What if I can never teach again?
 

Hi Friends,

It's been almost nine months since my injury. I have a mild TBI. I have vestibular damage with balance issues, hypercusis, cognitive and memory issues, PTSD, the base of the skull pain (can't think of the name) and had a nerve block but its wearing off. PT migraines, nausea, major brain fatigue when over stimulated (I have to sleep), and I'm just not me.

With it being back to school time I am finding it hard to accept that I'm not going back. I love teaching, I was put on earth to be a mom and a teacher.

How do you know when you can go back. I've been saying I'm ready since a month after my accident. I haven't gained all self awareness back and I am starting to think I'm in denial about my injury. I miss working and being a productive member of society. I miss being me.

Is there anyone that sees their injury and abilities clearly? Sometimes I want to scream at everyone that I'm fine, especially days with little pain. In my mind I think if I don't feel pain then everything should be fixed. I should be healed.

I miss driving and ENJOYING being in public. I go but I don't like it. It's tiring to my brain. Everything is toooooooo loud. I wear earplugs...my ear canals hate me. I think they are going to choose to close up. I miss my independence and my memory.

I don't like to cook anymore. Directions are hard and I forget I'm cooking if I leave the kitchen or get distracted. Many burned items.

I also find that it's easier to type my thoughts than speak them. My speech slows andi search for words.

I am having Neuro testing soon and do cognitive and o.t. I will start physical t for my neck soon.

My thoughts are all over the place tonight.

I'm thankful for all of you. Other people don't really get what we go through. I used to be so much more than this.

Jace :confused:

I know-I'm a teacher, too. It's so hard getting my kids ready for the new year, and I know I'm on sick leave for another.

I don't have any words of wisdom, only that I'm mourning this loss and it's doubly hard as I'm not sure when or if I'll be back to teaching.

For now, this is the new normal.

The only thoughts that get me through are words I read somewhere..."All this and heaven, too."

I'm glad to be here.

It does get better
 

I am at 18 months pcs and truly find it had to believe that I still can't work.

I remember reading in one of the books that you have to respect your healing time. I think this is the hardest thing for me. I am an A type and a big planner. The unknown is hard to plan for.

Being single the isolation is difficult and although I have three teenagers at home it is not quite the same as adult company. I still don't drive and I miss having that freedom to just get in the car and drive somewhere. The car is a very different place for me.

I am improving and getting better and I will continue to progress, it is important to remember how much you have improved, it is easy to loose sight of this.

We have a lot of time to think and I feel lucky to be alive and to really look at what is important to me in life.

Mourning your old life is important but remember you are still bringing a very important aspect to your new reality....you!! with all your talents, passions and loves. You still have a lot to contribute and offer even if it is not what you are use to.

You will still be improving and you may go back to your old life and learn new tools to adapt to your health issues. There may be new opportunities available to you in teaching which will fit in better with your health situation.

I think fall is a time where we all naturally feel we get back to reality (school, work etc.) and it is very difficult when you feel you are being left behind.

Good luck and stay patient. I am very fortunate that I am surround by really good professionals who keep me pointing forward and looking at new possibilities.:hug:

Hang in there!
 

Oh boy, I am a teacher too,

but my injury was or must have been on the more mild side of mTbi. (What's mild about this condition anyhow?)

I am going to make a return to work and teaching this year. But that said, I will say I got the opportunity to transfer from middle school to elementary and I will not be running a big classroom like I have in the past. I don't know if I have all the energy for that now.

I had to mourn throwing out a lot of units I have done in the past, but I've let it go because I just have to.

At the 6 month mark, my energy is quite good. Even so, I still have hic cups with new learning, and really rapid speech is hard for me to comprehend. I will have to watch my return to work carefully and prayerfully so I don't OVERdo things and send me backwards.

Avoiding stress and reducing it is essential and I finally **get** what that means for me.

The difficult thing I find, like Norma said, is to respect your injury. I know it gets old not knowing when or if you will heal, but I do believe we are designed to heal as much as possible, and then we can live in recovery.

Keep a journal of your progress and what you CAN do.
Count your blessings.
Make a gratitude poster.
Do anything healthy to keep yourself positive.

I found a lot of comfort in the book Brain Lashed by Gail Denton.

Here's wishing you peace.

pm

I understand too, as another September comes along and I will not be teaching at my university. Feel very sad. But like you, I continually plan to return and am determined to teach one course in January. I am still healing and trying to remain optimistic.

It is so hard....and a very long journey. I hate it but it is not going away because I hate it.

The only thing I can say is that I have made a lot of progress in recent months in terms of being out in society....so there is hope!!
Hang in there and keep hold of your dreams.

Ladies :hug:,

Thanks for your ability to relate and your words of wisdom. I knew this would be a challenging month.

I go through phases where I cope better with how long this recovery takes. There are times when I think okay, I'm alive, I can handle how long it takes to make me whole.

Other times I look at how long it takes just to make a little progress and it's a very heavy feeling.

I look forward to mental clarity, regaining my short term memory, no headaches or migraines, my vestibular system working, reading, and being able to handle sound again.

I know that I might not get them all back , but I would be thankful for what does get better.

I hope I am able to teach again. I know I was put on this earth to be a mom and teach. I've been so blessed to do what I love for a career. I miss that environment (all that it involves) immensely.

Peace, Jace :o