How to deal with thoughtless people
 

Use Fibromyalgia in the place of Bipolar Disorder.

It's All in Your Head

And Other Thoughtless Things Said!


How often have you been accused of whining or being a hypochondriac? Do people think you are just a complainer, an attention-seeker, when depression makes it difficult for you to cope with daily life? Are you told that "there is absolutely nothing wrong with you"? Do people tell you to "get over yourself"? I am sure that everyone with bipolar disorder have had those completely thoughtless things said which we can quote verbatim five, ten and even thirty years down the road.
Sometimes those with whom we interact can be narrow-minded and cutting. And, for every person who says something deliberately hurtful to a person with mental illness, there are a dozen who say things thoughtlessly or out of ignorance. Unfortunately – regardless of intent - words wound, fester and scar.
The following is a short list of things people say that are often intended to be helpful, but are actually tactless. Perhaps these will better equip you to respond to the thoughtless comments and to illustrate the need for each of us to better think through our word choices.

• What was said: It's all in your head. You are a hypochondriac.
  What may have been perceived: You are either completely deluded or making an excuse for poor behavior in order to get my sympathy. I don't believe in that psychiatric mumbo jumbo. I don’t believe that you actually have a real illness.
  The Fallacy: Mental health problems are the result of a character flaw or weak personality. Mental illnesses are not real diseases.
  The Facts: Bipolar Disorder is a medical illness with a physical cause probably rooted in structural or biochemical abnormalities in the brain. In short, it is very real just like diabetes or heart disease.

• What was said: We all go through times like this.
  What was perceived: You are overreacting. Stop making mountains out of molehills. You can't handle life as well as I can.
  The Fallacy: Everyone has the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
  The Facts: An article by David A. Kahn, M.D. and colleagues entitled Treatment of Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families offers an excellent perspective for addressing this fallacy. "We all experience a variety of moods—happiness, sadness, anger, to name a few. Unpleasant moods and changes in mood are normal reactions to everyday life, and we can often identify events that caused our mood to change. However, when we experience mood changes—or extremes—that are out of proportion to events or come 'out of the blue' and make it hard to function, these changes may be due to a mood disorder."

• What was said: Just shake it off.
  What was perceived: You've created this problem for yourself, so just get over it and move on. I am out of patience with you. Don't bother me with this again.
  The Fallacy: Everyone can and should control their emotions.
  The Facts:Bipolar disorder is a medical condition. Those with this disorder can no more snap out of it or shake it off then those with a broken leg.

• What was said: He must be demon possessed.
  What was perceived: I am righteous. You are not. Everyone who believes in God is perfect and does not struggle in life. You are a sinner and got what you deserved.
  The Fallacy: Bipolar Disorder is the result of misconduct.
  The Facts: Bipolar disorder is not your fault. It is not the result of something you did or didn’t do. "Bipolar disorder has no single proven cause, but research suggests the illness is due to abnormalities in the way some nerve cells in the brain function or communicate" (Kahn et al, 2004).

References
Kahn, D.A., Keck, P.E., Perlis, R.H., Otta, M.W., & Ross, R. (2004). Treatment of Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families.


From www.bipolar.about.com

I don't even try to explain my fibro to most people. It's so comforting when I meet people who have fibro and completely understand what it's all about. My family is very understanding about it as well. Especially my mother, which surprised me most of all, lol.

I'll never forget when I had my first flare and thought I was going to absolutely die. I was told by both my pdoc and the arthritis specialist that I just had some elusive virus that had taken good hold of me.

By the time I went back my 3rd time, they diagnosed the fibro. The only thing that got me through that first and most major flare was ... I just forgot. :o It'll come to me in a minute here. Percodan! That's it.

The chronic myofascia pain really gets to me.

It's difficult when you walk around looking 'normal' but definitely don't feel normal and people just don't understand.

:grouphug:

I personally haven't been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, but I have sarcoidosis which is another autoimmune disorder.

I know how frustrating it is for the "normal" people to look at us as if we are crazy or freaks. I figured I would share this conversation with you - it's good for a giggle at least :)

I had stage 3 breast cancer and bilateral mastectomies last year. I decided not to have reconstruction and not to wear prosthetics. I had cancer, it's nothing to be ashamed of, right? Well, one day I was in the grocery store and the following conversation took place:

Weird Man: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm (staring at flat chest)....where did they go?

Me: Well Sir, you see, I just wasn't at all happy with them, so I returned them to the hospital.




When we left the store a few minutes later, he was still scratching his head and looking puzzled :)

The "normals" will never understand us, until they are in our shoes. Until then, we gotta find the humor when we can :)

*Hugs*

Michelle

With me it is people with all the cures that people hear from friends or off the Internet. or the people that had a relative that had fibro 15 years ago and still thinks it is "all in your head". and dose not hear from that relative because the relative has not talked to them in 15 years because of there comments.

The other is the people that think that if I get meds to treat my depression my fibro will go away. I DO NOT HAVE DEPRESSION. NEVER HAD.

The best by far did not have to do with fibro. A year ago I had bypass surgery and last fall I had some joker that wanted me to put a shirt on at the beach because they did not like seeing the scar down the center of my chest.
What i told him I won't print on this site.

I think I will go back to going to nude beaches from now on as nudist are a lot more respectful of others.

By the I am a Emergency Medical Technician and know more then most people about fibro or how the body works