which way to turn
 

dear friends

i have put many things on the back burner
but my pain get worse as the days go by
i wake up if i slept
and am just amazed
at how quickly my body is rotting away
dna i am aware of
predisposition i understand
however being bombarded
one thing after another
i sincerely don't know
if i am coming or going
i had to lay on my stomach
for 20 minutes as i was having
a mri because i now am positive
for breast cancer
but oh my goodness
trying to get up after mri
i SCREAMED inside of pain
pain all over
my bones and nerves
just can't give up for just a bit
my neurosurgeon hasn't even called
since i had to cancel my ct-scan
to check if my fusing has completed
if i were to take a guess not so
2nd surgery destroyed me
i have no doubt he has made things worse
horners syndrome developed after 2nd surgery
and he will not own up to it
since then my hope for any reasoning
with him is out the window
and although HE is now on the back burner
i will see him one last time
and let it be on record
i have caught him in lies
his bulling tactics don't work with me
my thyroglosscal cyst has only become active
during his care all the
x-rays ct-scans mri and some in
these past 3 years
so not cool
and i need to express this to him
here i go venting again
but i am not done with him
if it is just to teach him whatever
it is what it is
some are directly his mishaps
and caused me much permanent pain
until then it was recommended
that i look into a pain pump
but i have other things going on
wishing others success in their
journey
taking meds are a *****
dammed if you do
dammed if you don't
take care

Eva, So many doctors don't even think of you as a human body going thru so much pain. They order tests, do procedures without even a bit of caring or feeling. It's just someone else's body. If what he does works; good, otherwise. Oh Well!... Just too many do not really see us. Do they even realize this is a person? So sorry you have to go thru so much. "I pray God will give you the strength to cope with all you are going through".

thank you for your understanding
it is frustrating
especially when you tell them what's wrong
and your looked at like a nut
then he sends me to get an emg PAINFUL
that shows him damage to the nerves in both arms
he honestly thought i was nuts
and this after 2nd surgery
anyhow thanks for getting it
i killed his ego
not being a success for him
rather problematic

hope you feel well
have a good night

Hi Eva,

Just popping by to say hello. I was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing.

Has any treatment started for you breast cancer yet? Is your treatment and tests for this at the same hospital you had your fusion at? Perhaps you can get some help with pain management if they can understand all you are going through. I hope this for you.

After going through two horrible spine surgeries another round of invasions to your body is the last thing you need.

But I do know that where I live our cancer treatment facility & oncology nurses and doctors are much more caring and understanding then our neurosurgery & neurology deptment is. I hope you receive better care and understanding for this then you did from your last doctor. It seems that the dr who did your fusion just doesn't have the heart to see you as a person in pain and needing help and healing. Shame on him. Some doctors are in their field for the money and glory not for the healing of people.

I keep you in my thoughts and prayers everyday, and try to send you good vibes to help you heal and cope. Keep up the positive energy and thoughts my friend. You are a strong lady and you will get through this!!!:hug:

BTW... I see my neurosurgeon next Thurs (15th) to find out what my next step is. I'm trying to get tested for thoracic outlet syndrome to see if that is the cause of my continued pain/tingling/numbness, and I also find out if I will be sent back to work (even though I can't physically do my job). My dr's note expires in 2 weeks, so we'll see what comes of all of this. I'm so stressed thinking about being forced back. Please say a prayer that all goes well for me too!

Take care.... and wishing you a painless night with some much needed sleep!
Cathie

dear cathie

i am so sorry to hear you are not where you want to be.
as far as going back to work
have you considered applying for ssd
if your not ready only you know
as far as the cancer
i had my mri wednesday
have an appointment with surgical specialist
next wednesday
until then one moment at a time
please keep in touch
stay connected so i can be there for you
as you are for me
tired going to try and get some much needed rest
talk to you tomorrow
feel good