postpone wedding?
 

I'm struggling with whether or not to postpone my wedding due to PCS. It's 3 weeks away. I have constant pressure headaches, often feel lightheaded, and feel not as sharp cognitively. I've attempted twice to be around loud music and both times resulted in painful headaches and anxiety like I needed to get out of the situation. I start to feel flush and can't think straight. It took me 3 days to return to feeling just bad instead of terrible.

My fiance thinks I can just take anxiety medicine and I'll be better because that's what she read online. I'll be seeing my neurologist again Monday who originally though I'd be better in 1 month.

At this point, we'd lose a decent amount of $ if we postponed it and people have already booked flights and such. The flip side is it's my wedding and I want to be able to enjoy it. The main issue is the music/DJ as I can function "normally" for the most part otherwise. I feel there's no good answer but this point is of great stress to me and my fiance. Appreciate any advice.

Is there a way you could still have the wedding but eliminate or reduce some of the clear stressors like music?

Would earplugs help dull the noise at all? I had my 30th birthday in Vegas 4 weeks after my birthday and i insisted on going since i had friends flying in for it from all over and didnt want to let anyone down. I wore earplugs, took myself out of situations that were uncomfortable or caused too much anxiety...and it definetly wasnt easy.....but i made it through it. You could also ask the DJ to decrease the volume to accomodate you...i'm sure the guests wont even notice the difference.

Its up to you....such a hard decision to make, but hopefully whatever you choose to do will be whats best for you and your future wife. Wishing you the best and hope it all works out ok for you.

yeah, I'd definitely have to let the DJ know about it and maybe eliminate any lights he'd have. I think that's the only option is to reduce my stressors while still being able to have a good party for people to enjoy. If it gets too much for me I'll have to sit at a table far away. I think my fiance is just struggling that it's not the ideal scenario for our wedding but sometimes there's forces outside of our control.

Earplugs are a great idea! That should definitely help a little bit.

Well, if the wedding is the main thing, it's a big issue. If the marriage is the main thing, then this is part of better and worse...

I know it's hard because we get wrapped up in wanting it to be the perfect day, but in the end what matters is the two of you and your commitment to each other. All the rest is just details.

well said Eowyn. Thank you.

I am concerned that your memories of your wedding will be severely damaged by the overwhelming stimuli. Add that to the already stresses of the weeks coming between now and then and it is a recipe for trouble.

I think you need to have a serious sit down talk with your fiance' and lay down the law. If you get overwhelmed, nobody will enjoy the honeymoon. She has a decision to make. Either tone the wedding down substantially or risk a less than desirable honeymoon. If she refuses the first and gets the second, she needs to agree to not hold it against you.

Your comment about her comment <My fiance thinks I can just take anxiety medicine and I'll be better because that's what she read online.> leads me to believe she is not on-board with your PCS yet. She really needs to understand this. Has she watched the "You Look Great" series by John Byler on YouTube? She really needs to watch all six episodes. She also needs to read through the TBI Survival Guide at www.tbiguide.com

Your wedding, your honeymoon and your marriage all depend on her fully understanding your condition and these other issues.

As a safety procedure, you can have the DJ start out with quieter music for the first dance. Then, if you have trouble with the sounds and other stimulation, you need to have a predetermined place to get some peace and quiet. Occasionally ducking out for a break may help you endure the rest of the time.

I know that just the room full of voices would do me in. Be prepared for overload from the voices too.

Hope you can find some common ground with your fiance'.

My best to you.

I would agree with the others that this:-

is not good enough from her. Living with someone with that sort of attitude to your injury will severely hold up your recovery, either because she'll make you do too much, or because you'll be constantly stressed with arguments when you refuse to do too much - she needs to change this attitude.

Since she's prepared to read up on PCS on the internet then get her to read this:-

http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/183/4/276.full

It's not too long, it's very clear on the fact that these problems have a significant organic cause (ie are not just anxiety) which needs to be taken very seriously and it's from a far more respected source than whatever crap she read about you just needing some anxiety medication.

When she really understands the problem, then and only then can you have a sensible discussion with her about what you should do regarding the wedding.

She's definitely not on board. She thinks it's more I just have anxiety and depression and that's causing my symptoms instead of the car crash. I had a lot of stress prior to my car crash but I don't stress about those issues anymore. The only time I have anxiety is when I'm in a loud environment(music or restaraunt) especially with lots of people. I never had this before the accident.

I don't think I'm depressed. I'm frustrated I wake up every day and don't feel like my normal self but I maintain a positive attitude. My personality has definitely changed. I feel fatigued a lot and worn down by the end of the day so sometimes I might appear grumpy or just flat(like I don't have the energy to even smile.) Does that make me depressed? The hardest part is trying to explain my condition to everyone that just wants to say I'm depressed and need to see a therapist. My dad's advice, "you should exercise more. That always helps when I'm depressed." Thanks dad.

My neuropsych test results were normal and they said it my worrying making my symptoms worse. I felt like I did terrible and had trouble writing down images I just saw. I had a really good memory before my accident and now I can remember 5 words out of 15 that I had to recall. But that's "normal" according to the test so I must be making up my symptoms and doing this for fun.

She hates the fact I read this forum because I'm relying on non-DR for advice. She doesn't understand that some Dr.'s, even neuropsychologist don't understand concussions and so even though my test are "fine," I certainly don't feel fine and she's not helping.

End rant/my thanks if you made through it. I'm struggling.