Grieving
 

I love weekday's because I am busy with all my M.D.s.Than the weekends come and I start grieving over a lot and have nothing but time to think.I hate it!Today I went and did some weeding and starting to do what I can with the curbside appearance to be renting my house out soon.

Everything was going good until one of my perfect yard neighbors start mowing their grasses and I just start getting upset.Because I use to like cutting my grass and now I have to wait for someone to do it for me:(

I told one of the neighbors what had happened because she seen me last summer and I talked like a drunk but had no diagnosis yet and I was sober.Then I seen her again about 2 month's ago and told her the outcome from this accident.She said "if you ever need anything let me know"....I think that was very kind but I do not know her name even! Well I thought maybe she would come by and talk to me after she waved as her and her husband did grass.She did not:( I really just wanted to talk to someone but I was also VERY upset because I cannot cut the grass!

This weekend has been really bad for me with grieving!I'm a mess

I AM A mESS TOO.
 

Really. And I feel like you are more in the thick of things and are more justified in your feelings, though I realize my inner critic is raging out of control. Is there a support group for people with tbis you can join? Or just group sessions of therapy you can try? My therapist wants me to do the latter, but I don't know if I can do it. I see how it would be helpful but I'm too scared!

I too am sick of not being able to do things I used to enjoy, but mowing the lawn is not one of those things! Lol! I do wish I could weed my garden though. I'm not quite there yet! I just have really been trying to enjoy the things I can do and savor small moments of happiness throughout the day. They sustain me through the moments of frustration and emptiness. I know I will not always feel the way I do.

I'm reminded of a quote from my favorite movie: "The Dude abides." I will try to be more like the Dude!

Ok Ok
 

I know the root of this is because I decided due to all my medical issues I am getting surgery Monday to not ever have another baby. And the fact it is mother's day tomorrow, I feel like my illnesses has done some real pain and suffering for my teenage daughter.

I see my T every week but I did not get to see her this week because my schedule got packed and she got sick Friday when I was suppose to see her.So I guess all the above is some what reasoning to these feelings.I was so independent since my Fiance passed away 8years ago I just cut the grass and liked the workout lol. Also I lost a lot of my friends in past 2years so that makes me sad at times.And I am a mess on any holiday:grouphug: