just more of the same
 

I feel at least a little like i should not even be riting here because i feel like all I do is complain. But I hate semding email to my family worse because i know they have to be sick of it and do not think there is any wya they can understand.

This should be positive email because I did acupuncture yesterday and it again helped a lot with the pain. But I hate knowing that my family has to pay for it and drive me back and forth for it. That is why i did not do it for a long time just trying to live with it and pretend the pain was not there. But i know that made me insane again and there is no way I can live with it that bad.

So I know I should feel great that acupuncture helps. But I already am fighting with my self about going because I hate that it messes there day up and costs them. And then I know that i am back in another bad loop feeling like all of it is never going to end. And I was just told that summer is over and I do not understand how because it just started and I can not belive that I missed another whole summer stuck in this room. And really it scares the hell out of me that winter will come because I do not know if I can make it thru another winter. I can remember that to good it was for ever and it is a miracle that i did not freeze to death just wandering around a lot not knowing where the hell i was going or could go.