My heart is breaking
 

So the baby has been dead for at least a couple weeks. I should bee 7-8 weeks along and it hadn't grown past 4-5, and there's no heartbeat. My body isn't going into a miscarriage naturally yet and I just can't wait knowing what I know for up to 2 more weeks for it to happen. So I'm scheduled to have a D&C today.....I'm so torn over it.

I know the baby isn't "viable" as they put it, but very very small part of me kept hoping for a miracle. I can't seem to stop crying for very long. And I'm nervous about my CRPS moving or flaring after this.....I'll be totally under so I want have to experience it but.....I almost feel wrong for doing it. Like I'm having an abortion or something. Which I do not look down on other people for having, but couldn't do myself. I truly wanted this baby....I just cant seem to stop grieving. Someone said..."well you weren't that far along, it's not that bad" I just wanted to knock them out. I don't see how someone could think that it's any less of a baby, or that I shouldn't be hurting this much, because I'm not that far along.

I seriously am so hurt by this. It wasn't planned, it was a huge surprise. ANd then to have the hopes and dreams I had already started planning just ripped away. Seems really unfair. Like here's a great joy, but you can't really have it sorry, just kidding. I feel cheated, and angry along with a pretty intense depression,

I know this board is for CRPS but I figure this is hand in hand with my condition as well. It had gone into a kind of "remission" pain wise. Now I'm afraid it going to flare-up big time, or that it will spread internally or something......so many things going through my head.

It's a terrible horrible dreadful thing to happen, and unless people have experienced it they have no clue what it's like. Idiots who say 'you weren't that far along, it's not that bad' have to be ignored for your own sanity. They don't know, so disregard their idiotic and thoughtless views.

I completely understand those thoughts. I blamed myself for my own miscarriage because I wasn't sure whether I was happy about the pregnancy or not (we already had two children, it was an accident and we had already decided we didn't want any more long before it happened). In my head, I didn't want it enough, so it died. Ridiculous, but your head thinks these thoughts, and your heart does indeed break into a million tiny painful shards...

You have as much right to grieve for an unborn child as you have for anyone. You have spent these last few weeks planning, and thinking about it all, hoping and worrying and dreaming....of course you are distraught and terrified and distressed beyond measure. This is something you are going to go through along with everything your body has to cope with when you lose a pregnancy, and you mustn't feel bad for doing so.

I'm so sorry. I was so hoping things went well for you, and I can't imagine how much worse it is to go through this with the added concern of CRPS. I'm sure you have told your doctor about your CRPS and your worry of spread etc, so as long as they are very careful during the procedure and numb everything, there's no particular reason you should have spread. And you are NOT having an abortion. You are having a medically necessary procedure after a traumatic and tragic end to your pregnancy. This was not your choice and is not your fault.

I'll stop lecturing now, but I am thinking of you all the time, and I hope you come home later sad but safe.

Take care of yourself. I'm sending you some big hugs. I am so sad for you, it brings it all back to me, and the hurt is still there, but it fades and you do live again. Stay strong and be well.

Bram. :hug:

Miscarriage can be very common when you reach a certain stage of RSD. With the kinds of meds you've been taking, it might also mean that the baby simply would not have been healthy. (Or it could be completely random, you'll never know.) If you want to try getting pregnant again, it probably would be better to be off all meds for 3-4 months before you start trying.

It would be better if you didn't undergo the D&C IMO. They can be painful and I'd be concerned about spread.

A second opinion might not be a bad idea before undergoing the procedure. I was told by a doc I had suffered a miscarriage once and he had lied--a long strange story and I was lucky a friend took me to a different OBGYN...and it probably isn't the case for you, but an ultrasound is a pain free way to verify a viable pregnancy.

People often don't know what to say, and I'm sure they have the best of intentions. Remember your hormones are going crazy at the moment which always makes things so much more difficult to live with.

I am so terribly sorry. I saw your initial post and it was at the same time I thought I was pregnant...then the test was negative...and then I went to the doctor and it was positive. It also wasn't planned and I had been on the pill for 10 years. 4 days later I had a miscarriage at what would have been 7 weeks...that's this week.

I can't believe how insensitive some people would be to say that it shouldn't hurt because it was so early. I know exactly how strongly you feel the loss because I am feeling it now too...just got used to the idea and was starting to get excited...only to have it ripped away. I was also terrified...but mostly excited and knew my boyfriend and I would figure things out and make it though anything that was thrown at us. Well...THIS is what was thrown at us. We will make it through...but it still hurts...a LOT.

As far as the D&C...just make sure you weigh your options carefully. If there is a risk of spread then I would really consider other options first...mostly because you don't know how spread could affect your future chances for kids and/or an intimate relationship with your partner. But you need to do what's best for you...it's a personal decision...just try not to make an emotional decision because I know you are going through a lot right now.

I know it's hard...but TRY to take it easy and rest up. The more stressed you are...the greater your chances for a flare up. It's okay to be sad...you've just been through something heartbreaking. You need to go through the grieving process.

I am truly sorry for your loss. No one can know what you personally are going through or how long you need to grieve and heal.

I had a miscarriage years ago, before I had crps. I also felt that people's responses were sometimes less reassuring then they meant them to be, to put it mildly. I didn't care if I "could have another one"... I wanted that baby that had been mine and now wasn't. I am very grateful for my daughter who was conceived after the miscarriage, but that by no means negates the sorrow I felt.

I wish you all the support you need as you deal with your loss.

"I am so terribly sorry. I saw your initial post and it was at the same time I thought I was pregnant...then the test was negative...and then I went to the doctor and it was positive. It also wasn't planned and I had been on the pill for 10 years. 4 days later I had a miscarriage at what would have been 7 weeks...that's this week."

Thank you,

I am so sorry you too are going through this. I am still struggling so hard. I feel so alone. I keep thinking it was my fault. The meds I'm on for the CRPS are not good when you're pregnant..... I just...It's been hard enough dealing with CRPS and now this........

I just feel so empty, depressed and utterly alone

Keeping you in my thoughts
 

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can't say I understand because I have never experienced it. IMO I agree with the poster who said to try a 2nd opinion- it wouldn't be a bad idea, it's usually a good idea. Whatever happens, i hope you keep talking to people or posting, there seems to be a lot of really caring people here! It is a loss, and you are grieving it. Ignore the idiots, and listen to the people who care. Grieving a loss is personal & everyone deals with it differently.

To the second person who went through this, I am sad for you as well. I think the 2 of you experiencing this may be able to help each other. No one can truly understand unless they've been through it. I'll be thinking go both of you and wish I could say something that would help; all I can really do is keep you in my thoughts and prayers. :circlelove:

Hang on in there Songbird and Catra, I'm so sorry you're both having to deal with something so heartbreaking :(

It must be particularly harsh to know that your CRPS is so much to blame for what has happened. Just remember that none of this is your fault.

Thinking of you both, and I hope you feel brighter soon. All black clouds do eventually pass, and the sun shines again.

Bram :grouphug:

Song bird and Catra, I can't begin to know your sorrow. I'm so sorry this happened. My heart is breaking for you is all I can say. You have the love and support of us here if that helps. Maybe prayer can help ease the pain and give understanding.

It seems to me that ladies are the only one's on this little thread. But, I do understand, as a father of two, who raised them myself. C'mon Guys! Give some love!
I just don't get it....

I'm so sorry this happened. What more can I say?

Pete

Sorry even for my handle.....


asb but it is.....