Questions That Need to Be Answered
 

Hello all,

I've had as many as 18 concussions, most of them happened between my 16th and 20th birthdays. I'm now 22 and I have learned to deal with most of the symptoms that come with PCS, but I still have some lingering questions that are making me toss and turn in bed as of late.

One of the major effects of my PCS was an immediate personality change. It's difficult to describe because I didn't notice until two years later, but I simply was not the same person.

I lost a lot of friends and pushed a great relationship away.

Since then, I've taken a lot of time to rebuild and learn about this foreign personality that's grown on me. It's been an awkward and difficult two years that has brought about many introspective nights, but I've come to a point where I can say that I'm getting the hang of myself and to some extent parts of my old personality have grown back.

However, since I've gotten to that point, I've begun to look back at those years when my personality changed sharply and all of the interactions and points that brought me to where I am today.

Within the period of all of those concussions, I was dealt a major blow that I would likely not play soccer in college. I also was pretty irresponsible with school and work. Most of my friends went away to school, and I was left feeling regretful that I wasn't able to go away.

I'm confused as to whether it was those concussions, or the many issues I was dealing with internally that lead to me losing so many friends and a girlfriend I really cared for.

I've moved on, but I just want to know was it me, or was it concussion-me that lead to the end of all of those great relationships?

The multiple concussions were a likely cause of personality changes; you don’t describe those in detail but PCS symptoms can include irritability, disinhibition, depression and anxiety, any of which can be relationship breakers.

Another dynamic at play here is the age at which your injuries were sustained. Neuroscience studies have shown that the pre-frontal cortex, the area of the brain that processes emotion as well as executive functioning doesn’t fully develop until the late 20s. Your injuries could have interfered with the development of emotional processing, “derailing” normal personality development to a certain extent.

So your question above is really a philosophical question as much as a psychological or medical one. The post-concussion “me” is the new “me”. The question then becomes what comes next. It sounds as if you are “getting the hang” of the new “me”. That said if you are still struggling with some of the troublesome symptoms (irritability, disinhibition) that are interfering with a normal social life you may want to consider CBT or other type of counseling therapy to get the personality going back in the direction you want it to go.

Below is the link to the Brain Injury Association in NY. There may be support groups or other resources that may be useful for you.

Best to you.

http://www.bianys.org/

Well put, Lightrail.

Thanks for the help.

I didn't want to beat readers over the head with examples of my personality changes, but yeah I've had a lot of the issues listed above.

One of the most prevalent that I didn't realize until your post is my disinhibition. Since I turned 19, I've been told by many people that I don't have a social filter and have a knack for saying things at the wrong time. It's been very difficult to get a beat on when it's okay to say certain things.

Prior to my concussions, I knew my place and normally kept my mouth shut. It's only been until recently that I've elected to keep my mouth shut for most of the time I interact with people due to this difficulty. The funny thing about it however, is that I'm really good at getting a read on who a person is. Within minutes I'm able to pick up on a person's homelife, how many siblings they have, where they're originally from, if they're dating someone, if they had a difficult childhood, etc. I just find it interesting that I'm able to pick up all of this information willy-nilly, but when it comes to picking up social cues, I've suddenly and abruptly lost that ability.

Mully,

I suffered a severe concussion at 10 years old in the 4th grade. I just learned recently (5 or 6 years ago) about my personality change when my mom told my wife that she lost her sweet little boy. It helped me understand why I also lost all my friends.

Understanding social cues is often difficult for us. Now, I am even worse. We also tend to suffer from rigidity of thought. Others thinks it is a choice of stubbornness or arrogance but the brain just gets onto a train of though and does not waver.

The TBI Survival guide at www.tbiguide.com explains a lot of this.

We can learn to moderate our behaviors with mechanical like responses rather than more natural sensitivities. It helps to have someone willing to learn about mTBI personality issues who is willing to stand by us. They can redirect us when we need redirecting. We need to also make some very difficult gut checking decisions to be willing to let that person help us.

Please feel free to expose yourself. You are among good people who understand. Many here have not yet come to the same realization. You can be a good catalyst for change.

My best to you.

Thanks Mark.

I've learned how to moderate myself over the past year or so, but it's certainly been a difficult process. Now I just need to learn how to express myself beyond writing again.

However, now that I've gotten to a point where I'm comfortable with myself, most of my actions, my new friends, my new quirks, I've begun to question whether I'm totally responsible for my actions or were my concussions responsible.

It's a tough question to answer since for the past two years, I've gone to counseling to fix the issues that arose after my last concussion which I believed were because of poor stress management. Essentially, I blamed myself for my actions.

Although, now that I've gotten more insight into what many other members of the PCS community have suffered, I feel that I possibly might not be responsible for any of my actions.

Thanks again for listening.