Why does it have to hurt so bad?
 

Hi everyone, I have been suffering with depression for a very long time. I can remember way back in childhood years coming home from school and crying. Now over the past year or so my depression has gotten the worst that it has ever been. I am in counseling and see a psych. who just recently within the last 2 weeks put me on Welbutrin. At first I thought It was helping a little and then a couple of days ago I had a doctor's appointment about possible hormonal issues (I even had the results showing I had low female hormones) and she told me that I was dealing with psychological issues and that she wasn't sigmind freud to help me figure them out. So there went the help the Welbutrin I thought was giving me. I have been a complete mess the last two days after seeing her, not only because of what she said, but also that i have been in such a dark place for the last year and I feel utterly alone. I can't hold down employment, I can barely leave the house, I cry daily, and the friends I thought I had never contact me, even after I make the hour trip to go down and visit them. Does anyone ever get racing thoughts at night about past events, or what they're going to do in the future if this never goes away? I have been getting these thoughts nightly for the last year. I also get the suicidal thoughts as well, not that I would ever act on them but they are just always there. I was diagnosed just recently with clinical depression, has anyone had any luck with the right medication to get out of this state of mind? I can't say my counselor is much help either, somedays she tells me to just go out and do it all, the next day she asks me if I can even drive? No cognitive therapy or any approach to help get rid of these negative thoughts, her response to everything is just go do it (get a job, go to school, ect...)..Anyway sorry I babbled on for so long, sometimes I just need to vent to anyone that would listen...Thanks for your time:(

Hi lynny31,

First, I'm going to send you big hugs...:grouphug:

Please don't apologize for anything, we all need to vent, to be able to talk and have people truly listen.

I could have written your post, I understand completely. I've been to Dr's who said just get on with it, pull your socks up...well, if it were that easy and we could, we'd do it!
When I was younger I'd take it all to heart, cry all the way home and it would bother and upset me for days and days.

That Dr. you saw should never say such things to you, shame on him/her. If you can, definitely change Dr's, this your health we're talking about and you deserve the best and to be treated with compassion.

If I see a Dr. who makes some snarky remark, I'm out of there and I seek another one, this is your life.

I have suffered from major dperession since about age 18, a nightmare...years have been spent trying to find the right anti depressant, staying stable, going in to horrendous depressions...fighting my way out...on and on.

This is just my opinion so of course not gospel but it night help a little.

I've also felt so alone it hurts, couldn't keep a job, didn't go out for weeks, would go home from school and cry in my room.....(many years ago!!) I have to think I deserve a happy life and by God I'm going to fight!!

First things first and you need to be under the care of a good Dr. I know it's hard but don't put up with anyone you don't feel comfortable with and who you don't have faith in, again, you deserve the best. I know how one dumb comment can put you in a downward spiral.

Therapy can help, being around positive people, I think we all know that but you have to look after yourself first, I know the feeling of going over and over thoughts, it can be part of the depression, on those days I try to relax and even if it's being quiet and reading a book that's okay, take a nice bath, maybe it sounds silly but I often tell myself, it's okay, you're not well right now and it's going to take time. I feel as though I've been to hell and back a few times.

Honestly, I won't bore you to death but I could tell you so many stories but this is not about me, I just want you to know I get it, I totally know how you feel.

Get to a good Dr. it may take time but keep fighting for that, it can make all the difference.

You need someone to listen, everyone does, please let us know you are ok?

Many, many hugs...:grouphug:

What helps you at your low point?
 

Hi dagma1,
Thank you for your response. It certainly is a sweet sorrow in the aspect of knowing other people go through the same issues. I would hate for people to go through such a bad depression, but on the other hand I don't feel like I am the only one either. If I could possibly ask you what medication helped you when you were at your lowest point? I have been on plethora of meds that would help for a little awhile and then the effects would go away. So not only do I deal with the depression itself but I also deal with the depression of finding a good medication and then it pooping out on me....I have been on Wellbutrin now for a little over 3 weeks and see absolutely no improvement.

It hurts me along with my whole family. They just want to see me get better and be self-sufficient. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to do that as well. It is very weird though, I had some trauma a few years ago and ever since then I haven't been ok. I can't sleep, even though I am exhausted beyond belief. It's like my brain just won't allow me to get there and when I do, I get the racing thoughts. I wake up everyday lightheaded and in this dazed state. I have absolutely no energy to do anything even though everyone tells me to exercise. In the past I used to run 4 miles a day (2years)ago. I could also hold down employment and go to college awhile ago like 5 or more years. If I can ask what has helped others get out of this state? Is it just eating healthier, exercising, trying to get to bed a decent hour? Anyway thanks for the support I hope someday I will be well enough to help others on here with their depressive episodes!

Depression is never an easy thing to deal with.

Medication can and does help, it can take a long time to find the right ones though. CBT can be quite good for depression as well as just general therapy.

The really important thing is to remember to never to give up hope, and however bleak things get to do your best to remain positive. Which I know is a lot easier said than done.

Massive hugs :hug:

Phreak

Hello lynny31 :)
 

Thank you everyone for commenting. To answer the question about whether I take anything for sleep I do. I have been taking klonapin .5mg and occasionally 1mg. for a little over a year now. That is the strangest thing about this whole thing though. I have never had a problem sleeping until about a year ago. I experienced a miscarriage, then had a D&C procedure done, followed by numerous infections and long time spans of antibiotics. Shortly after that episode I began not feeling right. That's when everything went downhill. It's like my brain just won't let me fall asleep and then comes the racing thoughts, sometimes they make sense and sometimes they don't. Prior to this whole fiasco I was working, taking classes online with all A's, and just feeling generally well, still had some depression and anxiety issues, but nothing like what I am dealing with now. I am relentlessly trying to figure this out, I actually scheduled an appointment for a hollistic psychiatrist who deals with the body/mind connection. Maybe she could provide some insight as to why I am having these more intense symptoms. I am trying to keep my chin up though and exercising as much as I can and trying to eat healthier too. I really do appreciate everyone on here who has provided so much support!!!!! It is nice to know that there are people out there who really care about others and what they are going through! Thanks again:grouphug:

Hi Lynny
 

I am sending that hug too. I am sorry the depression is bad. This is the right place to be when you need help and understanding.
I do know that distraction, even for a few minutes helps. If I find myself going down that path, I make myself do something, anything, to take my mind off my problems. This method has helped me. Even if it is some small project, clean out a dresser, go through a closet, any activity at all, helps those black moods.
I hope you have support with friends. I am here to listen anytime. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ginnie:grouphug:

Hi Lynny,

Hope you are ok today.

I take Wellbutrin which has been a life saver, literally. My Dr. just almost doubled the dose though as after a bad concussion I became extremely ill.

I know very well the not being able to sleep, sleep as you know is so important, everything seems worse if we don't get enough.

I read when I go to bed until I'm almost asleep. As ginnie suggests, even doing something small can help and keep your mind on something else.

Seeing a holistic psychiatrist is good. Try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself, you're not feeling well right now so it's time to take care of you. Keep eating healthy, (very important) I have had to force myself to go for a walk but always feel better afterwards, mind you I have sobbed at the top of hills but kept going.

I so hope the holistic psychiatrist will be able to help, big hugs...:grouphug:

Thanks again everyone! I do find Dagma1 that reading before trying to go to sleep does help. I am feeling a little better today than a few days ago. I am trying to incorporate more exercising and also trying not to put so much pressure on myself. I am hoping in time I will get back to a more stable place and be able to go on with my life. This forum has definately helped me these last few days get through some tough times....:grouphug:

How are you doing lynny31 ?