the nerve
 

good day

went and seen two doctors since my last post "going to the man tomorrow"
interesting! as i imagined it would go. i walk in the exam room take a little time getting up on the table as he sits on his stool. i am asked, so how do you feel?
in return i tell him all that i could that everything before surgery #1 had not changed a thing. if anything situation is much worse. asked him, please explain what happened to the left arm. why is it unusable. there wasn't any pain in the left arm other than my last three fingers would go numb and why is the pain now symmetrical. i get a shrug of his shoulders and says "i don't know what to tell you until i get a cat-scan, tells me it wouldn't have been from the surgeries.
i told him i wasn't pleased he would let me go three days without medicine, no return of my heaven knows how many messages. the fact i recognize the difference in my pupils, only that it took another doctor telling me hornes syndrome does happen after cervical surgery. it appeared after surgery #2.
he says have you gone to the eye doctor. told him i have been wearing glasses since i was in 4th grade and have gone for regular check-ups all my life. he gets up decides to take a look with a pen light and what does he see
a difference. why would he sweep or even try to sweep this under the rug is beyond me. my homework along with what my other doctor tells me most certainly should have been a red flag something went wrong and that is just my eyes. what else could have gone wrong he isn't telling me. my hair is falling out having all the x-rays, cat-scans mri and meds. my story isn't comforting but it is happening, the fact i have not fused yet seems to be his only concern and that has not happened. what a disgrace, i have no intentions on not getting my questions answered whom ever that might be.
i would hope to return back at work by the new year. i have come to accept that both surgeries were not helpful if anything made life much more difficult getting up and starting my days. i am under the care of my pain specialist and found i will need medicine that will ease my pain enough that will allow me a return to my job come the new year. work until i can't anymore apply for social security again, ssd does not help much but it is something. i receive no other assistance. but i am certain that day will come. one other thing about this unexplained behavior of this doctor. example i have been waiting two weeks for documentation for a additional 3 month leave and before my eyes and children along with the persons in the waiting room tries to throw his worker under the bus. happily i stood and watched her stand up for herself where he was found telling a lie. yes i will be seeking a new doctor when done with this one. just letting him dig a bigger hole for him to fall in.
what a shame! MESSAGE ALWAYS DO YOUR HOMEWORK, NEVER BE ALONE, GET COPIES OF YOU RESULTS AND NEVER LOOK AT YOUR DOCTOR OR ALLOW HIM TO TREAT HIM LIKE A GOD THEY ARE PEOPLE SOME GREAT SOME NOT SO GREAT, YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL LOOK IN YOUR EYES WHEN SPEAKING. I HAVE OTHER DOCTORS I NEED TO SEE.

HOPE ALL A PAIN FREE DAY

AND LIFE GOES ON

hi Eva,
That's really crappy to hear that your doctor is behaving like that. It's hard to find a doctor that really cares about the well being of all his/her patients. I understand they only hear people complain all day, but that is the profession they chose, and not many people need a surgeon unless they are feeling crappy, so it is the nature of their business. I think that he should have a little compassion and caring, but it seems that he only treats you like a number. Very sad.

You are doing everything you can to fix things, so that's a good thing, there are some things we just don't have any control over. Sometimes our pain is one of those.

I'm still stressing about returning to work also, since I too am having a lot of pain in my right hand and have little use of it. My job is 100% use of my hand (graphic designer) so my career is on the line. I got my EMG results on Tuesday and it shows 2 more compressions, one on the ulnar nerve in my elbow area and another on the median nerve in my wrist. They are only mild, but I was told by the neurologist if I continue to do repetitive motions they will worsen and 2 more surgeries will be needed. I don't want any more surgery, so for now I an wearing yet another brace and continuing with physio to see if relief can be had. The neurosurgeon will decide my fate of returning to work on Dec. 15th when I see him next. My worker's comp rep says it's entirely up to the neuro and what he puts down on my functional abilities form as to whether I return to work or not. So in a way, they are like Gods because they are put in this position of power over other's lives. He gets to decide the outcome of my future. Luckily I do have a good relationship with him and my hubby always comes to all my appts. with me. So he will speak up when I'm not heard.

It's a stressful thing what we are going through, not a day goes by when we're not worried about our health, money, working, coping, daily tasks, etc... but others do have it much worse and I count my blessings everyday for the things that I can do.

Hope you have a nice weekend.
Take care,
Cathie

dear cathie,

it makes me feel a whole lot better knowing your husband is right where he needs to be
WITH YOU, and just knowing he steps in when needed i applaud him.
my adult children are with me for this same reason beside loving me
but i know you have an understanding as you so eloquently put it
our future is somewhat in their control
only this cookie calls him on his poop
i'm sure, better yet i hope you love your job
as that is something i always advocated
and passed on, my babies all adults now love what they do
and that makes this momma very happy
my eldest following her bliss, a poet,
not many of us in the world get that
i made my doctor have my documentation needed for my employment
i work for the town i lived in for 45 years
most all know i do not play politics
but hold anyone accountable when needed
it is sad that in my experience i just have a schmuck overseeing me
that does not mean he dictates how things are doing
like he asks, it is so obvious i'm not ok
so in short i have extended my leave until the new year
until then i wish your pain away
i love working
it is another life outside of ourselves
and when that devilish pain sets in it supersedes all
no more surgeries for me either
just get me well enough so i could live life
i just ordered some beautiful clothes for my grandchild Eva
she is so beautiful
i LOVE all 4 of my children
but i experience you love your grandchild just a little more
just another reason to fight
some days are better than others
i wish you many better days
thank you for being there
i am here for you in return
lots of love
and you go