Suicidal thoughts...
 

I know I am supposed to convince myself that I can still enjoy life and do important things - but every day is too much of a struggle.

It has been over 2 years and, despite plenty of rest and time off work, I'm not improving at all.

I really don't want to end it but I cannot keep going either. What's the point? I wake up, feel like crap, work, feel worse, go home, sleep, repeat. And for years!

My family and friends have stopped asking how I am - which is fine and I don't blame them for trying to move on. I've also seen every specialist under the sun but to no avail.

So I am starting to plan which is worrying.

I guess I'm looking for some inspiration or hope that things will get better but I just can't see that happening.

Good morning Halfnelson :)
 

Halfnelson,

What have you done to develop a lifestyle that accommodates your current condition ?

We can have a life with PCS limits. I have lived with severe PCS for 14 years.

Also, see a doctor. There are great meds to help you with your ideations. I have been there and successfully treated.

Halfnelson,

If your feeling this way, speak to a Dr as Mark said, there are meds out there to help. Cymbalta really helped both my mood and my pain for example, my life would be very different without it.

Yes, get help!
 

Hello!

Check out the stickies for things you can do to try and help yourself.

Please seek medical advice and or therapy too. You need to talk to someone who may give you some options.

There is a lot of support here. Keep asking questions and people will weigh in to try and give you direction.

Take care,

pm

Halfnelson,
think you are in another country? My daughter's symptoms are going on 2.5 yrs…with many disappointments in-between.

1. medication has helped--it takes awhile to find the right meds and dosage.

2. acupuncture--helped with headaches and more,

3. stand up paddle boarding-- just getting on the board land not going very far but balancing was helpful. note that she could not get through vestibular or eye therapy due to feeling nausea,but she could stand up on a paddle board.

4. prism glasses to act as a crutch when she reads--she still cannot comprehend but she can read simple fiction books now.

We just got her hormones checked but the results have not come back. I just want to say that she is still getting better. There have been times when she went backwards or plateaued.

keep talking --we're here,

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I live in South Australia.

Since my symptoms are aggravated by physical and cognitive exertion I have cut strenuous exercise (I walk only) and tried to limit work. This has proven mostly ineffective as my symptoms are easily re-aggravated by any form of exertion and I do not seem to be improving or developing a tolerance over time.

So the next step is to cease work entirely. I work in a stressful office.

I do smoke occasionally which may also worsen symptoms as, beyond the obvious adverse health effects, smoking increases heart rate and blood pressure. Does this seem logical?

I have seen a neurologist, neuro-opthalmologist, neuropsychologist, neuropsychiatrist, and undergone a variety of assessments.

Whilst MRI and other scans are normal the neuropsychologist believes I have sustained frontal and parietal lobe damage. This causes difficulties with language, problem solving, planning and organising, and overall slowed thinking.

The neuropsychologist and another doctor suspect trigeminal neuralgia.

The neuro-ophthalmologist also found damage to my vestibular system (left beating nystagmus).

I have tried a few anti-depressants and, whilst they made me 'feel' ok, I did not like the feeling or side-effects and my cognitive symptoms did not improve. So I slowly tapered off the medication.

I feel as though I have reached a dead-end with ceasing my job being the only option remaining... It is really difficult to bear.

Halfnelson

Hello halfnelson
 

I am sorry you have TBI. Has any treatment worked at all? No improvement in 2 years?
Have you tried a Physiatrist?. This type of doctor treats the whole person and can think outside the box.
Never lose hope. we will be here for you on NT. Find one small thing a day, that brings joy. Even if it is just the smile of a child. When I get those moods, I force myself into some kind of action. I watch something funny like I did last night with Carole Burnetts special. I did laugh which they say is good for healing.
I believe, that changing your thoughts, can change the chemicals in the brain. If you switch thoughts, right when you get a bad idea, it helps. It is hard to do at first, but with practice, you can change your thinking. I went for council for a time, and this was one practice, that turned my blue moods around. Look at Art, hear a good song, talk with a friend, have a sip of something you like, or a meal that you enjoy. Recognize the tiny good there is in small things, and the bigger things will come along. I don't have TBI, but depression followed me around for years. I hope you do heal and get back some of what was lost. The brain can do so much we don't know about yet. I believe it can indeed heal itself. Change the chemical balance, and maybe the TBI and depression will get better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ginnie:grouphug::hug:

There is always the hope of improvement , although its very slow and hard to notice. The thought of how it will affect those around me keeps me from being self destructive. Modifying your work and hours may help if your able to switch. Stress is not helpful and although you dont like the side effects of medications , they do help.

Hang in there - many of us have been there, including me. Symptoms can come and go, and sometimes mine abate for a while or seem to resolve entirely... only to come back later. I've learned to take it in stride and work around them. It's just part of who I am - there's a whole lot more to discover and explore.

Don't give up. You never really know what tomorrow will bring.

Best of luck to you. And enjoy your summer, as we descend into winter, here up north :)