vibrating pain
 

the weather is warming up, my legs are swelling as well as hands feet.
I find myself fighting increasing pain, and every time I go to the dr I listen less and less. I also find that on some level I fear losing the pain , as for If I do and it is only Short amount of time I find the is relief, I fear I will mentally and emotionally break upon the return of this pain.. Is this ODD???
The pain seems to be on me like a pair of pants and a shirt. vibrating in painful life. seemingly with a mind of its own, tears well in my eyes more frequently, sleep is a dream, I will catch an hour hear an hour there.. I have increased the amount of painkillers I take (this scares me) and i only helps so very little. the migraines come like waves now,and they are getting worse as well. while sitting there crying, I dare not meet the eyes of my family as guilt will then accompany my pain.
spring is here and now I am only a spectator to its beauty and no longer a participant. yes thats the right word .. my pan has made me a spectator to life around me, and I am slowly becoming an angry old hermit, I notice bitterness in my words to my children.
uUUUUUUHHHHHGGGGGG!!!! OK THIS WAS A QUICK SPILL THANK YOU ALL FOR LETTING ME DO THIS... I hope all are doing well and finding better and better ways to cope , and lessen their pain.
GOD BLESS ALL

I don't think it's odd at all. I know what you mean about the brief relief making you worry more about the return. I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad. I'm sure the worry doesn't help the migraines and pain either, I have been worried about my husband this week (he is grieving the loss of his brother) and my pain and headaches have been worse for it. Are you getting any support at all? Over here we have phone lines you can call for emotional support (eg. The Samaritans). I don't mean that to be patronising at all, I just worry when I read your post as you sound like I felt over Christmas. People here will know more about what support is available in your area if you don't already know yourself that is. I'm new and don't know many "regulars" here yet, so please forgive me if you're already aware of any help available. :hug:

Hello kathy.
I am not new to this forum, in fact I use a support group in which some of the people on this forum attend(even run) as well. un fortunately it doesnt help at 2 in the morning(LOL) I am just venting . I always find myself looking for the good in the end. but thank you for your concern, it is most warming to see it.
I know also that with sharing my feelings it has also been known to help others convey as well. granted I shared just to get it off my chest but afterwards ..knowing it may help others also lightens my soul.
Truth is; we feel what we feel when we feel it and there is nothing any-one can do about it except teach you how to work your way through it. same goes with RSD.. for now. as I hope they will make a break through soon. I will always hold to that and believe there is a reason behind my suffering.
Thank you I say again for your kind soul and words. for caring when you yourself suffer, thAT IS A GREAT GIFT please be well and I hope you may find a pain release day in your immediate future.

I know that feeling right now. With the weather warming up, im again flairing, but diffrently, Its like i cant win with the stupid weather! And the past 3 days its just been flat out HARD and i sit here and wonder how on earth am i going to make to 40yrs old when im only in my 20s. When the pain just blankets you and just eats at you. There the hard days. There the days that you want to wave the white flag and drop out of the war my body is fighting. But that cant happen! So i have to keep going, i have to keep adjusting to the pain. Its just how it is. But the past 3 days have been hard. Im tired, and im stuck in a blanket of pain right now and i know its from the weather because im overly hot and cant stand it. And i can say tomorrow is a new day, but i know tomorrow is just another day of today. Ill just keep fighting this war, i may not win, but I hope for future generations there will be a cure because of the battle ive fought and so many others.

i spent the better part of the day on the couch crying in pain. no position was good, even my swelling is worse.I have been looking forward to the warmer weather in hopes I could do more. why in the world is the weather always against me..