Having a social life
 

I was just wondering if anyone else has trouble having a social life and meeting people. I'm not sure if its me or the disease or a combination, but lately I've just been feeling extra lonely thinking about the friendships I let drift away and the bridges I've burned.

I had two groups of friends in college. One group of us I was close with and we actually lived in the same apartment/building/dorm for several years. One group that I wasn't as close with. I kind of drifted apart from the second group as I got sick. The first group and I had a misunderstanding when I decided I wanted my own apartment rather than living with noise 24/7. I didn't intentionally break my friendship with them, but by the time that bridge was burning, I watch it burn with glee. Every now and then I wonder whatever happened to a girl I was friendly with and had originally dated one of my dorm mates, but otherwise I don't give them a second thought. And I had the other group of friends back then, too.

The group of friends I had in high school has been weighing on my mind a lot though, since we were all really close. I never really had many friends in my grade growing up. I was bullied a lot in grade school. By the time I reach high school nobody messed with me because I'd worked out a system of mutually assured destruction. If someone tried to bully me, I'd start a fight and we'd both end up suspended. Luckily it never got that far, a few black eyes and nobody tried bothering me again. Then again, start fights doesn't win you friends.

I did make some close friends in the class under mine, though. Even though I was a grade older than my high school friends, I don't think many of them realized I was two years older until I could buy liquor (by which point we were all in college, but I was 21 and they were 19). For the most part, I'd refuse...but there were a couple people I was close to and trusted. If they wanted a 5th, I wouldn't say no (I was stupid and 21). One of those people (a girl I fancied, no less) managed to extort much more than one bottle from me. She was also kind of my link with a lot of the group. I don't think the rest of the group ever knew the full story (or where the liquor they were drinking came from) but my reaction to the incident was to hell with the lot of you. Irregardless of to the law, I didn't need anyone's death on my conscious. I had already lost a friend to drunk driving.

I don't think I really meant to break ties permanently, in fact I did see them some after that where we used to meet weekly. But being betrayed by someone close to you is probably one of the worst feelings are is. And the girl in question invited me to a party with her a year or two later, which I think was her way of apologizing, but that didn't turn out so well since there were enough hard drugs floating around that if the cops had shown up for a noise violation, I'd probably still be seeing the inside of a jail cell. I politely excused myself after about a half hour.

Then I got real sick with MG and SPS, was misdiagnosed, almost died in surgery and just generally had other things to worry about. Now I just go to work and take classes to try and get a better job and fill the void where I should have a social life. I'm not really sure how to move forward from here. Do I find out what happened to my old friends a decade later? I have no clue how to make new friends.

I was actually invited block parties through a neighbor of someone I met at work, only they lived over an hour away. My parents talked me out of getting back in touch with them as they said I need to find friends closer. In hindsight, friends an hour away are better than no friends at all.

I have a lot to do and need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I just thought getting this down might help me focus more on the task at hand.

Sorry you are lonely. I always had difficulty making friends but did have some good ones even though I was painfully shy. Moving around a lot does not make for a lot of long relationships, either.
I probably would have done the same thing as you when friends were doing illegal stuff. Sounds like they were using you.
Having a life altering disease does kind of socially isolate a person. It's hard to make any plans because you can't tell if you will be able to keep them.
I probably talk to more people since I have been sick, than I did before, but most of them have to do with some branch if medical care.
You are doing the right thing by continuing your education. Maybe you will meet some nice people through that.
Best of luck.

Some old friendships are most likely best left alone. If you really would like to touch base with them, try to find them on facebook. They would probably be glad to hear from you.

You should get involved in some kind of hobby group and try to make new friends.

I was having problems with facebook for the longest time. They somehow duplicated my account, but only put a few of my contacts in. When I finally got through to them they sent me three names from my contact list and said to have them verify my ID.

I was like, its been almost 10 years and you want me to call these people out of the blue, I thought that's the service you provide...

I did notice earlier this evening that they've since unlocked the full contact list to the public. Not exactly the solution I was hoping for, but I guess I can add them now from the account I was locked out of.

I do agree that I need to move forward with my life, but it would be nice to catch up with some people. I need to figure out how to meet new people, though and if there's groups or anything that I can join. I've looked but haven't been successful so far.

As far as being used by people, you are right about two people in particular and I needed to remove myself from that situation, as painful as it was to do. This long afterward I'm not holding a grudge...just wish things could have turned out differently.

I think the reason I'm re-examining where I am in life is that I found out I'm probably going to need my third major operation in about 4 years. So I'm looking at whats going on with me, and seeing other people getting to move on with their lives, while I seem to be stuck in this limbo of health issues that remind me of wack-a-mole. I think the reason I can't sleep tonight is that the reality of the situation is sinking in...which is really bad timing since I have two projects due today and could have used the sleep.

Backward Pawn,

First of all you are obviously stressing about your situation and that is the very last thing that you can do. I know from experience that when I start stressing and getting upset about something the MG really kicks in. Recently I have experienced that stress with the family and Thanksgiving dinners. My family sometimes makes a big deal over who is going to have the dinner and I end up hearing both sides and feel stressed as to who to go with. Seems that no one (i.e. my brother and sister) can all get together because of their extended framilies.

I've never had a lot of friends. In high school there was a group of us that did things together but after we graduated it wasn't long before we all went our different ways. Today the only person I keep in touch with from that era is a friend from my church. We didn't go to school together but my mother always made sure we could get together to play, etc. Other than that I have had two friends as an adult that I have been close to, however after my illness they have slowly distanced themselves. I guess because I can't drive or get around as I once did, I can't meet them for lunch or shopping or festivals anymore. Friends in my life seem to come and go. You meet at work and get along but as soon as the work situation changes you don't have much else in common. I do have three friends that I have meet through work and we keep in touch by email because they have moved out of state.

There are MG groups in various towns where you could meet people with common issues maybe you can look into that. As I said before, please don't stress yourself about this because the results will be much worse than not having friends. In time I'm sure you will find a path to meet people.

Good luck,
Southern Bell
:grouphug:

Most churches and hospitals have a support group & meetings for the chronically ill. It would be a good opportunity to meet new people in similar situation. I too fell isolated and lonely but that is on a good day. Most days I am too tired to think about it or have the energy to do anything about it. The last several months, the extreme fatigue is taking a toll and I am sleeping more than I am awake.

kathie

I know what you mean. The stabbing 10/10 pain in my shoulder today is making me wonder why I cared so much about human contact yesterday. Today all I want is a morphine push and my homework to do itself so I can lay down. Sadly, I don't think I'll get either wish.

Churches or other religious groups are very likely to have activities that you could get involved with that would help you meet people that are your age. You could also try to find out if anyone around you had some kind of class such as arts and crafts or other things of interest that you could get involved with.

I find it difficult enough for current friends to appreciate MG so I would hesitate going back to old friendships. Perhaps they are in the past for a reason. I agree w the other posters that a support group is a great place to meet new friends and friends that can empathize w your situation!

I know it is tempting for anyone w a chronic illness to feel badly for themselves. I constantly remind myself that it could be worse! I know it could be better too but stay strong and make every day the best you can! We are all in this together and we have your back!:grouphug:

Hi Pawn
 

I think this is an issue, no matter what your age is. If you have a medical problem, that causes you to be different, walk different, look different, folks have a hard time getting past that to know you. I wear a hat, I have for years, I have no hair. People are visual, and men are in particular. I try to break the ice by laughter, or saying hello out of the blue and surprising a person. Just do the best you can do with friends. If they truly are a friend, they won't mind the medical issues you have. I know how serious MG can be. Empathy is what is needed to break the ice. I wish you all the best, and a good holiday. ginnie:grouphug::hug: