"You look great, glad you are doing better!"
 

Everytime someone says this to me, i just want to scream at them! Yes, i may look better without crazy swelling in my face and bruises 4 months later.....but inside, im a mess. I have my good and bad days. And no, im not better....i have a year of this nonsense at least before i feel like myself again. So i stick with the polite, "getting there". But in reality i want to explain every odd symptom i experience, every odd emotional turmoil and social anxiety i suddenly have, and the unpredictable headaches, dizzy spells and overwhelming fatigue that comes on at the most inopportune times. My neurologist said it best...."your biggest obstacle is that on the outside you look good, but no one can possible understand how you feel on the inside with your recovering brain." *sigh*

So sorry to hear this - I empathize!
 

I was just explaining to my cognitive therapist yesterday that my husband and I were in the same accident and after my black eyes and lump on my forehead went away, everyone just assumes I'm fine. They can see a knee brace, a bruise, a limp - they ask how he is but you and I have invisible hurts and it's really easy for people to forget that.

I don't know that I or anyone else can say anything to make you feel better, but if it helps to know that you're not alone, you're not wrong, and you're not crazy for feeling this way, then I hope this does help. I have nothing but the very highest hopes for all of us and a full recovery in a very short time frame - the waiting is definitely the hard part and I feel the same frustrations every day over it.

Hang in there and do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself and make sure you get what you need to enhance your recovery. :hug:

Crystal

I COMPLETELY understand. It's really hard and EXTREMELY frustrating.

Many people I know see me trying to get on with my life, things like attempting the grocery store (with ear plugs) or going to a family event for a short period of time (just to get out of my house) and everyone assumes I'm doing great and doesn't understand why I can't even consider going back to work for at least another 6 months based on the advice of the Drs in the various therapies I am in. I basically get looked at like, "oh you are milking this for all it's worth." I just want to scream. Just because I don't complain constantly, doesn't mean I'm not in pain.

It's even worse with those closest to me. Although they have been extremely supportive, they don't understand because they've never experienced it. I tried to hide from them the fact that I am constantly effected in some physical way by the this, because I don't want to seem like I'm constantly whining. But I am suffering, and it hurts when they look disappointed when I say I don't think it's a good idea I do something they want to do.

If I "look okay" and don't talk about the constant struggles, because I don't want the fake pity that comes with it, then people think that I'm feeling better and doing well. However, if I try to tell them how hard it is, I get this pitied look where someone feels bad, however this doesn't change the fact that they think I should be doing everything they way I would have normally done. Nor does it cause them to do anything to help me, because they feel bad. Its like, oh, you've been sick for six months. We really cared when it first happened, but now it's old news so.... we're over it.

You are sooooo right!!! My roommate is so over it at this point. Shes lived with me for past 5 months and i always thought she was ok being my person to vent to but its wearing on her too. So i now need to watch what i say so i dont annoy her because she is so sick of going to work everyday and watches me "resting" on the couch and doing nothing. She doesnt get it, she will never get it, and sympathy runs out pretty quick when the bruises go away.

stay away from pychiatrists as they make their diagnsess on how you look no mtter how brain dead you feel. They will even give you EcT to add to the effect :)

I can't say I'm glad to hear any of you say this, but boy am I glad to hear someone else say this.

I can't seem to get anyone to understand what is happening-or not happening to me. My standard response is now, getting better every day.

Thanks for posting this...

Tami

This perfectly describes my entire last year.....thanks for posting!!!

Ditto!
 

Same for me!

I've heard this a handful of times too, from family, friends, and even one medical professional (an optometrist). Many times I've found myself saying, I'm making progress, but I still have a ways to go before I'm 100% (this is more or less my mantra).

I think people say it for a number of reasons - for example, to make you feel better; to reassure themselves; to attempt to create a sort of atmosphere of hopefulness; ignorance about the nature of brain injuries; or the perceived need to say something to avoid feeling awkward or uncomfortable.

One day I was so sick of hearing "you look great blah blah" that I snapped and said "I only wish I felt great and looked like crap...I feel like crap every minute of every day!" Then I realized how awful that sounded and bust into tears. Needless to say it was the last time she commented..other than "how are you feeling...any better?"

I since have realized the right answer is..."starting to feel better but not nearly as well as I want to feel."