dealing with personality changes/shift (?)
 

One result of PCS that I've noticed for a while now is that little things can really bother me, and certain things can set me off and I'll turn snappy almost before I even realize I'm bothered by something (I've heard this is not uncommon.) I'm gaining a bit more control over that, however I've become increasingly more aware that on top of that, my personality seems different. I don't think it's that I'm entirely different but rather my emotions seem much more raw and almost shifted and how I think seems to have been rewired.

For example, I used to seem to fight primarily with fear before, but now it seems to be somewhat more anger/aggression that's taking over. Not that I'm biting everyone's head off, but I seem almost careless and make much more bold (and sometimes stupid) decisions. My ability to filter what I say seems off too. What pops into my head seems much more likely to pop out of my mouth without me really stopping and thinking about it until after I say it.

In some ways I'm glad that I'm more out there and less inhibited by fear, etc, however I feel like I don't know how to control this new person and keep them from saying/doing something they shouldn't. My ability to discern possible repercussions of my actions seems kinda shot and I find myself thinking a lot "well, I sure hope this isn't a mistake, I can't tell right now..." And even sometimes when I do realize I could be making a wrong choice, I seem to have a harder time making myself care. "Eh, whatever" seems like my default answer when I can't figure out what's the right answer (which happens fairly often, as thinking/reasoning is fairly often challenging right now), usually followed by acting on impulse. I seem much more focused on what's happening right now and how I feel, as opposed to what the future holds (results of actions) and how I should be acting (right decisions.)

Anyone else have any experience with or tips for handling your own self when the person in the mirror seems to have become a stranger with rash emotions trying to take the wheel? Without going into further details, I feel I may already have made some really bad decisions and want guidance on how to put down the shovel before I dig myself any deeper into any holes.

I have noticed a distinct and unusual lack of emotional control since I was injured. And getting snippy and weird...

I've gradually gotten a lot better in recent months and weeks.

When it happened, the people around me (my boyfriend, family and friends) just knew that wasn't me and that what was happening (my behavior) was a direct result of the tbi.

I think the best thing you can do is just point out to people that it is a symptom of what's going on with you and that most likely it's not permanent.

And apologize!! :D

I had the same problem...I just recently started to get better with this.

I don't like the way I feel after an anger outburst or an argument with someone. It increases my symptoms to the max...so I'm starting to learn how to control my temper. As much as something bothers me and I want to open my mouth, I just let it go or respond in a calmer tone. If the person continues to push me in to an argument, I just say "I don't want to argue with you."

My filter is also broken. I tend to say things that I don't mean or that I normally wouldn't say if I didn't have a head injury. This is also why I decided to start working on my temper and let things go. Stress is very bad for people recovering from a head injury...very, very bad.

My advice to you is to take it slow. What I mean by this is, when someone says something to you...take a break and think about what they said and how your going to respond. That is what I do. I noticed that things don't come out right if I'm quick to respond. We don't have the ability to quickly respond to things right now - we are injured. It will take some practicing but once you get it down, you will be less frustrated with how you handle things.

I use this method when I'm in the kitchen making something to eat...or cleaning my room. If I move too fast, or as fast as I normally would if I wasn't head injured, I'll screw something up.

So, in short terms: Bring it down a notch. Don't be quick to respond. Think about what your going to say before you open your mouth. Avoid arguments with people.

I hope this help and I hope it makes sense to you.

ditto here. I was biting off heads ala Ozzy everytime I turned around. My daughter and husband both talked to me about it-kindly. They understood where it was coming from. I asked my family DR for an increased dosage of a med I am taking short term. He agreed it would probably help.

I also found myself very very emotional. At any second I would tear up and start to cry.

Time has been a big help. I have stepped away from the roller coaster. Still get aggravated easily, but not nearly where I want to kill someone. Feel better!!!!

Emotional lability (mood swings) is one of the most commonly-listed symptoms of concussion. So you are completely normal!

For people you are around a lot, I tried to make sure they knew that it is a symptom so they could do their best to give me a little extra space. Mayo Clinic has a really good booklet for families that can help explain this and gives some strategies for helping them deal with the brain-injured person: http://mayoresearch.mayo.edu/mayo/re...i_families.pdf

I think you're fairly early on in recovery, so you might not be doing meds yet? But if you are, something like Prozac or another anti-depressant might be able to help stabilize your moods a little bit too. You can ask your doctor if the moodiness is really bothering you.

Other than that, I have just tried to keep myself out of stressful situations as much as possible. I know that my emotional stamina is very low, just like my physical stamina. I can't do much, so I have to limit my exposure to things that are likely to set me off.

v-lo,

There are two issues to consider about changes in personality and reactive behavior.

The PCS brain tends to suffer from rigid thinking. This means we can get stuck on one train of though at the expense of any other thoughts. This can prevent the self-correcting thoughts.

The other is the common tendency to outbursts. Combine over-stimulation with controversy and outbursts are lively to rise up and slap everyone. I struggle with this the most. My solution is to walk away. Better to be rude and be thought of as rude and inconsiderate that to stay and speak up and act like an irrational idiot.

We with PCS may also suffer from a dysfunction in the part of the brain that reads other peoples body language, facial expressions and voice inflection. This can cause inappropriate responses.

When we have identified these traits, we can develop some exit strategies and ways to avoid the triggers.

This is likely the area of PCS that is most damaging to our lives. We alienate and lose friends and jeopardize job and business situations.

I carry pieces of paper in my wallet that say, "Please be patient with me. I have a brain injury that cause me to over-react when confronted with shouting or someone barking orders. I respond by getting loud. Any assistance to help limit excessive auditory stimulation is helpful. "

I hand one to the first TSA agent when at airport security and anybody I need to deal with in a loud and chaotic environment. If I give them the paper to read, they tend to read it in its entirety. They will not read it if you just show it to them. So, have multiples in your wallet by your ID.

Cops can be problems if you get over-reactive so these papers can make a big difference.

Hope this helps. Many of us are in this same boat.

Wow, biting of heads ala Ozzy puts it in perspective.

I have been denied boarding once and had trouble getting past TSA twice when they yelled at me and I yelled back.

My best to you.

A very articulate post, v-lo. You're describing exactly how I think about my PCS.

Eowyn - emotional stamina - nice!! Great way to think about it!

Hi v-lo,

I am 11 months into my recovery and doing quite well. Your post very articulately describes some of the ways I was early on, however it is only by looking back now with a relatively clear head that I can recognise that the way I was wasn't normal.

You seem to have much better insight into these changes than I did, which I think must be a big advantage for you. The main thing is that you can see there's a problem and are trying to keep your responses appropriate, which I think is the main part of any solution.

I feel the same way, very well said! Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling I'm not the same person as I was prior, but I can't quite place why (besides the obvious symptoms) I think one of the things as far as anger goes, I would recommend if you are getting upset, whether you're angry or tearing up or shouting starts, LEAVE. No matter how rude it may seem you're being, sometimes you just need to leave the room to calm down. I had someone say some rude things to me and the best thing to do was to leave, especially if you know you might say something you'll regret as soon as it leaves your mouth. I find when I'm upset it's a trigger that also starts with fogginess and confusion, which makes everything worse. I hope that this helps you a little bit, and remember everyone here understands what you're dealing with! :)

I feel like I'm the same person looking at two different data sets. One tells me to act/think one way, the other in a completely opposite (and not very nice) manner.

I've found that trying to destroy the evil Kirk (Star Trek TOS fans will remember that one) only makes him stronger. Integrating him makes me feel, well, more integrated. Then the anger and aggression goes away.

I figure God gave us all a dark side for a reason. Who am I to argue?