My heart is breaking and people are so insensitive
 

So I had to have a D & C yesterday. I feel horrible. Empty, hollow, and hurt. I should have been about 7 weeks pregnant and the baby stopped growing at about 4 weeks.

One person I have always relied on is my older brother. I'm 30 he's 35. I only have 1 child who's almost 8yrs old. My brother has 1 girl who's 15. We always share what's going on in our lives and are very supportive.

Well, this has devastated me. I think this was probably my last chance at having another baby. My fiancé is much older than me and this baby was a surprise.

The one person I thought I could turn to in my family besides my fiancé (who has been wonderful), is the person who has hurt me the most. My brother kept saying things like, It could have been worse, or at least you weren't that far along. And probably the worst was "It could have been worse, you could have had twins or triplet's" WORSE? I would have been rejoicing if that had happened.

instead here I am my heart feels like its crumbling to dust and I can't stop crying. I don't care how far along I was my baby DIED. Inside of me. and there was nothing I could do.....

I know he was probably just searching for things to say to make it better or what ever. but to me it felt like he was saying it's not that big of a deal. like it wasn't a "real baby" he said something to that effect. Like at least you hadn't felt the baby kick yet. No I didn't I'm sure it can be worse the further along you are. however I was praying so hard the doctors were wrong. I would give anything to feel my baby kick. I know what that feels like, And I am a wonderful mother I would've done anything to keep my baby.

No I keep hearing what he said and how belittling it felt. Like I didn't have the right to grieve so much. Why can't people understand MY BABY DIED.

If you don't know what to say, instead of shoving your foot further down your mouth just say "Im sorry" or NOTHING!

I'm crying so hard writing this....I already felt cheated and now I feel like some people think don't have the right to be so upset. Like I should just "get over it".

Well, I can't. I can barely find the strength to get up and go to the bathroom or to put on a brave face for my daughter. Though I am so grateful to have her.....my heart breaks for the baby I will never hold. Never sing to. Never kiss softy and rock through the night.....

It's almost too much to bear

My heart is breaking for you dear one. Please know that your brother means well, he just doesn't get it! You need to have a place for her, perhaps a stone or plant a tree that will grow. You sound like a wonderful mother. :hug: Give yourself all the time you need to grieve and tell your brother that he isn't helpful.

i hear you and pray your loss be soothed in the arms of
an angel

someone who cares

I think you should sit down with (or call) your brother and tell him his response to your bad news puzzled and upset you. There is every good chance you totally misinterpreted his response or that it was not exactly what you needed or were expecting from him. You may have also caught him at a strange time with your news. But I would not carry this hurt any longer -- I would talk to him about it.

Hello songbird
 

I am so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Only time will help ease your ache. Know that your family here cares about you. There are not many words I could say other than I am sorry you lost your baby. ginnie:(

My heart is broken for you. I'm so sorry this happened. You have every right to feel the way you do. If I have learned one thing in this long life of mine, it is to not expect too much from other people when you are hurting like this. The more you expect, the harder the fall when they don't meet your expectations. You could talk to your brother about how you feel and how hurt his words were to you. I have a feeling he might understand if you talk to him about your pain. If you don't talk to him about it, you may never be able to fully forgive him for what he said.
We had a granddaughter die at three days old and my loving, sweet, uncle said "well, at least they didn't get that attached to her before she died". I couldn't believe my ears. You just never know what people will say when they don't know what to say!!! They just don't think it through.
You are in my prayers. I would imagine your fiance and daughter are going through some grief also. Let them in. Let them feel your pain. Sometimes it's good to share your feelings with the ones so close to you. That opens the door for them to grieve with you. May God give you strength and peace within your heart.
(I might tell you I am a Stephen Minister and was trained in spiritual counseling in grief). Feel free to vent to me any time you wish. Blossom25

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've spoken to you on the rsd site too and feel very bad for you. People who say your baby was not real because it not fully formed are wrong in my opinion. It was a real child in your womb, fully formed or not, and it passed away. Your baby was real and you should be able to grieve for it just as much as if you had lost a child who was born after 9 months. Loosing a child born or unborn is something you never forget or "get over" in my opinion. But as time goes on you do learn to go on for your other childs sake. It's hard, but if you don't, you will loose precious moments with the child you have. And time goes so fast. You don't want to look back with regret because you think you avoided the child you still have because of the pain you feel for your lost child. You can never get that time back. It doesn't mean you can't grieve for your lost child, but I believe that all unborn babies are safe in God's arms and that you will see them again someday. Until then, I would try to focus on the beautiful child you have and enjoy her before she grows up and is no longer home. And who knows, maybe you'll have another child. It can never replace the one you lost, nothing ever can, but maybe you could get pregnant again. I feel your pain and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you can find peace with your loss and joy with the child you still have. Take care.

I absolutely understand and empathise...and you are right, it doesn't matter the age of the baby. They are still our babies. I had a D&C at 3 months and he would have been 14 years old now. Please believe that there are people that completely understand that emptiness and the natural instinct we feel as soon as we know we are carrying...

I was told after mine that my body still carried on thinking it was pregnant and going through the post natal phase...is there anyone else to support you through this?

I so understand how you feel as a mum. Please believe that people care...strangers or not and you are in my thoughts. Really sending you supportive thoughts and care. No matter what people say, you need to grieve and that is your right... x

Hello Lottie
 

I am sorry your baby died. You have every right to grieve. You are in my prayers. xxxginnie