Losing it
 

I really feel like I am slowly going crazy.
I am stressed about my future finances and all stuff I have written about before. I have always been able to sleep with my Meds but they are no longer working. I stayed up until midnight and still got up at 4. When I got up I saw that someone dumped a can of yellow paint on his red older model Cadillac that he cherishes. I have said hello to him a couple times but he just will not acknowledge anyone in the neighborhood. I am really upset about it. He is not in town so i filed a police report for him. I went to the store and I was talking to a woman who was asking me about my dog and her freaking kids were petting Trip behind me. I bellowed "NO, NO, NO," you don't do that, you should never pet a dog from behind and without meeting him first....people in the parking lot looked at me like I was crazy, so did the mom, so did Trip. So I was super anxious already and then things start happening like they always do when I am fired up, lose my keys, lost my wallet found them both.

I actually extended myself introduced myself to a guy who has TBI/PTSD with a service dog. I skied him if he would mind if we took the dogs for a walk and he could teach me some things. That turned into he invited me to his house for brunch, he has his kids this weekend and it all got to be too much so I canceled. Also, I am an officer, he is enlisted and I could get in trouble for fraternization. I asked him if we could meet at a park or coffee or something some time. He was very nice and I feel very safe talking to him. I just want a friend....nothing more.

I went to my AA meeting this morning just drained and what they call emotionally hung over. I told them that I needed like 4 feet of personal space today because I am so scared of people. They were so nice to me.

My house is normally pristine but now it is a mess. I have recipes all over the kitchen, medical papers all over the dining room, the vacuum out, clean laundry in baskets to fold so instead of dealing with it, I blew up a queen sized aero bed in the living room (not that i dont have a queen sized bed in my bedroom or a guest room) and Trip (my dog) and I are going to watch something like the Walton's or Little House on the Prarie and listen to the rain from Isaac that is making its way up here. I can't read, can't comprehend.

My TBI doc keeps pushing me to the psychiatric side and I really feel like my TBI symptoms are in full force. I feel like this will be me for the rest of my life.

I am so miserable. I am trying so hard not to feel.

:hug: It sounds like you are really struggling. I think this smilie says more than my words can!

It sounds like having Trip around is helping - my housemate's dog is with me a lot and he has a calming effect on me. Poor thing got really upset when I was having a meltdown the other night.

I know these feelings...it's so hard. I could do with a friend too, have been on the hunt for one. I hope you find someone you can talk to in the flesh. Take one day at a time my dear, and some of those days will be good days, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Dogs are the best, he is ok with whatever is going on, thank goodness. You always have such nice things to say. I really appreciate it.

Hi there. A couple of questions/comments:

When was your injury and start of these latest symptoms? Recovery takes time.

You have a great resource with your AA meetings, rather then "trying so hard not to feel" that's a great place to acknowledge your feelings. When we realize what those feelings are we can take steps to resolve them. It's not unlike the first 3 steps in AA. If you have an AA sponsor that person could be a great sounding board for the stuff related to your TBI/PTSD.

When I was a couple months home from the hospital my family got me my "service dog" an adorable pug names Keona (Hawaiian for "God's gracious gift"). She is indeed, a day doesn't go by without a few hugs and kisses from her to make me feel better.

Hang in there. Best to you as you continue on this recovery journey.

:grouphug:

Thanks for reminding me
 

Of the strength in the rooms. I forget about powerlessness and God too. My accident was 10 Aug 2011. I don't think my symptoms ever stopped. This fear of people, all people is new, with in the last 2 mos or so. My service dog is a big old lab with a very sweet face and frankly he may be causing some of the trouble in public. He draws people in. He also knows when I can't speak with it and avoids people too. I got him a new vest today w 2" x 8" panels that say do not pet and one that says service dog.

Keona sounds wonderful.

Hilary

Future
 

TBI/PTSD I find myself worrying as well. Not as much as yourself but I can't seem to get a handle on it. Often I will start to count my blessings over and over. If it is still too much I turn to my faith and try to remember my time here is short, no burden brought to me is too much.

I may not understand why but there is a reason. I still struggle and some days are very long. I frequently feel alone even though I know that is not true. We are all part of the human condition, we are not alone, to suffer is to know joy as well. One can not be without the other. I find the joys are subtler now and ones I frequently overlooked before.