What to do to support wife?
 

I can't find a thread like this anywhere. Maybe a moderator can help.

My wife will have a double mastectomy in three or four weeks. We've had the options explained to us and she has made her treatment choices. I told her I could make suggestions but would accept any choices she made. The confusion had to be worked through and we found several women she could talk with. Friends or friends of friends have been helpful but they did add to the confusion. I'm trying to get her to go to a support group. The American Cancer Society has been in touch with several suggestions.

It's her body and from reading I understand this can be as much or more an emotional problem than a physical problem.

I need suggestions in giving support. Getting ready for recovery, what to say and what not to say, and anything else you may wish to tell me. Is there a site that may help me? My hope is those of you who have been through this sill know how to help me more than anyone else.

I have my own problems which may limit me physically for a short while but they should not be much of a limitation shortly. We do have family and friends that will be able to help.

Dear Paul
 

I sure have been reading your posts. I am sorry the both of you have to go through this ordeal with different medical issues. Eva has had the surgery that your wife is going to have. She is recoving now, and is posting failry often. I know she can offer words of compassion to your wife. Please know that there are people praying for you both. ginnie:hug:

Hi Paul,

I think here and/or Caregiver Support are just fine.

Support is exactly right. Some possible starting points might be to
Google: breast cancer support
Google: ready for breast cancer recovery
Google: what to say breast cancer
Google: what not to say breast cancer

In most matters, I've found Google and WIKIPEDIA can be our FRIENDS! :D

That you know & care enough to post what you have is profound, so I probably don't even have to mention...
Look at her with the same eyes you always have. ;)

Doc

Hello paul
 

In the spiritual support forum, Eva responds there fairly often. She has had the surgery your wife faces and is home recovering. I wish I knew the skill on this site to get your post to her. I still have alot to learn here, and I have never been that good on the PC. If you can't find the thread, ask MrsD She is a moderator, or Kitty, or even private message to Eva. Eva is a blessing to this forum and is one strong lady. Sorry I could not get you there myself. I never learned yet to transfer these posts. I don't think Eva would mind you posting to her on PM. Let me know if you have gotten in touch with this good woman. She has offered alot of us emotional support. I am also here just as another member to try and help. ginnie

need you Dr.Smith
 

My lack of PC skills is interfering with what I should do. How can Paul get in touch with Eva besides on PM. Can he just type into the members list for information? His wife is having the same surgery Eva just had. I am trying to get Paul connected to Eva to help. Paul needs some support on his wifes up coming surgery. I can't transfer a post yet, and feel bad about it. Let me know if you can help. ginnie

Hi Ginnie...

1) All Paul has to do is click on a thread of Eva's and make a reply. I looked at her profile and she is logging on and reading here. Shows she was here yesterday in fact.

This is her profile:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/member.php?u=37210

This is a recent thread on this forum, right below this one:
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread162718.html

2) Paul can also click on her name as it appears on the forums anywhere, and go to her profile that way.
On the profile are choices, "visitor messages", "statistics", etc.
at the far right is a box "contact info" . He can click on that
and the choices come up...she has enabled "send an email to"
and he can click that and a box will come up where he can send to her private home email. This box does not GIVE the email but will send it.

3) He can click on her name as it appears on any post, and a box will come up and show--- 1) profile, 2) send a private message, 3) send an email etc.

hello paul

i would be happy to answer any questions you may have
i wrote you back under title "took pictures"
feel free and contact me

may you both be blessed with love

Three Blessed Dear Ladies
 

Ginnie, MrsD, and Eva- teaming up to be in touch with Paul, helping Eva to make the connection. I came here this evening, having just learned our 41 yr old niece has been DXed with cancer. Different from Paul's wife or Eva, but invasive and frightening nevertheless. So what I bring this evening is the one thing I can do for any of you, Paul included, PRAY, as I am for our niece.

Paul, dealing as you are with chronic pain and a recent surgery, times are surely to be hard, and if there is one thing I learned the best as between my wife and me these past seven years since the wreck, it is the simple act of reacching out to hold hands, to speak of love, to pray together which bound us ever more tightly together. God, being love, has strengthened our own.

May His love pour upon you both as a welcome shower,
Grace and Blessings,
Mark56:grouphug:

Hi Mark
 

I have learned something very valueable on this site. People do care, and we join forces and prayers to help those who are scared and in trouble with their health. I have never found this kind of compassion before anywhere in my life, especially on a public forum. This site must be God inspired. This ministry goes beyond our physical problems and goes right to a person soul. I pray for all of us many times during the day. Just a quick prayer sometimes when I have to do errands. I am so glad that even with my lack of PC skills, that MrsD and you came to my rescue and got these people connected for help. People need each other. This is exactly how the world should live. Do unto others as you would have done unto you. This is how I perceive this site. Have a good day, all of you. I am blessed to have found all of you. ginnie:grouphug:

Hi Paulb_47
 

Sorry it took so long to get you to the right place. I know you are in contact with others now. I wish you and your wife all the best. I am praying for you both. I knew the moderator, and others would help me to help you. I have alot to learn Paul about how to navagative this site effectively, so I am sorry for the delay. Take care of each other. ginnie

Follow up
 

dear friends

todays doctor
reconstruction
i think one more filling
then the permanent balloons
write when i return

doctors appt.
 

I hope this appointment goes OK for you. I am praying for you while you are in the office. ginnie

Hi Paul
 

How are both of you doing? I have not heard from you in some time. I still have you in my prayers. Has your wifes surgery taken place? take care. ginnie

how do you you
prayers are always forgotten

Hi Eva
 

Well I do have a trick to remember what, when and who. I have a Noah's Ark Tin, sitting on my desk here. I write down who has the needs, and when, then I look at the names in the Tin every day. That way, I can at least say a prayer for those people at the time they need it. It isn't fun to be alone while we go through this stuff, I just figure someone in spirit, can be with those folks while they go through their traumas. I also have pad and paper to google up those illnesses that I don't know much about, so at least I have a basic understanding about what tests and proceedures they must endure. I know that God doesn't answer all prayer, and that we really don't know much other than he really does exist. So I pray anyway, in the hopes that if we don't know mercy down here, we will find it later in heaven. I also feel so helpless when I hear of anothers sufferings. Yesterday I went to bed with a full tummy, but I knew of a lady from NT right here, who had no food for two days. I couldn't sleep knowing she was hungry. You just can't turn your back on those in need. I am doing something about this right now, by helping direct her to agencies that can help, getting her in contact with free council, and I will make sure she has food on the table. I also know that others care about what happens to me, and they know what my medical and family problems are. I am being prayed for too, so I pass on, the good that has been done for me. I know that when Jesus was on earth, he wanted us to be good to each other, do unto others, as you would have done unto you. If we all would do that, the worlds ills would disapear. One day, on prayer at time, we all can make a tiny difference. Mark is after a big project, in which he may help alot of folks. He is in the tin! so are most of the folks I meet here. This site was a blessing for those who brought it into existance. It drew people together from all over the world. somebody had that first thought to do this! The acted on their inspitation. Hence we are joined in the human family. Keep right on praying dear Eva. We are all family. ginnie

Prayer nevertheless and always
 

My life is wholly given over to God. Prayer. A Joy!
Mark56:grouphug:

dear ginnie

still can't figure out
what message i was
trying to get out
apologizes
lots of love

Hi Eva
 

I think you were questioning, how I manage to remember certain folks at certain times, for appts. and proceedures. I have a prayer box, a noahs ark tin and I write myself notes about people. That way I don't forget. Also when I look up someones condition, or do some research, I keep that in the tin also. It is like a back up for my memory.
Hope you are continuing to do OK. I think about you daily, and always hope that your recovery goes well, and that you find an answer to your back issues.
On another post, I got some good news. I saw a new Orthopedic doctor. There is hope for me. I had rented wheelchairs, and have trouble walking for any length of time. I get my MRI monday, and will find out exactly why I am having the trouble. He didn't agree at all to what the other doc. said. Just goes to show we have to go in for second opinions and even third opinions, perhaps in a different but related field of medicine. First was a podiatrist, second a specialist in ankle and foot, this third is orthopedic reconstruction specialist of foot, ankle and leg. It is all in the methods of their education. I didn't give up, and kept searching for a better outcome. It worked....

I hope you have a good day today Eva. Easter is a time of renewal and hope.
Have the best day you can and lets rejoice that Jesus is risen. I watched a show on the Shroud of turrin last night. The top scientists still don't know what happened, but a 3 D image showed a picture of the person who was scourged, and crucified, nails in wrists and feet. Sounds alot like the bible to me. :D ginnie

dear ginnie
thank you for your wishes
who wouldn't