please let me die
 

I want to end this horrible pain I wish I could just walk away, lay down and never get up.. I'm alone quite often.. I'm a cutter.. have been for 10 years now, I tried to die once befor buut got caught. But if I do it this time it will be very final.. but my ? Is why choose life over death??? I'm not scared to die.. I'm scared to live in horrid emotional pain any longer

(((Kell))) You want your pain to end, not your life. Many of us on this forum have been where you are now...we try to hold each other up and give each other reasons to live. Depression is a beast and many of us fight it on a daily basis...it is a struggle but we have, or try to have, hope for a better tomorrow.

Suicide is forever, with no chance for improvement. And completion of suicide ruins more lives than you can imagine. Your two living children are reason enough to continue living. My only son killed himself and it forever changed our lives...don't leave your family that legacy.

There are threads stickied to the top of this forum that might be usual for you to read. Pters wise words about fighting for your life.

I'm glad you posted here...please continue to talk to us. :hug:

want to walk away
 

I'm sorry about your son, sometimes things are just so complicated, and life in my 23, years has not been so kind to me, I was raped at 11, and abused and been into prosttitution at 15 and than I straightend out my life at 17 and got married to a wonderful man we have 2 children and now things are going back down again. With the loss of my babies I feel so broken and dead inside and sometimes I just don't think I can go on

Are you getting counseling? Could you go to a support group like Compassionate Friends? Does your husband know how terribly depressed you are. You said he is a wonderful man...tell him exactly how you feel.

I am fond of saying that people cannot help you if they don't know how you feel. You have had a lot of bad experiences in your past and you rose above them to begin a new life. I really admire that and I know how much courage it takes to get up each day and begin again.

Have you read Tear Soup? It's a wonderful book and I highly recommend it. Tears heal us. :hug:

Your children need you, Kell. Whole and healthy. :hug:

My daughter is 23. She's been through a very difficult few months. She's not suffered the losses you have but she's been overwhelmed and not functioning. With some help she's now doing really well. It's a very difficult age and you have a lot of responsibilities for one so young. I hope you have other family and friends who can support you at this time?

Hi Kell,

I'm so sorry for all of the hardships in your young life, I can't imagine what it must have been like. I know it's hard but you need to focus on the good that you have in your life right now. You have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children who love you. Their lives would fall apart if you were to leave them. My mom died four months ago and my dad is still lost without her. You said in another thread that you feel broken inside without your babies, but your husband and two living children will feel just as broken if you took your own life. If you can't go on living for your own sake, then do it for the people who love you. Keep living so your family won't have to feel those horrible feelings that you have to feel.

In one of your other posts you said that you were afraid to take meds because you thought it would make your years of therapy meaningless, but the most effective method (by far) of coping with depression and bipolar disorder is by going to theripy and taking medication. The medication is there to help you get well, and you're not a bad person, or even a weak person, if you need some medication to get by.

I'm glad you found this place, there are people here who know how you feel, and their all here so you don't have to go through this alone.

Please take care.

Yes I think to an extent he does but we have been fighting a lot, because of my in ability to function and bee the loving house wife and caregiver I once was..

Thank you for saying that, Lonely1... so much stigma against drugs makes me sad ... sigh.

(((sadkell))) :hug: ... please, please ... if anything... try to learn all you can about the benefits of medication... you mind is very sick right now... and its tricking you into irrational thoughts of taking your life.

Listen to me please!!! I am exactly where you are, but not going to kill myself. Yes I did try years back and also got caught.....Please know that things get better, talk to me. I live with horrid:hug: chronic pain from a very bad MVA , broken everything but worst of all; the thing they couldn't give pills or help for was a broken heart and head. I am still plugging along and it's been 15yrs...Dam its hard...I KNOW...I still know but I am still seeking help..Please don't go anywhere maybe we can support each other. I am here if you need me and I can give you yrs of my battles to give some reason to live and help cope..all my love. You are NOT alone; I could use someone too.:hug:

Hi Morphine and welcome to this "forum family". Obviously you will offer great input and support to those who are hurting. Thank you! Kell hasn't posted here in a while but also posts on a couple of other forums...her husband surprised her with a new little puppy so she has a new love in her life...puppies are wonderful. I hope she continues to have hope. :grouphug: