First date with CRPS and nervous!
 

Well, I have a first date tomorrow and I am nervous! We have talked over the phone for about a week but my two friends are setting us up. I really like him so far, but I am nervous I am going to have a flare up or something. I haven't decided if I should tell him or try to "fake" my way through it. I am going to a BBQ at his house with my friend and some of his friends. So it will be casual. I am afraid the subject will come up because he asked if I worked and I said no, well there was a pause that was waiting for an explanation of how I handle that financially, so I had to tell him that I was disabled. He didn't seem to care and still invited me out. So I don't know what to do... any advice???? And any ideas of what to do to keep from getting a flare up, like what to wear? Should I dress up and try to push through the pain or dress comfy? As you can see I am nervous....lol
Angelina

I wouldn't worry about the "being disabled" thing...just be yourself. I wouldn't try to hide anything but I probably wouldn't make it the topic of conversation either. Dress comfortably for sure. Wouldn't necessarily wear PJs...but don't wear anything that will make you uncomfortable. As far as what to wear or how to prevent flares...it's hard to say because we are all so different. Air movements and cold can cause flares for me so that generally means being all covered when I go out. Not sure where your RSD is...but if Lidoderm patches, lidocaine cream, TENS unit, or heating patches help then I would put those on before you leave and wear them while you are out. If you have pills you take to help keep the pain low then I would make sure you take what you need before you go out. And definitely make sure to bring anything with you that you might need in case of a flare. I never used to wear a purse or if I did it was always something very small. Not anymore...I have this big black purse that I can put all my "flare kit" items in. Take it easy and don't over do it.

But as far as the actual date stuff...just be yourself. He can either take it or leave it and if he leaves then he wasn't the right guy for you anyway, right? But don't worry about all that. If RSD comes up in the conversation then talk about it...but don't dwell on it or get caught up in talking about the horrors of living with this monster.

With my boyfriend...it's really great because he never treats me like I am broken. He respects and understands my limits...pushes me to do as much as I can but never more than that. It's a great mix. Remember that you are NOT your pain or your RSD. You are still you...a person...and you HAVE RSD. Don't let it define you and don't let others define you by it.

Good luck! I will keep my fingers crossed that you have a good time.

Thank you so much. You helped put me at ease a little. It is hard dating and having CRPS doesn't make it any easier. lol I am going to just relax and have a good time. I will be prepared as best as I can be when it comes to flare ups and just hope one doesn't happen. Thank you for all your advice, and reminding me that this doesn't define me!
Angelina

Angelina,

I can just tell from the tone of your posts that you will do fine! You have a good attitude and that is 90% of it!

Dating anxiety for anyone with CRPS is not an uncommon problem. I used to date frequently, but since contracting CRPS in 2008, I haven't dated at all.

It has been such a challenge just to get a diagnosis, figure out the correct meds, go through all the testing, then trying to get the CRPS to settle down! I've had some success and continue to try new techniques/therapies/drug combinations.

Maybe it's time for me to consider dating again as well?? Let us know how it goes!

Thank you! I try to keep a positive attitude as much as I can. I really think it helps with everything. :) And maybe it is time to start dating again. I will let you know how it goes.
Angelina

Dress nice, but comfortable so as to set off a flare up. BE HONEST. I don't mean go into detail with all the horrible stuff before you even say hello. But let him know. If you truly want a relationship that is going to last you don't want it to start with dishonesty in a way. But at least let him know that you struggle with something sometimes to begin with, that way if things go well and you have another date but have a flare up, and might have to reschedule he might be more understanding than thinking he's getting blown off. Anyways anyone who will be truly worth your time will understand and not be judgmental!!

Best wishes and good luck!!

Well??? Update please!

Update
 

Well, it went ok. I did start to have a flare up. But I went to his house for a BBQ so I was able to sit alot and get off of my leg. My leg would not stop burning. His sister is my friend and I guess she kinda explained that I had something wrong with my ankle, so he was very understanding. That being said, I am not sure if he is for me. He is kinda a negative person and as you guys have figured out I am not. :) But I am going to go out with him again. He was very sweet to me and seemed very caring. Plus he is not too bad looking either! ;) So the night was a success and as soon as I got there he made me feel very comfortable. I had a great time and am looking forward to the next time we hang out.

Thank you for all of your advice! It for sure helped me get through this date!!

I know I'm coming to this after the fact, but I saw your original post today and the topic you hit on is something I spend MUCH time obsessing (and I'm a little obsessive to begin with) over with my Pain Psychologist. Thank you for bringing it up, and, after reading your posts, good luck with seeing with any developing relationship in this case (or not, if you've moved on).

Being single, dating is an important subject. I was, well, devastated by the realization that I, in all likelihood, am going to be permanently afflicted with a disorder that, in my case, is progressing slowly throughout my body. I'm officially 'disabled' now, but I know my condition is going to lead to further physical dilapidation.

All the meds; the nerve blocks; nothing works. The most beneficial thing has been therapy, along with meditation (when I'm not in a pain flare leaving me on the floor unable to even try such an endeavor).

But I had the need to be able to verbalize, to practice the part, to run lines with my therapist about actually going on a date with another human being. The acting analogy also is a reference to my situation, living in LA, and, before all of this, working in film.

I was hopelessly stuck on when you do the normal date background talk "well, I've got this 'thing'. Do you have an hour?", which just made me more depressed. I mean, I have to say something. I use a cane; I have Lidoderm patches all over my body. My condition can't be avoided.

My therapist wiped all my consternation away in an instant, simply suggesting I say "I hurt my back", and leave it at that. I couldn't get my hands around that one. I'm (it's unavoidable) so wrapped up in my affliction, I felt I couldn't just say something so simple. Additionally, it's dishonest. The more I ranted I got to saying that's morally offensive.

But my therapist kept on her tact. Her point being I am not just my illness, there is so much more to who we are as a person, that why would I bog myself done in the muck immediately. It is a little narcissistic actually. I strenuously objected to this strategy, but she was tenacious. Her suggestion was if the date led to another meeting, and things were developing, then I would reveal the whole hours long tale of woe and misery. The correct response from the woman (or man) should be sympathy. It would certainly be my response if presented with such a scenario, and if I was interested in that person, I would continue on to see what could possibly develop. If that was NOT the response, well then see you later. You're morally repugnant.

I've found that of course other people don't obsess over another's illness the way the ill person does, and that it is indeed possible to get to know someone.

I mean, there's nothing I can do about my situation. It is what it is, and it isn't going to change anytime soon.

I forgot to write in my rambling post my sincere good wishes to you in your dating adventures.