How to deal with thoughtless people
 

Just use your chronic illness instead of Bipolar Disorder.

It's All in Your Head

And Other Thoughtless Things Said!


How often have you been accused of whining or being a hypochondriac? Do people think you are just a complainer, an attention-seeker, when depression makes it difficult for you to cope with daily life? Are you told that "there is absolutely nothing wrong with you"? Do people tell you to "get over yourself"? I am sure that everyone with bipolar disorder have had those completely thoughtless things said which we can quote verbatim five, ten and even thirty years down the road.
Sometimes those with whom we interact can be narrow-minded and cutting. And, for every person who says something deliberately hurtful to a person with mental illness, there are a dozen who say things thoughtlessly or out of ignorance. Unfortunately – regardless of intent - words wound, fester and scar.
The following is a short list of things people say that are often intended to be helpful, but are actually tactless. Perhaps these will better equip you to respond to the thoughtless comments and to illustrate the need for each of us to better think through our word choices.

• What was said: It's all in your head. You are a hypochondriac.
  What may have been perceived: You are either completely deluded or making an excuse for poor behavior in order to get my sympathy. I don't believe in that psychiatric mumbo jumbo. I don’t believe that you actually have a real illness.
  The Fallacy: Mental health problems are the result of a character flaw or weak personality. Mental illnesses are not real diseases.
  The Facts: Bipolar Disorder is a medical illness with a physical cause probably rooted in structural or biochemical abnormalities in the brain. In short, it is very real just like diabetes or heart disease.

• What was said: We all go through times like this.
  What was perceived: You are overreacting. Stop making mountains out of molehills. You can't handle life as well as I can.
  The Fallacy: Everyone has the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
  The Facts: An article by David A. Kahn, M.D. and colleagues entitled Treatment of Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families offers an excellent perspective for addressing this fallacy. "We all experience a variety of moods—happiness, sadness, anger, to name a few. Unpleasant moods and changes in mood are normal reactions to everyday life, and we can often identify events that caused our mood to change. However, when we experience mood changes—or extremes—that are out of proportion to events or come 'out of the blue' and make it hard to function, these changes may be due to a mood disorder."

• What was said: Just shake it off.
  What was perceived: You've created this problem for yourself, so just get over it and move on. I am out of patience with you. Don't bother me with this again.
  The Fallacy: Everyone can and should control their emotions.
  The Facts:Bipolar disorder is a medical condition. Those with this disorder can no more snap out of it or shake it off then those with a broken leg.

• What was said: He must be demon possessed.
  What was perceived: I am righteous. You are not. Everyone who believes in God is perfect and does not struggle in life. You are a sinner and got what you deserved.
  The Fallacy: Bipolar Disorder is the result of misconduct.
  The Facts: Bipolar disorder is not your fault. It is not the result of something you did or didn’t do. "Bipolar disorder has no single proven cause, but research suggests the illness is due to abnormalities in the way some nerve cells in the brain function or communicate" (Kahn et al, 2004).

References
Kahn, D.A., Keck, P.E., Perlis, R.H., Otta, M.W., & Ross, R. (2004). Treatment of Bipolar Disorder: A Guide for Patients and Families.


From www.bipolar.about.com

no one knows how you feel unless they've been there. And if you know in your own heart that your sick, then don't pay attention to them. When people do this to you, pray for them, pray God will put so much conviction on there hearts. People can be cruel to the sick, even family. You just hold your head high and dont worry about what they say, because you reap what you sew, so they better quit picking on you.

I go through that too. No one does know how we feel and I sure hope I don't make folks feel bad when I reply to posts. Got to be more careful how I say things or what I say. That is why sometimesI really wish I could just lurk here on the forums. Tend to have a "Silver Foot" in my mouth. Sure can't erase a dumb reply. :o
I'm always so glad when others post something wise and helpful. Froggie :)

I know what you mean. I just don't tell anyone anything anymore. :o

I have people in my life that i just dont discuss my pain problems with.
For this reason!!
I have this forum and my daughter.
I try not to talk to my girl too much about what goes on-yet she is the one who understands and helps me the most when i need it.
I dont even have to tell her-she just knows-even when i'm trying to do things i shouldnt-she yells at me and does those things for me{when she catches me..lol}
I just dont know what i would do w/out her!!!!!!

Even if i am asked:how are you today-I will say i'm good!
I dont bother trying to convince anyone anymore.
I know what i feel is real!!!

This MAY sound kind of Nasty and Negative but someone said THIS to me once.

"You know half the people are glad your having a rough time of it, the other half really just don't care."

That changed me hearing that and that's why I just keep my mouth shut now.

On most sites you have 24 hours to "Edit" a post. After that a Mod can delete a post for you but you have to ask. Usually I tell them why and they just do it. :hug:

Oh Froggie! You are just fine.....don't worry about it. Just be your ol' Froggie self..we love you anyway.:hug:

site
 

this is a great site to go to .

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/bo...topic.php?t=13

Lack of Compassion
 

I have been subject to a lot of grief because of the way I walk. (Severe neuropathy in the soles of both feet). I overheard a senior citizen saying "Why would anybody want to walk like that?"), and I was stopped on my way into the casino once and asked how much I had had to drink. I answered that I do not drink. I was told that someone had reported that I was walking funny and was stumbling. I answered that I had been electrocuted. My pain causes me enough grief without thoughtless people making my life more difficult. I have thought about walking with a cane (It would not make walking any easier for me), I thought that by using a cane, at least I would not be harrassed by people noticing me having difficulty walking.