Grieving the loss of my cat Minki.
 

I know it may mean silly to some that someone can grieve in a similar way as the loss of a family member or a friend but it is what I am feeling now. I have never married and had her when she was a kitten. It is difficult to describe the bond between us but you can imagine. She was diagnosed with the feline aids cat virus and this was so sad to see how the virus just simply started to get the upper hand and eventually caused me to have her put to sleep. What is causing the most pain right now is that I feel so guilty as I left the room before she was put to sleep. I simply could not be there and was starting to cry uncontrollably. Now I feel that I have abandoned her in the end. I have a codependent over-caring personality and this makes it even worse. 5 Years ago I was engaged to a lovely lady but she is an alcoholic and the engagement and all contact was ended when she went to rehab. I was devastated and then learned about co-dependent behavior. I went to All Anon and got myself better by applying the steps and slogans to my everyday life. Interesting is that I am exactly back to where I was when I lost the engagement now with the loss of Minki. People with codependent personalities are good people but we suffer and hurt much more than others I think. Thanks for reading my message.

Markus, there's nothing silly about love! I'm sorry for your loss. Your feelings of guilt are natural, but please keep in mind you did the best you could at that moment. You did exceptionally well by even making the decision to ease Minki's pain and suffering. Not everyone can do that.

I heard this recently, and maybe it can help you:

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

You have many wonderful memories of Minki! Smile because you shared your life with a wonderful friend. :)

:hug: Markus :hug: There's nothing silly about your feelings of grief. I have pets (3 cats) and would feel absolutely devastated if anything should happen to any of them.

What you're feeling is totally normal and expected. Give yourself permission....and time....to grieve. There's no correct way or correct time limit to grief. It's all very personal and individual.

Pets are family. Sometimes more so than other humans in our lives. Treasure the memories you have of Minki. You made her life wonderful while she was here. Take comfort in what you did for her while you shared her life.

Thanks for the encouragement. I know it will get better and Sparky that is good advice to rather smile instead of grieve. Right now I am simply not able to but soon I will and then I am going to apply this advice. It's almost as if I do not know myself as I will be doing something or even talk to someone and within a second feel the tears coming and then it really pours. It comes and goes at any time without warning. It is now the 3rd day and I do feel better than the previous two days so I have hope now. So good to talk to people who understands. Thanks!

I call these episodes "grief bursts". They come out of nowhere and have no rhyme or reason. When my husband passed away nearly 11 years ago I would be somewhere.....like the post office......and something would trigger one of these. It was disturbing because I could be fine one minute and the next I was dissolving in tears. As time went on they became less frequent. It's just part of the healing process.

Some times our pets are more like family than people so it is normal to grieve that loss. It is just as real as any other loss. For anyone to think other wise is cruel. I am so sorry for your loss I will pray for you during this time of grief that you remember the wonder memories you have and are able to find peace and comfort.
Brenda

Thanks Brenda, I am better now, although I am yet to have a day without crying. Going to sleep and waking up are the worst times.
This morning I woke up without crying and had to leave the house early as I had a trip to do (I am also a tourist guide in my area Cape Town South Africa). As I left my house, still dark, I noticed some mail in my mailbox. I took the mail and put it in my bag to have a look at it later.
So later as I sat down to have breakfast at this one hotel while waiting to meet with my group, I took the first letter and opened it. It was a card from the veterinary hospital where I took her so often and who put her to sleep in the end, expressing their sympathy with my loss of Minki.
Needless to say it immediately triggered the tears to flow, but eventually I know the day will come without crying. She was such a special cat.

We are very attached to our cats. We've had several very special ones over the past 40 yrs.

The only thing I have found to help with this intense grief is a new kitten. Choose carefully... but it can be great therapy.

I understand your feelings very well... just let the tears come...as they are therapeutic in their own way.

Hi Markus
 

Cry and grieve, that is what you do, and must do. I do know about the bond with animals. I had scruffy from 4 weeks to 21 years old. I cried for months, and I still do, two years later. It is OK to cry like that. I could not be with my cat either, when I had him put down. I felt some of that guilt too. However if I had not given him relief, I would have felt worse. You did the ultimate gift of love for Minky, but granting him rest, and no pain or illness. Please know that you are not alone. Even people that do not have co-dependant type of personality feel like this. Your grief is totally understandable. Remember the love you have for this friend, never goes away. You learn to live with the loss, but you never forget the friendship you had. It stays with you, and eventually you will look at pictures, or a toy and smile. My memories are wonderful, and there is great comfort now, these two years later, that I did the right thing, and so did you. I wish I could give you a hug, or my shoulder to tear up on. ginnie:hug:

So many people tell me that (getting a new kitten) and thanks for saying it too. Everyone means well but the way I feel now is to never ever get another cat as I simply do not want to experience what I am going through right now ever again. Maybe in a month from now I might feel different about it, but as I say for now not. I knew the day my friends brought Minki to me that I would get too attached to her. Anyway everyone just try to help and encourage me so I appreciate all the comments. This is a good website and I feel supported in my time of grieving. Thanks.