changed my flight - i had to call the airlines directly coz the other number didn't work! :mad::rolleyes: BUT...

had i gone to the airport today, as planned, unenlightened... i would have been denied boarding!!!! :(:(:( turns out passport mandatory even though within EU!

i just had to chase down a validation thingie for my passport. and TG i already had a passport - there wouldn't have been time to request one!!!!! then i couldnt' find my wallet to pay for it. i left and rummaged in my purse and found the wallet ... came back... ARGHHHH!!!!!

i also made sure bank/pharmacy straightened out - i was double billed. UGHHH!.... multiple calls to multiple places and menu navigation.... i think the pharmacy actually had to cancel a transaction this morning. good thing i didn't call earlier or i would have freaked. i am slightly freaked.

i am stressed out SO BAD right now!!!

i just want to lie down for like 2 hours. :rolleyes: i don't know if i have time but i am taking a 'breather break.' try to engage mind in something grounding and safe. i have to learn stress tolerance. i used to have more of it....i think??? sigh.

------------------ bad omens

i am see all these things as bad omens on the trip, despite the fact they were resolved. it is like God or the Universe saying, hey, NO GOOD!!! even my company had trouble leaving, checking in, departing, one lost their luggage - it arrived finally... everything just seems to have a shroud over it you know.... you can see your way through, but not with clarity and simplicity. everything murky. everything difficult. obstacle course. :eek::(

~ waves ~