need an advise
 

Hello there :)
i need an advise of your community as for my problem....
I have a child with ADD. He is really bright and has a lot of potential. And he has done ok in school until now. But he is going off to college next year and I am scared he won't do well on his own without me there to help keep him on task. How can I make sure he is prepared for life without me?
worried mom.

Hello you,

If your son did okay in school up until know- you've probably done lots of the right thing. At some point I think we are expected to switch from support person to more distatnt cheer leader. Not easy eitherway!!

Here's a story of me and my daughter, perhaps you can find something useful in it -- I also named a few College programs at the end... Sorry if it's not very succinct, -- I have ADHD!

I am the mom of a bright and engaging daughter who has ADHD and Learning Disabilities. When she was young, we put her in a private (day) schools, supplemented with tutors, summer programs and after-school programs. (We were lucky to have help finding the money to do all that-)

She applied to several colleges when high school was winding down and finally chose Curry College in Milton, Massachusetts. She attended Curry for a year and a half and enjoyed most of her classes and her workstudy job. She liked being on the stage crew for the theater department. I think her major may have been SOCIAL LIFE ! but that can happen to any student, with or without disabilities. A year between high school and college may have allowed her time to mature a little for the transition -- but we were anxious to get going... During her second year she fell in love with a young man here at home, and directions changed.

She took a "year off" from Curry about 7 years ago and didn't go back. She has taken a community college course on her own here and there. She is manager of a shop in a nearby mall, and still lives with the same fellow she met just before before leaving Curry.

I had to let go of my visions of her in college. I may have thought that with her disabilities she needs to be way more quantifiably qualified for life as a working adult.

I was diagnosed with ADD and Dyscalculia when my daughter was a teenager. I had dropped in and out of high school after a rough time getting through grade school back in the 1960's. I took college courses over the years and finally earned a BA in English when my daughter was about 9. Later, when my daughter didn't seem want to be a college girl too, I think I may have been disappointed. She may have just wanted to hold the reins for herself.

Where ever her path leads her, I did make sure she'd have plenty of tools to use when and if she decided to go to back school, or climb some corporate ladder, be a hair dresser or a scientist -- whatever she chose.

Now, I hold back and -as a MOM- holding back is a huge challenge! Sometimes advise can be heard as criticism - so I tread soft...! She still knows I am there for her. And sometimes now, she's there for me, too.

Curry had a very good support program for kids with learning disabilities and quite a few alumni who made it through the 4 year program. (Curry also has students without disabilities.) Some of her classmates did very well there.

We also looked at Landmark College in Putney, Vermont, which is said to be excellent although very high cost- and my daughter wasn't that keen on Landmark. We had a book (like the Princeton Review??) that rated colleges that could support kids with ADD or LDs - can't recall name... All schools are required to offer support services but some do it better than others.

I kept in touch with my daughter's support/advisor at Curry- had to get a release from my daughter to do that - and agree to only discuss very general trends. I tried to keep "on top" of things while she attended Curry, as much as possible, anyway.

I am also the Mom of an "undiagnosed" nineteen year old son --- but that's another story --

Best to you,

Morag

I have a similar child. I know she can do great things. I am considering sending her to this retreat (here's the site: http://www.add-student-leadership.org). They teach ADD students how to own their ADD and actually use it as a positive tool for survival in the real world.

If your child hasnt been accepted to a "far away school", I would recommend a local community college for the first 2 years. This is speaking from experience with my 18 year old stepson. He wasnt ready to live alone and be alltogether responsible for himself, but this gave a half way point to start from.

Most schools should have disabilities services too, register early and see what they have to offer. Its good to be in touch with them before a problem arises. If a student goes when they are failing its hard to bring the grades back up. They can help with study habits, organization, counseling, alternate testing, and really anything to help if their is an identified disability.

Good luck and believe that you have done your best to get your son ready for whatever his life has in store for him!

Take Care

You have to let go
 

Most kids stumble and fall when we're out the door for the first time. But we pick ourselves up and somehow manage to turn into adults and survive without our mommies. I know it hurts when its time but he has to live his own life.