How do you cope?
 

My husband is two years post TBI. I am so lonely for him. It is hard to be married to someone who is unable to provide emotional support, is argumentative, easily frustrated and refuses to follow his doctors/therapists advice. I am so tired of having to take care of everything from working to deciding whats for dinner every night. I am tired of making all the decisions. and being forced to cope with any crisis by myself. I really miss sex too..I was wondering how other spouses cope with these issues??

Hi and welcome to NeuroTalk.

I’m on the “other side”; I’m the TBI survivor, so my thoughts will be from that side of the experience and what I have learned about recovery from TBI.

Being argumentative and other forms of disinhibition are not uncommon, but after two years I would have expected some improvement. It’s concerning that he refuses to follow doctors and therapists advice. My experience was that it was the doing the mental exercises that helped my recovery. I did repeat myself often, and I just asked my wife and others around me to let me know when I was doing that. That way I began the process of consciously trying to remember what I said and did.

A little more information about his injury would be useful. Was his injury a single mTBI (concussion), multiple concussions, or some other injury? Is he seeing any therapists such as occupational or speech?

If you have insurance I’d suggest a neuropsychological evaluation from a clinical neuropsychologist if he hasn’t yet had one. That can help identify specific deficit areas and tailor therapies toward resolving them. This of course assumes he is willing to be evaluated and to follow up with the therapies.

The loss of interest in sex could be physical, psychological, or a combination, depending on his injury. I’d suggest as part of his next physical exam they test his testosterone level. Mine plummeted after my accident, and for men, low T will reduce libido and can contribute to ED.

All brain injuries are different and they all heal differently. Best to both of you. :hug:

mamawife,

lightrail has given you good advice. Plus, you should make every effort to connect with a Brain Injury Support group. Post the state and town where you live and I can research a support group for you.

Has your husband 'accepted' his injuries and dysfunctions, or is he in denial? Learning to understand the difference between his normal behaviors and the behaviors of his injured brain can be a big help. He likely has good and bad days. Accepting the bad days as do nothing days but looking for the good days to get things done can help.

As lightrail said, diagnostics to define his dysfunctions so a plan of action can be started is a big help.

What diagnostics has he had so far?
What advice from doctors and therapists is he refusing to follow?

More information about him, his general health and habits , his injury, his eating and drinking habits, family structure (kids, etc), education/training/past jobs, and daily activities will help us better understand how to help.

For you, the most important issue is to find a TBI support group.

My best to you.

As I am 'on my own, solo' through all of this, since my age 50s these 4 yrs now post-MVC-rear-ended-collision --- and as well 'widowed' since I was age 24 --- I cannot genuinely post reply to your appeal to spouses / survivors of TBI-PCS.

However I can relate/empathize with your lament re: the loss of your former well-known spouse/husband as he was, prior to TBI-PCS.

My best to you, please. And I know that others here, more appropriate to your situation/circumstances, will indeed respond to you with their experience and best counsel.


All the best to you and your husband,

Theta