New leaf, new life!
 

So I have come to a couple conclusions. I NEED to stop dwelling on the negative, inundating, overwhelming things that have been pushing my stress level through the roof.And, to remember the strong competent woman I know I was/can be!! I NEED to focus on bettering my health, mind, life. Not only for myself but that so my daughter has a positive role model. I have decided I am not going to let CRPS rule my thoughts, and body. As much as possible anyways. And I DON'T need someone who is dragging me down with negative energy and adding complications to an already maxed out body and mind.


I still have a LOT of pain, but I am choosing to ignore it as best I can. Which easier since I have the Lidoderm patches. I see a new Doctor on Thursday and am going to discuss medicine options with the patches, something like the Amitriptyline, and a possibly some form of narcotic for when I have break through pain only. We'll see how that goes. I am going to be more ASSERTIVE in my needs/wants because I don't feel I should have to tolerate a ton of side effects! It is my body and my money that's paying them so they should work with me on that front, if I say I hate how it makes me feel. Having me be fatigued to the point of falling asleep anywhere anytime. Or tons of nausea and vomiting to the edge of distraction.

I am going to BETTER myself and go back to school. This will be tough but I have to do something different, so I can provide for my daughter on my own. I have an actual, obtainable goal in mind that won't take years and years but WILL make independence a realistic goal! I CAN do this I know there are many others, who have faced bigger challenges and still have major success. I will NOT depend on the help of a man/partner when I CAN do it on my own!

Yes I am tired of being in pain. I am tired of having people look at you and not see anything that "wrong", so I MUST be exaggerating. My CRPS has not made my skin bright red or blue I have some visible mottling and temp difference and a little swelling. That does not mean I don't hurt. If someone can't be there for me and just accept what I say, well then I guess I don't need them in my life anyways.

I saw a quote today that for some reason struck a chord with me

""You do NOT have a choice about other people's behavior. People are going to do what they do and there is nothing you can do about it at all - except choose what your own behavior will be. ""

It sounds like a "no brainer"for most people, but when you have an issue with chronic pain, or a similar life altering event, you can forget the basics when you get caught up in everything else. You want others to be a little empathetic or supportive. When all I need for support is myself! I can be the one who understands and I DON'T need a partner to get it! Even though it would be ideal in a strong healthy relationship, it isn't a necessity for me to be able to cope. And if said partner can't support me when I need it most? Well I guess we were really partners then.

So from here on out I am determined to be there for myself and my daughter first and foremost! I can count myself very lucky as well. My condition was caught early, mainly because I sought a second opinion. I can plausibly push this into remission. Or at the very least keep it from progressing/advancing. As much as I hurt I will still hurt no matter what I'm doing so I'm going to do something for ME. The will better MY life, and advance MY future. My whole life I have always thought others should come before myself. Husband,kids,work, a lot of the time self sacrificing to a very bad fault. WELL not anymore!! With the exception of my daughter I and coming FIRST, MY needs will be taken care of. And if I am called selfish, so be it. I've come to a point in my life where I MUST focus on myself.


Yes I will have limitations. Physically and Emotionally at times. I will still need to lean on people from time to time, but I need to draw strength from them. Not have them take what little I have left, then have them NOT help clean up the resulting mess. I don't know exactly how I will do it in my own, but I have faith in myself. If I can get the right combo of medicine and support from a medical team.....then I can do damn near ANYTHING I out my mind to!!! And it's about time I started!

I like your attitude -- It's hard to keep one like that, especially after Ive been dealing with this life for 27 years. :( But just a suggestion for some medication. Instead of the Lidoderm patches, you might ask for the Fentanyl patches. The Lidoderm patches are only TOPICAL. They don't get into the blood stream, and thus don't offer proper pain relief. The Fentanyl patches DO get into the blood stream, and offer MUCH better pain control. You might ask your doctor about those. ;)

I'm very very hard to medicate. I'm the type that actually WAKES UP during surgery. Even during general surgery, when I have tubes down my throat, and I'm on "life support" etc., I actually wake up!! During my 2 open spinal surgeries, when I'm on my face during surgery, I tried to let them know I was awake, but because I was on my FACE, they couldn't tell I was awake -- and I couldn't move because they'd given me curare'. It took me forever before they realized I was actually awake -- it was terrifying! So I'm very very hard to medicate. The point of this is it's taken all these years to find a combo of medication to HELP with my pain -- and we finally came up with 2 that work!

I'm now on OpanaER 60mg twice a day with Lyrica 75mg twice a day, along with Topamax 200mg twice a day and Cymbalta 60mg twice a day. I've finally found relative COMFORT after 27 years of AGONY. Except for a few days here and there of flares, this is absolute heaven for me. :) You just have no idea. So I just thought I'd let you know what has worked for me.

I know you've had a rough time, so maybe something in here will help you too. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee ;)

[hi emily anderson;

what a great post and im so happy for you ---i came to same conculsion this past year . If something doesnt feel right like in a realtionship and you feel it deep down -- its better to stand on your own and make the best of what life brings .im sure this post will inspire many people who suffer from chronic pain. Sometimes we all get stuck in unhealthy relationships for many reasons not wanting to be alone but if the other person isn't supportive to your needs esp during rough times-- health issues etc..-- how can you ever trust this person--or want it grow to the next level. Always doing whatever to better yourself will make you much happier person. Congrats!!

[QUOTE=Leesa;945960]I like your attitude -- It's hard to keep one like that, especially after Ive been dealing with this life for 27 years. :( But just a suggestion for some medication. Instead of the Lidoderm patches, you might ask for the Fentanyl patches. The Lidoderm patches are only TOPICAL. They don't get into the blood stream, and thus don't offer proper pain relief. The Fentanyl patches DO get into the blood stream, and offer MUCH better pain control. You might ask your doctor about those. ;)

I'm very very hard to medicate. I'm the type that actually WAKES UP during surgery. Even during general surgery, when I have tubes down my throat, and I'm on "life support" etc., I actually wake up!! During my 2 open spinal surgeries, when I'm on my face during surgery, I tried to let them know I was awake, but because I was on my FACE, they couldn't tell I was awake -- and I couldn't move because they'd given me curare'. It took me forever before they realized I was actually awake -- it was terrifying! So I'm very very hard to medicate. The point of this is it's taken all these years to find a combo of medication to HELP with my pain -- and we finally came up with 2 that work!



Lee,
I seen this on Greys antomomy espisode and I thought-- what a nightmare to wake up during surgery. I never known a person it actually happend to talk about freaking nightmare !!