Newbie and newly diagnosed
 

I just found this through psych central where I've been a member for a few years and go to PC for help when I need it.

As of yesterday I was officially diagnosed with epilepsy. I'm afraid. I'm sad. I'm not as panicked as I was after having the tonic clonic seizures but I am afraid and I am sad.

This is a life long diagnosis that can not be cured in most cases and I can't afford surgery so I doubt I'd be able to go that route even if it was an option. I'm afraid to drive even though the neuro said I would be able to when the meds start working. I'm afraid to get pregnant even though I'm getting married in two weeks and we plan to try in two years.

I'm sad because I feel like this will always effect me. I don't know if I will ever feel comfortable driving, if I will ever feel comfortable taking a bath. If I will ever feel comfortable going swimming alone, if I will ever feel comfortable around a large crowd, if I will ever feel comfortable alone, if I will ever feel comfortable at all.

I got medication but I'm afraid to take it. I'm terrible at remembering to take medication, if I forget to take it it may make things worse and I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid it wont work and I'm afraid it just confirms my diagnosis. I know even if I don't take it I've got epilepsy but the medication makes it feel real.

I'm trying to be strong, be strong for my daughter and my fiance. He's been through enough with my anxiety and depression from the first two seizures, I can't put him through that again. I just want to wake up and this whole seizure deal be a dream. All of it.

Welcome to the site. you will find a lot of helpful people here. I'm new as well. My husband is having absence seizures. not yet diagnosed, We go on Tuesday. He is also very scared and depressed over the whole situation. Hopefully when the meds start working you will feel great!! Hang in there it will get better, that's what I keep telling hubby.
Lisa

I am sorry to hear of your bad news. There are many people here I am sure that can stir you in the right direction and give you the best of advice. Glad to see you join here and new like allot of us, we will learn to manage.

Nice to meet you!!
 

just a helping hand
 

Hi welcome to neuro talk. Please do not feel so afraid or ashamed no one but you and who you tell knows you don't have a big red E on your forehead. I know just how you feel because I also have epilepsy. I was also very afraid about pregnancy but now have 3 grown children all healthy and very smart children. Under supervision of my Dr I even kept taking my medications please take your meds as you could become siezure free. If I can be of any help please just ask.

fear is the little death
 

Hi FPM, I too am a member of Psych Central, but my health concerns are rapidly overtaking my former psych issues. I understand what it is to suddenly be at the mercy of a capricious and dangerous foe, one's own body! I encourage you to try four things:

One: - learn anxiety management skills. Anxiety can make everything worse. It can be controlled and even eliminated. Skills become stronger with use.
Two: - get help with taking your meds regularly. There are watches, or use your Cell Phone!, to alert you to the time. Ask your friends and relatives to help you monitor your med regimen. Do NOT be SHY! This is Your Life, be pro-active.
Three: - practice acceptance. There are ways to gain a feeling of calm and composure with any chronic condition. They do take skill and Practice Practice Practice.
Four: - allow yourself to grieve. This is a terrible blow to your self-image, self-esteem, and self-respect. Even though rationally we know we are not to blame, the loss of confidence is genuine and painful. Grieving allows one to come to terms with this new reality and move on.

Best Wishes
StormE1

Thank you all for your responses it was very kind of you to take time out of your day to respond to me.

I still haven't taken the medication. I'm afraid to. Well I'm afraid to without asking questions first and the general practitioner nurse that gave me the meds wasn't able to answer a lot of my questions and dodged them so I'm waiting to start taking the meds until I see my neurologist on May 6th. I'm going to write down all my questions so I don't forget any and ask away. My questions are regarding if medication is the right route for me at this time since my full blown seizures are so spaced out. Apparently I have the simple partial (I think is what it's called) pretty regularly but have lived the last 21 years with them so I can tolerate them easy. My drop seizures and grand mals only typically happen every 1-3 years. Now I'm not saying I will never take the meds if I need them but I just got married and right now my husband and I are going the natural family planning route. We're not trying for a baby but we're not using any form of birth control but the natural family planning and I'm new to it so I may end up pregnant (which we are both fine with) and starting meds when I may possibly be pregnant concerns me, especially if they are not the safest meds to take for pregnancy. So I'm going to ask what is safe to take pregnancy wise. I also want to know why they concluded that I have epilepsy. What was shown on the EEG to confirm it and if there could be any other answer for why it came up positive. I am a frequent marijuanna user (I use numerous times a day but use very small ammounts for appetite and anxiety but I don't like to get high so I don't use enough to impact my thinking or behavior or even feel it) so I'd like to know if the hit of marijuana I used about an hour before the appointment could effect it. I also want to know if the visual distortions are related or unrelated to epilepsy as I had one during the EEG and have them frequently. So perhaps that is what the EEG was picking up. I've come to accept the diagnosis but I just want to ask questions before I commit to medication for this. I want to know, if I take the meds and it's not epilepsy if it could create seizures. I have a lot of questions and feel like they should be answered before taking a big step.

So in one week I have my appointment and will be able to ask all my questions and talk to the neurologist and start on the medications possibly.