advice to myself for the holidays
 

Many people tend to get depressed at Christmas-time, and I think I know why. It's because Christmas comes with expectations of joy. One source of these expectations is the songs and images we're flooded with at this time of year, but part of it is personal: we have magical childhood memories we want to recreate.

Depression takes hold when we compare the present reality to these expectations. Chronically ill people get a double-whammy: not only can't we relive those childhood feelings (because we're grown-ups, and we're probably misremembering anyway) or live up to the media images (because they're made up), but we can't even accomplish what we used to be able to. We're comparing the present to the (often recent) past, and coming up short.

So, self (I sure hope I'm listening), here's the game-plan this year. I'll decide which holiday traditions give me Christmas joy, and spend my energy on those. I will skip the ones that take my energy and offer no pay-back. These calculations will be completely personal and subjective, and that's OK!

Abby

I agree Abby...and would add that putting the focus on family and the meaning of the season might be the best medicine of all.

Last year I was far too sick from the effects of the reboot chemo to do much of anything. I planted myself on the couch and let my 13 year old decorate the tree and living room, and all I had to do was smile and give a quick comment here and there. She LOVED it, as she felt so independent and creative.

Yesterday we decorated again. Even though I'm not feeling bad, I again planted myself on the couch and let her do the decorating. This time I was able to converse a bit more, but the look of pride and excitement on her face was priceless.

I think a new tradition has been born!

Great advice! I decided about 5 years ago that since we no longer do the tree at my house, I would let my children decorate their house and go to them for the holidays. If the grandchildren question why I haven't decorated my house, I have a small tree they can haul out and decorate for me with the understanding they will come back and remove it after the holidays!

Also, I have a couple of recipes that my kids request (cookies) and I use my available energy to make these two items only. That way, I still feel like I'm participating and yet, I don't wear myself out.

As far as presents are concerned, fortunately my grandkids are old enough that all they want is money to buy their own clothes. For the adults, instead of buying for each other (we don't really need anything!), we pick a family from the Salvation Army Angel Tree and my daughter takes care of purchasing all the items and everyone else just gives her money to cover the costs. I think we collected over $700 last year (we have a large extended family) and it was great for the Angel family - they had 4 children and we got everything that was on everyones list. I felt like I really participated in the joy of the season and it wasn't a lot of work.

Anyway, I agree we need to figure out what works for each one of us and not wear outselves out trying to make a Dickens Christmas.

Happy Holidays Everyone!