Social Life / Friends
 

Ever since my injury, I've found it hard to make connections with people. When you meet someone, you usually become friends with them because of shared interests, activities, mutual friends and your/their personality. Well, what happens when you lose ability to participate in those activities/interests you shared with that person? What if your personality has drastically changed? I've lost so many friends in the last year and a half because of this. They are still there, I have them on my Facebook, my phone's contact list and we occasionally talk.. .but its not the same anymore. I'm not the same Nick that would throw parties at the house, BBQ on the front porch with loud music playing, hit the club and be the only white person throwing it down on the dance floor or the guy that would invite you over to whoop you on a video game. I'm just not that guy anymore, so, what's the purpose of hanging with anyone?

When they call me, or hit me up on Facebook, I don't have much to talk about. Why? I don't do anything anymore. Once we get passed the part where I tell them how the kids are doing, that's pretty much the end of our conversation. I stay home, pay bills with my disability check and take care of my kids lol. "You want to hit the strip with me? ", No, that would cause me problems. The casino? Nope that would be even worse. How about pool or bowling? Nope ,every pool hall and bowling alley in Las Vegas plays music. I'll be in the car with someone and they'll put the radio on and I'm like "Can you turn that down please? "...lol. People don't want to hang with someone who can't do anything fun.

How do you make new friends? My communication has taken a toll due to the location of my injury, my response time in conversation is slow (it takes me awhile to come up with a response), sometimes I can't respond at all, my personality has changed, I haven't found any type of activity or interest that doesn't mess me up, I don't know who I am anymore and I have nothing to talk about. I've got this dark cloud in my head that is blocking me from accessing information stored in my brain.

I'm a male version of a HOT MESS! !!

I'm becoming very depressed with the direction my life is going. I almost want to delete my Facebook so I don't have to see and read about everyone else enjoying their lives lol. Just seen a pic of one of my friends drinking a tall can and BBQing some burgers. Two of my favorite things to do.

Idk...where do I start?

I Can relate
 

I am in the same situation....If any of my friends EVEN text or call I do not have anything to talk about except what I am going threw....who wants to hear all this....in their eyes I'm being negative or they think I want sympathy.....I have all these things built up and when I do get a call I want to talk about it because I am screaming for help....those people can't help me or relate....they tell me I can control this and my mind!! REALLY? How? It's like a slap in the head again.....

I decided I need to stay away from them and conversation even because it makes me feel disappointed in myself....like I really need anymore disappointment!!! I am young and living like a elder as well...I have no direction yet because I am still waiting to get medical attention with a psychiatrist that knows TBI/PCS.....UGH

Nick I know the weekends are the worst for me....my health & body does not let me do anything I use to....I like the weekdays I have appointments with Physical Therapist & vestibular theraby....so I am wore out and feeling like I am taking a step in positive direction...All we can do is try to focus on the positives such as still being alive, faith in higher power,family, thankful for staying strong threw this struggle....anything that is a positive....we have to reverse these thoughts of negatives to positive to keep our heads up! If you know what I mean? It totally sucks I feel your pain because I am challenged by this loneliness and restricted lifestyle! I hope you find this helpful knowing that you are not alone:hug:

I was just thinking another saturday night doing absolutely nothing, the only thing I can say is ditto on everything said in this thread it pretty much sums up my life right now to the t, this really does suck

Ya it sucks. I'm 20 something but feel like I'm living like an 80 yr old. On the plus side, I've had more time to visit with my grandma.

I too have considered getting rid of facebook, twitter etc. as constantly seeing updates of all the cool stuff my friends are doing gets me down.

Fortunately for me, I've had a few close family members and friends stick by me through this rough time and we have a closer relationship because of it. I've had quite a few friends who I've now lost touch with but as the saying goes, "you find out who your friends are". And although it sucks to lose people I thought were my pals, if they're not going to stick around when the going gets rough, maybe its for the better after all.

From the other side of the 20's and dwindling 30's I feel compelled to tell you youngins something that I hope is encouraging.

I don't remember many of those socializing days that are the norm throughout those years, with any particular fondness. I know it feels lonely and I'm not dismissing that.

But the significant moments I remember from those years have never involved drinking, clubbing, or even shopping. (Women are all gasping... Stay with me) the moments I remember from those years are things I would still value, like the time I climbed a mountain and felt so close to God I couldn't speak. The time I lent a woman my shoes to walk home, and I walked in her too-small pair.

The birth of my first niece. How she smelled so heavenly and I felt so grown up at a mere 21.

What you believe you're missing out on is no particularly special gift. Yes it's good to be young but it's wasted on seeking pleasure and seeking self. You young things have an incredible opportunity to live a slowed down reflective and meaningful life.

Your friends will come to you in 10 years when they're on their second divorce, or their kids are on Ritalin, because their fast paced life left them zero time to grow as a person.

Ok that's a generalization but its no different than assuming they're all having the time of their lives.

They're just doing what they know. When you know better, you do better. Or when you have to live differently, you are different. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

And one last thing. Friendship doesn't have age limits. I find comfort in the elderly and I'm amused by the young. So if it helps, maybe broaden your circles if that's possible. It's true you have lost some commonality with your peers. But quality people are out there who would love to have a friend such as yourself.

You all have plenty to give or else why would you give yourself to this forum? Right?

Ok, that's your old lady lecture for today. Lol :)