My M-I-L is coming home for the Holidays
 

While my B-I-L and his lady are on vacation till January 1st. My Mom in Law
is coming out here to her house. Well I have no problem with that.

I have a problem with the fact I've been trying to ask for weeks that we
find out exactly when and work out this schedule he is sure we need.

She supposedly needs someone there with her 24/7 or close. And that
just doesn't work when you don't know the schedule.

Well it turns out they are leaving Thursday morning. So either she is
coming tomorrow night, or Thursday morning. And I guess we are picking
her up. Or he is.

Anyway my husband was yelling, this and that, when can you watch or stay
with her. But he didn't really want to listen. I can't do it either thursday.
So I learn when I suggest he ask, his other brother if he and his wife can
come out. I get yelled at, I'm not going to because he had surgery, for
cancer. Well gosh, it would have been nice to know that.

When was anyone going to tell me that he has cancer, and all this.
Never I guess if I hadn't wanted someone to help out. UGH.

But its life with him. Now watch, he will need someone to help on
Saturday's and Sunday's when he should be the one.


I am willing to do my share, I can on almost all days, I'm going to even give
my vacation up for this.
Donna:grouphug:

Donna,

I guess he does not come from a family that communicates very well.
You are doing more than your share already. :grouphug:

M

Donna,

Have you found out how many days this will be? About eleven days?
I hope that your sons can help.

Mari

not what Christmas is all about, is it.
 

Dear Donna :hug::hug::hug:

i am sad for you. you sound so upset and frustrated, and i see good reasons for both. i mean a visit from your MIL could be a NICE thing, even with the support she needs, if it were organized. instead, it is being made into a big "production" where it seems to me, it need not. just because others don't want to get organized. it sounds like a lot more is being placed on your shoulders than you either should have to handle or deserve. and it is being done in a mean way.

you are kinder than i probably would be giving up your vacation. i might be so filled with resentment at that treatment, and lack of information, that i would just take off and let the pieces fall where they may. or i might not because then who is going to be the one hurting in the end... the elderly M-I-L who if i'm not mistaken is the one who had broken her hip/femor? and how sad for her to want to visit and people treating her like baggage. except you.

geez. it's Christmas. sigh. this is not what Christmas is all about. :( that's what makes me sad about this too.

i hope it can all work out Donna, and like Mari that your sons will help out. i hope your husband settles down and is more respectful and appreciative of your efforts, AND CONTRIBUTIVE TO them too!

lots of love and strength to you Donna:heartthrob:, to weather the storm. :circlelove: you are a sweetheart. do please carve yourself out some time through this, and insist on others' help. because you need rest and relaxation as well. Christmastime is enough work for moms - and especially working moms - even without stuff like this.

more :hug::hug::hug:s
~ waves ~

p.s.

any chance you can have an Aide come in, at least on some days, or for portions of days?

Thanks Ladies.

Derrick has already offered and will definately split the time with me.

Devin is working days, so he is home in the evening and helps Sabrina.
Which is going to be a full-time job most of the time. There are 4 kids
down there. But I'm hoping to work through this.
And part of the time, the kids can stay here with me, and even Sabrina
go spend some time with M-I-L.

Danny works afternoons, and he has a smoke smell on almost all his
clothes. Its according to whether we can figure out how to get that off
him. He has always gone over and spent some time with her. When
he was laid off. I had already said, something to him. We will see.
His girl, is one that sometimes set some time aside for her. But she
is unreliable. And when he called her, she is sick right now.


There were two ladies that came to visit with her on afternoon's I asked
if we should get ahold of them. To see if either of them would have time
to come. He said, yes, he would one. The other usually is gone part
of the break she works at the school. But I don't hold any hope to his
doing it. So I will probably tomorrow.


He thinks he will just call a friend of ours, that lives in another town. And
ask if she has time. Hmmm, as if people have time at christmas time. This
friend if she isn't working might just arrange it for him or not.

But that is about it. We live in a little town. And I am available, I have
some set times that I wont be available. He will just have to work around.
And I am not changing plans. I knew it was coming I'm more upset, he didn't
think it was important to tell me his brother was having surgery.

I must not be part of this family of his anymore.

Thanks for listening. And yes this is the 96 year old mom that had the
broken hip. She just isn't comfortable being alone much.:grouphug::hug:

Donna

Dear Donna,

i hear you. that really smarts. :(

i certainly understand your feeling upset and somehow "outed." i mean, you are his wife, and it is your brother in law who was so ill. i'd feel like i had a right to know, and it wasn't upheld.

if i may say, all i can think is that your hubby might have felt too scared about it himself, to talk about it. men can get veeerrrry closed up about these things. and depending on how much he knew too. maybe he was doing the ostrich as much as possible... emotional self-preservation.

i don't know if that is any consolation. your feelings are completely natural in this situation. i am so sorry sweetie. :hug::hug::hug: it's out now, and if he doesn't broach it you can talk with him about it. preferably when things are calmer at home. see what happened to BIL, see how hubby was feelign, and, not least, let him know how you felt about not being kept in the loop about it, and perhaps ask him directly to keep you in the loop about these things.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Thanks Waves


And yes I already knew it was true. He says he heard it about 6 months
ago. In passing and kind of forgot about it. Because his brother was
trying to decide, because he had been told he had 15 years, whether
he had the surgery or not. But that it could be they could get it all or
not.

Its prostate cancer, which is what he has always worried about. But
its been for years that he has been in this thing about having it.

So I know its not about his brother on this. But he has had the test
two or three times now and doesn't have it.

So for now he wont have to worry about taking time off to get the test.


Also in regards to his mother. He is spending the nights from about
6pm to 6am at her house with her. He plans on doing lots of cooking
for her. And will try to have things cooked for people staying with
her to feed her. So its technically not that he wants us to do all the
work.

If he didn't have a job that he could technically lose if he took the time
off. He would probably take the week off and spend it all there with her.
So its okay. We will make it.

I had told him a couple of months ago, that I would help all I could.
But the problem was mainly that I've been asking for weeks. When
do we expect her, and what can I do to help get ready.
Well its always been, I can't remember, I'll call and ask soon.

I would ask if it was okay for me to ask. No I will do it. I think I"ve
got it written down somewhere.

If he would just have let me do some helping with this. He is trying
to do to much.

He took that week off a couple weeks ago. To help our co-owners
with the dollar general job that is not finished on time. That I tried
to tell him not to do. But at least it didn't lose him his job.

Luckily.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Had to add this is for the Lady that when we got married
31years ago. Wouldn't come to our wedding. Didn't talk to
me for almost 7 months. And was really against many things.

SO it was a interesting life for a while. She wasn't a babysitting
grandma. Until my husband, would just take them out to
be there when I was working on Saturdays. To work with him
on the tractor.

So she would take them in and read to them and give them milk
and cookies. Then insist after 6 hours that he should take them
home.


And years later, she took my side in a fight. About the boys.
And he got off the phone, and wanted to know what I had done to
his mother. Because she had just completely taken my side of our fight.
And also told him. He should not only listen to me, but treat me better.

I told him, she was a woman. And we think alike was all. And she had
raised three boys. And so far I was two.


But then years later, I was the one that lived the closest to go out when we
couldn't reach her on the phone. Or she was not feeling well.
And we were getting a little closer.

Donna:grouphug:

Well the house finally has water, and is ready for her.

So because she wanted to come tonight. He went and got her.

I am hoping since he didn't say anything, he is off tomorrow.

He was supposed to take the day off, because its his birthday.

Derrick is playing at the Purdue game tomorrow night. So I wasn't
available to help more than half the day.:grouphug:

Donna

Dear Donna,

You sound better in the more recent posts. Now that she is home with you your husband can focus a bit better.

Would it help you to tape a big schedule / sigh up sheet of who is covering what days and nights and MORE IMPORTANTLY who is not? (It needs to be made clear what days you are not available.

The sign up sheet / calendar that you create will make you feel better because you will have an idea of who is covering the time.

People have to communicate on the paper / poster / calendar / bullentin board.

I hope that you are doing ok. :hug: :hug: :hug:

M