How do I deal with the overwhelming fear and regret
 

lost everything the past 6! years. lost great job, savings, cant have kids due to brain injury, head and spine feel irritated, inflamed, and swollen all the time. Anyone have any ideas why? it affects my breathing and causes severe anxiety. I almost never leave the house due to the discomfort and confused surreal feeling.

I feel like I am living just so that others may not suffer. and that is not a good enough reason after a while. I pray that God will let me heal to the point where I can at least live life. all I can really do if I feel good enough is drive a cab, that is hard to swallow after being in such a high position at an investment bank, but my credit is ruined and am too sick anyway to sit in front of a screen for 7 or 8 hours.

the feeling in my head/neck/spine has not gone away for a minute in 6 years. just moving my head causes nausea and dizziness. I am going to see a neurologist again even through there is probably nothing that can be done.
I need help. thanks for reading and for your patience. this is a wonderful board.

markneill,

You need to seriously consider reinventing your entire life. This should start with a move off Staten Island. Small town stresses will do wonders for you. If you friends and family are not helping you lower stress and anxiety levels, there is no reason to stay local to them.

Life is a lot more than a high profile/income job and lifestyle. In fact, that statement should be "Life" is a lot "less" than a high profile/income job and lifestyle. If the doctors' medicating you hadn't contributed to your struggles, in time, the lifestyle likely would have.

We need to learn how to live a life of Less is More. You will be surprised at the joy that can be found in living a Less lifestyle.

But then I have a worldview based on my Christian faith and 40 plus years of experience living with Post Concussion Syndrome. I can't expect others to fully understand. I hope you will at least try.

btw, I finished this past week hanging by a frayed thread. But my life will go on.
My credit rating is trashed, too. But life is not built around a credit rating. Only the bankers and big business want you to think that so you can owe your soul to them.

My best to you all.

you're right on so many levels Mark. I spent my life trying get as much money as the next guy and always wanting more. in the end I have nothing but my life and I need to appreciate it more. I have been destroyed by the city life and you're right. I might need to consider moving. if my girlfriend does not want to come, that might be tough.

I feel like a nobody and that is bad. I need to try and bring myself up from the ashes.

Mark, I am sorry you had a hard week, but your responses are always of great help and greatly appreciated.

sincerely
Mark T

Also, Mark...when I first got sick, I prayed so hard to get better for a year and it didn't happen, I kept getting worse. I think I lost my faith then and I really need it more than ever. I admire that you have held onto your faith.

reinvent, yes
 

Hello Mark,

Mark in Idaho nailed some really good points.

Reinventing is really true. we all have to do some of this with our PCS.

I will work in an elementary school in the fall -- though I had 20 years and all kinds of lessons for my job in middle school. I know I can't handle the stress of middle school anymore, so I had a chance to change and I am. I am taking a leap of faith that it will be all right.

See what you can change in order to get to a better life. I am blessed because we do live in the country. I love hearing birds now and all kinds of nature. I liked it before, but I need it now.

Take care and hang in there.

Sincerely,

pm

Starting Over Again
 

I am at somewhat the same stage you are right now. Trying to figure what to do about my life.

I have seriously thought about moving to a small town and slowing my life down. The cost of living in a small town is a lot less than a bigger town and I find I don't do much and therefore do not have to spend much money.

I have not worked in the last 18 months and do not plan on starting until I have my symptoms under control. Also with the Post traumatic vision syndrome, if you cut out employment that includes computers and reading it can be a challenge.

I bet there are a lot of people out there that would like to reinvent themselves and we have that opportunity. I know it is scary especially if you are by yourself.

One of the hardest aspects of this conditions is the isolation and being single more so....

Cutting down on stress and anxiety is also really important. I recently sold my car and tent trailer. I could not afford them, they were too hard to maintain in my condition and I don't know when or if I can drive again or go camping.

It was very liberating to get rid of these two headaches and I am now trying to de clutter the house in possible expectation of having to sell my house.

I feel you pain, but try to take things one at a time and not to get overwhelmed, maybe you can think of a temporary change to see how you like it.

God Bless.

Norma:hug:

I know about the loneliness. I am alone all day and have company at night when my girlfriend comes home but how much can 2 people say to each other. I miss the interaction at work, and going out wth my friends. they deserted me when I got sick and it was so heartbreaking. I feel so alone and frightened, I thought I was a tough guy when I was younger because I could fight, but I didn't know what fear was until I got this.

Know that I think about everyone in this board at least a little throughout the day so you are not alone. always feel free to email me if it gets overwhelming. I am also broke, went from a hundred grand a year to 24k a year and nothing in bank at 45!!! I am scared for the future too!! but I guess I have to chill out and just hope to keel healing. hanks foryour honesty and input.

Mark, I just wrote on here and the post went kaput so here goes again...

The reinventing sounds like a brilliant idea, I have just joined this site recently so feel awkward even saying that, but a whole new life sounds like a good move.
Who knows what awaits you in a new life? I think you have to put yourself first.

As Mark in Idaho says, if family and friends are not helping you, there is no need to stay local to them.

Many people are so upset over how much money they used to make, their credit, I totally understand, but it is in the past and it's not what really matters, it's just not. Society makes us feel all that stuff is needed to make us feel worthy, not true.

It's very hard to be by yourself and in pain, it's lonely and it's scary, then your friends deserted you, I'd be heartbroken too.
Maybe you can go away for a few days to see how you do, somewhere nice and quiet? A trial run so to speak.

You deserve a life, you are not a nobody, never feel that way, it's not true, you're just going through so much.

I hope that neurologist can help you. hugs...:grouphug:

dagma1...you made me cry, in a good way. I feel like a nobody. I feel like everything I built, 36 years, was gone in an instant. you are right that I deserve a life, I hope there is a way for the neurologist to get rid of my worst symptoms, and I will try to build a new life. I will definitely try to get away a few days. thanks.

Look forward not back
 

I have been home for eighteen months now and at the beginning people would Call and visit. Now i feel completly forgotten. It makes sence in a way because. That was my old life.

Now is the time to forge ahead and make a new life and new contacts. It is sometimes hard to figure out but just start with one Step and the rest will follow.

Asking for help is a Good Place to start.