Giving up!
 

I'm always trying to pull myself together but sometimes...sometimes I'm just tired. I'm new to the forum and I hope I can find people to relate to . I had a pretty much healthy childhood besides from having to wear orthopedic shoes to fix my dropped foot arch. That never interfered with my physical activities at school. I remember feeling the best in my life the summer before high school when I started losing weight (I have always been chubby). It wasn't until my freshman year that all of the sudden I began limping, no reason, no pain just limping!!! My mother which at the time her and I didnt have a good relationship never bothered to take me to the doctor... My health began getting worst after sophomore ended became depressed I started skipping school specially Rotc class since I couldn't stand the looks of people when I had to march and I couldn't keep up the pace. Balance problems began and I could barely go up a flight of stairs without holding onto the rail. After I graduated from high school I began to see an orthopedist which referred me to a neurologist I had many test done and hope of getting better since I began falling for no reason. I was finally diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy in 2006, and I had gone from weighting 120lbs freshman year to 200 lbs .I began wearing braces (afo ) since my foot dropped and I lost my balance often, I stopped seeing my doctor in 2008, because I lost hope later that year I had the strength to lose 40lbs and a year later I graduated from college with honors .

Now I have tried to better myself and not let this get to me but recently I began feeling numbness in my foot and sometimes spasm I began taking vitamins which help , I never have pain other than my knee when I push my limits. I know I should go back to my neurologist . I know I suffer from depression every now and then and anxiety at times it was hard having to stop dancing which was my passion . I have seen a therapist which helped during the time after my boyfriend broke up with me in 2009.Its contradictory to say that this illness had help but I don't think I would be were I am if it wasn't for everything I been through.

As of today I work as a preschool director since im able walk although stairs are trouble but manageable but I can't run or do many of the things I used to without my braces. Most people such as friends think I have it all together since I attract guys because of my personality and I hold an ok job and I am financially stable and I'm currently working on my bachelors, I pretend to be strong and physically all they see is a person who walks with a limp but inside there us more to it. Now I have met the most wonderful person who wishes to marry me and I feel so lucky but I just can't I'm too scared. He is aware of my illness and he wants to have a family but I feel impotent thinking how could I ever have children if my mom assist me at home with things like getting my laundry from the basement to my room . I feel so upset because I dont want to miss the opportunity of marrying person who I love but I can't let him get into this if I keep getting worst and Im not be able to have kids with him. I just began feeling depressed again so I'm going back to my therapist because I know my family needs me . I had always envision becoming successful and helping my single mother and two younger sisters whom I have a wonderful relationship but the thought of not being able to one day do it kills me . My friends and family say im sabotaging my happiness because I feel like breaking up with my boyfriend but I feel like they say that because they love me and want to see me happy but I would feel horrible if years from now I end up in a wheelchair (which my boyfriend says had he met me in one he would still love me) he will hold a grudge or feel like he waisted his life with me.I pray everyday to find a way to cope best and not give up but some days im too tired to deal with it and just want to throw in the towel!! Some days depression wins!

Hi Nabile
 

I want to Welcome you to Neuro Talk. This site has alot of forums to deal with depression, and medical issues. There will be people to talk to and a lot of compassion. I understand the issue, of being not being well medically, but having someone in your life who wants to marry you. You are afraid of having kids, because you have trouble on your own. Then you mentioned the question in your mind, "what if I get worse?" and wind up in a wheelchair.? These issues are indeed ones that must be adressed before you will feel comfortable. Just the issues of having children is difficult, even without medical conditions. I guess if it were me, I would seek not only more conversation with the one you love honestly, but maybe intervention with a therapist who can help you both with these issues. Before you marry is the time to really figure out, some of the "what if's" and issues about your future together. Marriage under the best of circumstances can be challange. When medical issues are there in the beginning, all of it should be really talked about. You have some legitimate concerns. If all this can be talked out, where you both feel really good about it, then that would be the time to say your vows. Let a professional give advice if you can. I hope others here will also talk to you, offer other ideas and suggestions. I will be here too. You should feel very good that you are taking into consideration all the things that have cropped up in your mind. Your thoughtfulness with your choices can only help. You arn't going blindly into a situation, but thinking about it carefully. I do wish you all the best, and I hope you make a few new friends on Neruo talk too. ginnie

Hello!
 

And WELCOME to NT!

You've come to a great place for support and it's good that you are reaching out :hug:
Thank you for sharing your story. Depression will do anything possible to try and win out. Oh how I know :(. How many times I have been ready to throw in the towel!
You will get lots of great support and understanding here, so please stick around. People here really truly care.

I see that you've been battling PN. Me too. Pain and depression certainly go hand in hand....especially this type of pain that can't really be seen by others and it's hard for them to really understand what you are going thru. It's a very lonely condition to be battling silently. That's why I'm so glad you found NT.
PLEASE check out our Peripheral Neuropathy forum! It is packed with information on how to better understand it and also how you can stay on top of it. Here's the shortcut link to get you there:

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/fo...aysprune=&f=20

Please do this for yourself. It'll help you get the upper hand and feel more in control instead of having it control you. Once I got a better understanding of my peripheral neuropathy and how it was affecting my life.....it really helped with my depression.

Others will be along shortly. We're all in this together, so please know you are not alone. You've got alot of happiness waiting to happen, alot of people who care about you, and a special guy who wants to share his life with you.

It's good that you are here...

Caring,
Rae
:grouphug:

Hi and Welcome! I'm sorry you're dealing with all these issues. But it sounds like you're a very strong woman!

Is your PN caused totally by the dropped foot arch? Do you know for SURE that's the cause? I think first I'd want to be sure of the diagnosis, to see if something can be done. Have you ever seen a Neurosurgeon? Perhaps a visit with one would be a good idea -- take along all films & reports.

Are you taking medications for the PN? There are some pretty good ones out there to help with the tingling/numbness and also any pain that you may have, such as the burning-type pain we often get. You might ask your doctor about these meds and see what he has to say.

I wish you the very best!! I have to agree with Ginnie about your relationship problem. Your boyfriend sounds like a peach -- but an open and honest discussion needs to take place about the "what if's" just like Ginnie said. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee :rolleyes:

thank you so much!
 

So last night I told my boyfriend we should go together to my next appointment since I decided to go back to see a neurologist (I had given up) so he can be fully aware of the illness but he insist that I'm giving up and he said that no matter what he will be by my side even if I end up in a wheelchair he made me promise not to push him away he even suggested we get married this summer since his insurance will cover the cost for me to be treated at the center for peripheral neuropathy in Chicago to get another option but I told him if we get married it should be out of love not because I can benefit from anything . Well few years ago my doctor prescribed gabapentin (not sure if spelled right ) but it it made me moody so I never took it. The numbness its not on a daily basis but it causes anxiety of whats next to come am I getting worst , pain wise just my left knee when I do mucb walking (I work with preschool kids ) . Other than that there is no pain just the weakened muscles in my leg and the depression every now and then .

Re: team work
 

I think that is great that you both are going together. Approach all of your issues as a team. I am so glad he wants to be with you during the Neurologist appt. and to move forward together. He sounds like a very compassionate man. Do get relief from your depression too OK? Marry in a happy and thrilled state of mind. No depression to start you off with a problem. Do it as a team. I sure wish you all the best. ginnie

Nabilejlm,

I caught your post on the Peripheral Neuropathy forum. Just wanted you to be aware that gabapentin is for the burning pain most folks get accompanying PN. It won't do anything for the numbness.

Doc

Thanks!!!
 

Well I have decided to take it day by day and if thinga work out take it to the next step I wanted to get some advice that was bias and not from friends and family whicb because they love me I felt were just trying to tell me what I wanted to hear. Im very glad I found this forum with great support!

Sweety, I, along with the others, want to welcome you to Neurotalk!!
 

:) I wanted to let you know, I can truly relate to your walking issues!
I have a disability called, Spina Bifida which, has made it difficult for
me to walk, my entire life. I tire very easily and need to sit down every,
couple of minutes. All of my friends understand that because, they
are, real friends. I know, your friends will understand also, if, they're
true friends. If they don't, then, you know that they aren't true friends
and you don't need them in your life. I know, sometimes, it can really
hurt to find that out, but, ya know, true friends will treat you as, they,
would like to be treated! :) Again, I want to welcome you to Neurotalk
and I really hope you'll stick around and get to know everyone and get
some support! :) Many, of us, here, know and understand how you
feel and would love to be here for you and support you!:)

Phyllis :hug:

Nabilejim? Talk to this great man and look in his eyes. does he seem to be lookin g at his mom? No? then he is not looking for mommy! Stop trying to protect him. Marry him and take on whatever comes as two equals.