My Mom , My Best Friend , My only Friend
 

My mom has always been my best friend, the only person i could talk to about anything . My mom became ill with walking pnumonia and heart disease . When i would hear her coughing i always told her to go to the doctor , but i guess she never paid any attention to it . Her job required her to do a lot of traveling so when she was coming back home we always spent so much time together . The last day she came to visit my brother and i she didn't seem to be her usual energetic self she wouldn't really look us in the eyes . I remember before she left i gave her such a tight hug and she just looked at me . Within a few days a image came to my head of my mom on the ground holding her chest . I became so sadden by that image . Within a few weeks my brother came into my room and told me she was in the hospital . I was just in shock and didn't know what to say . Not only was she sick but she was far out in new mexico . So my dad took my brother and i to go see her in the hospital , and when we saw her she was so heavily sedadted she couldn't communicate . I never gave up hope that maybe she will be able to get better enough to talk with us . She never did ... It was hard to see my mom in that way i cried everytime we visited the hospital . The doctor came and told us how much time she had left to survive and he told us it was pretty much of nothing . They broke my heart . All i was thinking that i never got a chance to know she could hear me say i love you . September 8, 2012 my mom passed away it seems as though the passing does not hurt the most as me not being able to ever tell my mom that i love her one last time before she left us . Now im constantly worrying if shes in spirit can she see me, hear me, anything ? I have no closure and that is what hurts the most . I've been getting emotional ever since the hospital visit and i dont think i will ever move on from this . I have no friends , my mom was my only friend and now that shes gone i feel like i have nothing . I just wish my mom would've taken care of herself better , i don't understand why she didn't just go to the doctor before letting things get worse. When i see pictures of her or even things she used to wear i start to cry . im 18 shes gotten the chance to see me graduate and even seen my prom pictures . I just wish she could be here to see everything else im going to accomplish in the future :*(

Dearheart ~ I'm so very sorry for the passing of your beloved mother. It is so very difficult when we lose one of our parents. I've lost both mine now, and i feel like an orphan and I'm 63 yrs old!!! There is always something I want to ask or tell my Mom or Dad.

Honey, believe me, your Mom CAN see what you're doing and she DOES know that you love her. Don't EVER worry about that. I personally know of 2 people who have "died" and were brought back, and they actually went to "heaven" -- or came close, and there IS life after death. They saw their loved ones, and your Mom can see and hear you.

In tme you MIGHT feel her presence around you. Perhaps you'll feel something brush against you, or smell her perfume in the room. Perhaps something will be moved in the room. It might take time, and it might NOT happen. You just never know. But sometime you'll get a sign from her.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee :)

I can relate, completely, and I am so sorry. I'm 25 and I lost my mom when I was 23 to a sudden dx of pancreatic cancer. I feel for you right now and I know nothing I say will take your pain away. I remember when people would tell me "It was God's plan for you mother" or "It's going to be okay" I just wanted to punch them in the face! Of course it's not going to be okay. I'm thinking of you and I hope you'll seek a grief counselor sooner rather than later to help you get through this. We all grieve in different ways and on our own time too, so don't let anyone ever tell you when you should be "okay". Speaking of perfume, I keep a bottle of my mom's perfume in my bathroom and smell it from time to time. It always makes me cry but it always keeps her close to me. I also wear a piece of her jewelry often. Losing our moms at such a prevalent and necessary time in our lives is absolutely horrible. Knowing they won't be there for our weddings, see their grandchildren, see our successes & be our guidance...it's just so hard. Just please know you're not alone, and although the hurt of such an incredible loss will NEVER go away, I can promise that with time it will get easier to carry on and manage the pain.:hug:

Below is a little bit about my mom and her passing if you'd like to read it - if you don't want to that's okay. I didn't want to start off with it because I wanted my response to be about you, but if you want to read it maybe you'll be able to relate a little bit and not feel so alone (if you happen to).

My mom looked and felt completely healthy the day before the dx, and 8 months later, she was gone. She was my best friend too. I would cancel things with my friends just to have a lunch date or shopping day with my mom, and I lived with my family so she was always around too, haha. I was angry so so so angry with life when she was dx with cancer. I ended up secluding myself, and looking back I remember how awful those trips to the hospital were to be with her everyday and I had 1 year of college left at the time and I was struggling so badly. Crying constantly, not eating, not studying, etc. I'm a Christian and I was so mad at God. I couldn't understand why her, why my mom. I'm sure you have felt the same way..."why my mom!?". My mom wanted so badly to see me graduate and she held on as long as she could but she didn't get to. She had a stroke that happened the day after mothers day, and after a huge fight we had. The fight...that was the last conversation I ever got to have with my mom. I live with so much guilt because of that because the fight was due to my selfishness. I wish I would've sought help from a grief counselor sooner, but I didn't. That is something I regret not doing, to be honest. It's been 2 years and everyone in my family can openly talk about my mom now and celebrate her life, except for me. Any time someone even mentions my mom or memories of her I run away and go into another room because I can't stop the tears. I immediately start crying at the drop of her name. It's 2 years of built up grief and guilt that I ignored for so long. I just couldn't accept the truth. I didn't want to believe it was real. I kept telling myself she went on vacation and that she'd walk through the door any day now.

I can't continue with the story because this has started to make me cry. I just want better for you, and we all grieve in our own ways. Some people, like myself, build it up inside for weeks, months, or years but eventually in that case we all end up having some sort of breakdown in the future due to it. I know for me, it's started to creep up on me and I'm starting to get depressed again, have physical symptoms of anxiety, crying everyday, and it's a sign to me that I'm on the verge of a breakdown due to built up grief and I now realize I can't do this alone and I need help. I hope you'll do that now, if you can, so you can avoid this feeling 2 years down the road that I'm now going through. If you ever need to vent or talk, please message me. I can just listen, give advice if you want it, or just be a support if you need it.

I still hope and pray everyday for a sign from my mom. Anything, I'll take it and I hope you get that from yours too. <3

xoxolovey
 

I have passed over and back. I won't bother with my story but your mother is with you everyday, and you her. She is in a most wonderous place that has none of the sorrows or pain of this world. If you can still your heart and open yourself to her presence you may feel her. We do not leave our loved ones behind when we die. We learn the only true seperation between us is what we fool our selves into believing. I am so sorry for your grief and pain. But talk to your mother in your quiet and be patient and listen. She will speak to your heart.

I am so very sorry. I lost my mother at a young age as well. And she too was young, really. She was 49. We were best friends. It took me a very long time to feel even ok. In retrospect, I wish I had gotten counseling right away. I did eventually and it did help. Just like the other person mentioned, if you are a spiritual person, try to remember that your mom can see you and is happy. You can talk to her. You wouldn't want her to be on this earth, sick and in pain. And she would want you to get emotional help if you need it, to feel better and when you are ready, to move forward in life and to be happy. This is hard, be sure to take extra good care of yourself. Be with people who genuinely love and care for you. Know that you can speak to your mom quietly in your mind/prayers. God Bless you.

thank you lee
a heart felt
thank you

and for you Dearheart,
may she come to you
praying for that miracle

God Bless

someone who cares

my father committed suicide
April 8, 1980
as i am 52 i only
recently been able to
forgive him

Dear Love, I am a Stephan Minister and most of my training is in grief. Grief takes a different amount of time for everyone. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. But, when grief goes on and on and you can't get through it, you definantly need some help. Spiritual counseling is what I do. It's really rough losing your mother at such a young age. You are grieving for things that could have been instead of totally grieving for what used to be. you could have a service if it would help you let go. You could bury her ashes or spread them at a place she loved. Then maybe you could tell her goodbye. As for her knowing how much you love her,,,, go through Jesus. He will take care of it for you. Have a good talk with him of the same things you said in your post. HE will guide you. He will get the messages to her. He will take care of everyone of your needs. And give Him your pain.
You and your mother are God's children and He cares very much for both of you.
If you need any help from me, I'm offering. I have so much empathy for people going through grief. It's so very difficult. God Bless you and your family. and may the peace of God's Grace be with you always.
Blossom25

Hello SamRose, I think you have all the qualities of being a grief counselor for sure. I have been one for several years now. I'm a Stephan Minister. The most gratifying thing I've ever done in my life. I trust my Lord and He has always sent me down the right pathways. If you want to talk more to me I would love to. My parents have both passed. I know what it took to get through it. So painful. Hope to hear from you.

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I still grieve over the loss of my mother and best friend and it has been several years. NO words will erase your pain. Just know that you are NOT alone. People do care about what you are going through. I was so angry that everyone else went on with their life after my mother died and I could not. I felt like MY life was over the moment she died. How dare people resume their lives, I thought. Didn't my Mom's life mean more than that to others? How could they grieve for the moment and then move on? Why wasn't every one that knew and loved her not stuck in grief as I was (and still am). It took a long time for me to get over the anger.

I know that you did not get to hear a response from your Mom when you expressed your love for her but I promise you, SHE knew it. You said she was your best friend. Being your mother and your best friend, she definitely knew how much you loved her. Mom's know. The only advice I can offer...... and it is what I do and sometimes it works....... I think about what my Mom would want.... Would she want me to be sad the rest of my life? Only when I think of that do I feel that it is no honor to her to stop liviing my life. She would not want that for me. It has taken me many years to realize that and I still grieve and probably will for the rest of my life but I do now know that she would not be happy to see me sad. It has not been very long since you lost her so give yourself some time to heal. You will never stop missing her and loving her but the pain will get better.

My condolences. Losing a parent who is also a friend I difficult. Remembering the good times helps.