advice, stupid comments
 

hi pain pals. Well today is day 4 with a pain level of 4-6 its been so good im afraid what tomorrow will bring. I just need a little advice my mother in law says to me gee I feel so bad for Brian (husband) now that he has retired and you are holding him back from golfing and what not. He is 57 and Im 54 I couldnt believe she said that like i can change it lol I have fibro, neuro pain, epilepsy and some other stuff it has made me leave work 6 yrs ago I wont ever be going back I am on disability they have been really good to me so far. How do you deal with a statement like this any advise please
Thanks Toni

Ignore her the best you can, she's not going to change. Do what you can, when you can, where is it written you must spend every minute with him anyway? Besides, he might like to just be out with the guys too!

Personally I think your husband should tell her how that made you feel horrible . Oh-- I responded to your on your other post too --about predisone for nerve pain. People amaze me what comes out of there mouth and I dont think she should get away with it --but i dont thing it needs to be a big fight either but she should know for sure. It was thought less statement I think to make you feel badly--- so--- def nothing wrong with someone esp her own son saying it was rude.

Ignore. People vary in their ability to be tactful or even have empathy for others.

People with low empathy thresholds, will NEVER be understanding enough for people in pain.

If you search the net for chronic pain and insensitive people, you'll find reams and reams of posts. Pain is invisible to others for the most part. Anyone with an invisible condition, which impairs them... like MS, chronic pain, MG, PN, etc, have this problem with others not understanding (or not even caring).

When I started walking in public with a walking stick, I found much more sympathy and help than before, when I just limped
around. So I now walk with my hiking pole when necessary, and it is better for me even than a cane. (canes tend to promote staring and curiosity). Hubby thinks I look rather "continental" with the hiking pole! LOL ;)

I won't even go to the MIL thing. You can be PERFECT and some MILs will pick at you anyway. It is a no win situation even
under the best of circumstances!

I understand what the other poster advised --but i do think a bit diffrently because like u stated they been good to you and obvious what your mother in law said really bothered you or you wouldnt post. I think sometimes not that it has to be a big ordeal but if he(husband) were to let her know the comment hurt your feelings --it was thought less . I think the problem is if nothing said you will always hold resentment about it which isnt healthy either but it can be said back tactfully to her. That's me-- I leaned long time ago to ignore rude comments and it got me nowhere fast --but hurt.

Thank you so much for reading my tread just hearing your comment have made me feel alot better

Toni

Mothers -in-law are in a class by themselves. I was 25 with a newborn, mastitis, and two toddlers, and my mother-in-law called to tell me I had tied her son down with all these kids and he should still be going to "parties and dances". No, I did not marry the prince of wales. We laugh about it now, but it was incredibly upsetting at the time.

Some relationships never improve. Do not give her the power to hurt you and do whatever it takes to protect yourself. As others have said, sometimes it is better to let your husband handle her.

Depending on MIL's age and other factors, and how she is to get along with normally, this may have been a slip of the tongue, that she wishes wasn't said...

IMO often sons have trouble "talking" things like this over with their mother...:rolleyes:

Sometimes a simple comment at the time of offense is -"I'm sorry YOU feel that way..." but he hasn't complained to me".. or some such whatever fits...

But seems like he could still golf if he wanted to, but I know it is costly.