Diazepam
 

The doctor started me some years ago on 2 - 4 mg of this for back spasms. It's not doing anything so she upped it to 5 - 10. She recently stopped my 80mg at night amytryptilline so I have been taking 20ml diazepam the last three nights and it's worked. Trouble is I am so tired. I can't stop sleeping and can hardly walk without getting out of breath and feeling exhausted.

Am sick of going to the doctors for things. Am actually getting sick of my life at the moment.

Hey Kiddo
 

Watch the meds, knowing they can work a number on ya. Yep, I have had both Amytrip and Diazepam, each having their uses, but gogginess is a heavy side effect.

But what has me FAR MORE concerned is teh "getting sick of life at the moment." Unleashed, it can run ragged and roughly through your life, bringing you near to ruin..... all you gotta do is take a look at my posts from last October, a horrifically difficult time for me.... zeroing down to deep deep depression. Do check out the threads on Depression. Do talk to your Doc/Consultant about this. Do NOT allow it to go unabated, for many risks are posed thereby. I CARE about you dear Saffy, and just wanna wrap my arms around you and give a "bear hug." So we have to do this in cyberspace :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:, but please please please let real people in your daily life there where you live in on the free radicals going through your mind. PLEASE.

This is precisely why I have taken on the notion of ALWAYS seeking the blessings in my life. You ARE one of them. This morning I even wrote a new song which will develop into a praise song for worship. Yesterday, four poems, one being a writing I posted on a CaringBridge site for a very young friend in our church with husband and children- she has developed rectal cancer and is currently in both radiation and chemo- here is the poem, as it applies to many of us here as well:

Reflection
MRidder 20110811

Jesus, you look into my eyes
and know I am ill and wonderin why?
My life has been Yours, surrender a must,
and the turns I have taken followed You through the dust
of lifelong hard roads, those preparatory chores
which brought me to joy and infinitely more.
So, Lord, I am now in a place where the need
for your care and Your grace are required indeed
to lift me with Your strength to the next treatment day
and bolster the courage of my family Your way.
For we know You are here, each one of us now
feeling your touch of blessing, we need this and how.
While we deal with an illness which brings you so near
with hope we trust in Your touch so very dear
and the life light that You bring when e’er you draw nigh
we all hope shows reflection of You in our eyes.

Now, I am not heavily throwing religion in your face Saffy, but in my darkest moments I had to realize God was with me, the personal God, the God of my life....... not the glitter and glitz or bling of the religion presented God, but my personal friend. So, for me, I began to reflect on blessings, bringing my life out of the darkness and back into the light.

CARING and Praying for you my friend,
Mark56:hug:Z great big ones

...That was beautiful, Mark :hug:

Dearest Saffy -
Please know how precious you truly are. You do not deserve this. I often have wondered why such wonderful people have to suffer like this.
For what it's worth, just know that I completely understand where you are at right now. I suffered silently in my own darkest hour and I was actually preparing myself mentally to 'check out'..... I actually prayed that I could just go to sleep and not wake up. I had given up, exhausted from fighting the fight. I was prepared to call it quits and I tried to find a way to apologize to my family, friends, and anyone else who cared. I just didn't have it in me to continue fighting the good fight of faith. I felt like a failure.
The worst mistake I made during that time (only months ago) was isolating myself and allowing the darkness to consume me. I couldn't bare to let anyone see me like that.
Somehow tho, things actually started turning around for me - but not by my doing. It took me awhile to actually see that things were going in an uphill slant. I've battled depression alot during my life.
Whether or not you are technically 'depressed' by medical standards, please know that right NOW can be the day you look back on and declare that this is your lowest of lows. Turn this into your testimony and see yourself coming out of this.
And most of all, thank you for not isolating yourself. You came here amongst friends and reached out. This shows how strong you really are.

Sleeping tabs
 

Hi Karen,

I'm taking Zimovane for sleeping at night, I take the tablet around 6.30 in the evening any by 10.ish i'm ready to go to sleep. I think I've started to used to them bit and my GP gave me some Tenox but I had them before so last Friday night, i was physically wrecked and i knew a good nights sleep would help, so I took the zimovane and two of the Tenox. I sleeped well and felt refreshed the next day but still on is there ever anything that works. I have it when your body gets used to stuff.

Chat soon

Sinéad xxx :hug::hug:

Rrae, your post could have been written by me. I too, suffered off an on with depression.I called it a "dark hole" that thru the help of God; I began pulling myself to the light. I know I have to be very careful because the darkness (once you have had this type) is always waiting for you
Saffy, Mark put it all in such a beautiful way. I still struggle; but always looking for the "light". I take Vallum (5mg) as well. I take it with some pain meds about 11:45 a.m. and 4:45 p.m. Take half of a 25mg amytriptline around 9:30 p.m. I do take Ambien CR, late evening and a short time later additional pain meds. I started feeling badly for my husband having breakfast alone; not sure it was the worring about him; but that got me to get up out of bed and have a strong cup of coffee with him and talk with him for a while and then after a short time, I start doing odds and ends. Before I knew it the day was getting away from me too fast. I did not want to get back in bed and have not done so in a long time. I only hope and pray that you are able to get out from under the covers/bed and make the most, with the help of God, of the quality time you have left. I know, at times, it's hard to believe there is quality; but when I take the time to look around at all the "blessings I have"; gratitude fills me.
Love & Hugs to you Saffy!!!

Thanks Ger
 

You bring the best of encouragement to this place where suffering is shared openly that we may each other bolster one in need. Thank you for your deeply moving post sharing your placement of one foot in front of another that you NOT GIVE IN. That is what this process, the encouragement, the stretching to another level is all about [do take in mind I am not encouraging recent surgery patients to STRETCH, because that is forbidden until Doc says otherwise.... scarring is a must].

Saffy, I continue to hope and pray your pain becomes under manageable control.

Caring so much,
Mark56 :grouphug::grouphug: