Not sure where to start
 

I am hoping for some insight...My father-in-law is 92.I blame a lot on his age,but some of it I just do not understand..He lost his wife almost 3 years ago..I have known him for 5 years..He is woman crazy..He is always looking for a woman..Even when my mother-in-law was alive he was always goo goo for women..Which I found disrespectful..He never acted like he was very greatful for her..She was very upset with him,on the way he acted..He is very forgetful,,and loves to be negative about everything and everybody....Still drives,and is very well, except a rash he cannot get rid of.. by the way I feel he should not be driving too..He repeats the same stories about women all the time..Made up lies about me,and had to tell everyone..He is a Christian,but I believe he forgets how a Christian acts...I have to stay away from him as much as possible..I get so mad at him..He is never greatful for anything we do for him..We live on a farm,we live above him,so we take the most care of him..Anyway do you think he has a illness or is he just a Jack___....thanks..
I also should say the only important things going on is him and his stories..if you try to be nice,he says you are sucking up..I am at witts end with him..My husband thinks he has lost his mind.

Hi Moosey
 

If your father in law, has always been this way, I would say it is part of his personality. If his lusty speeches have increased dramatically, it would be best to speak with his physician. People sometimes change when they get older, and maybe remember themselves in a much more youthful way. I hope some peace can be restored to the house. ginnie:hug::grouphug:

He does act like a teenager...So you really think that's just his way??? We been saying maybe he is ill....thank you

Hi moosy
 

I think sometimes when people age, they think of themselves as younger. Think about how he was all his life, and look at the changes through those eyes. Some get stubborn and mean. Keep a journal of behaviors that you think might be over the top and show it to his doctor. I wish you all the best. ginnie

great idea thanks

father-in-law
 

:(He is worse..to the point where I have to stay away from him..he is so negative that it upsets me..I have RSD and he puts me over the top.My BP was going nutts.I still feel he has something wrong besides age..He acts like a stud muffin..He is 92 and wants to find women to marry.He says he has girlfriends,but the truth he scared them all away.he is so negative ,and too fast ,,We take care of him the most my Dear Husband gets his mail,takes it in or out,gets news paper for him too.Cleans out the snow etc..No thank you,no praise,,just his daughters are so good to him..This really hurts my husband.I was making meals and things but all he wants to do is run me down..He is very forgetful,repeats often,talks to himself a lot.This man drives me crazy..Thanks just needed to vent..He makes everyone think the worst of my Husband and I..I am so tired of this.Gossips about everyone and everything.I want to confront him,but my husband says don't..My thoughts are I do not have anything to lose..I just hate sitting back listening to all the lies and negative comments..

Hi moosey
 

If he is so negative it is making you upset, it is time for husband to contact his doctors. My mother was difficult, so I have great empathy for you. Any time a family member has issues that effect all the others, I sure would vote to get the medical community involved. ginnie:grouphug::hug:

Hey moosey2me
 

What types of meds does he take ? I've had to put my 82 year old mother on valium. She just moved into an addition she built onto our home and this is our first week together......she has always been a negative person but was able to cover it up for years.....I am successful in turning her conversations in another direction but it is very exhausting. She continually talks about her meds...when she is suppose to take them....did she take them and so on.....on and on and on. I try to tell her we've already talked about it but that doesn't work either.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. At least my mother does not verbally attack anyone nor does she gossip. I ask the Good Lord daily for the wisdom and strength to help her out.

Getting him to his doctor is probably the best advise I can give you.

Please keep us posted and vent anytime you want to...we're here :hug:

Debi from Georgia

greatful
 

My husband will not hear of it..Getting doctors,because his brother and sisters will not back him..Get this he still drives too.Which is wrong..its like no one dares to stand up to him.I would,but my husband says stay away from him..He thinks he is always right.Talks about woman all the time.We all are tired of it..If I by chance run into him,I made up my mind,If I hear bads things again,I am going to ask him,if he is still a Christian,because the way he talks is terrible.I pray everyday all this bad behavior and negativety will stop and the good Lord will touch him..All the family just sits back and listens to him..I just can't ...When my dear mother-in-law was alive ,which past away 3 years ago this coming may,,he treated her terrible..downing her about her weight,always talking about woman and photos..She would get so upset by this.she would tell him stop,and he would be right back at it again the next day..God Bless Her..thank you so much for your words and kindness..This man makes my rsd flair..

Hi
 

If you can't take his behavior, leave the room and just don't talk to him or listen. Get him to the doctor. If your family doesn't support this, walk away, and just ignore him. go to another room, leave the house. He will get the point if no one listens. He should not drive in his mental state. He doesn't sound stable enough to..just my opinion. If he is like this in public he would be considered to be" not stable." I don't know if his Christian background would help at this point. I really do think his doctor should be involved. I am so sorry you have a difficult family member. I had issues with my mother that were hard to put up with as well, so I do understand. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. ginnie

Ginnie,thank you..I know you are right.He is unstable.i spoke to my husband about this again..he said no one in the family will support that..I told him I will not put up with this behavior any more.What do I have to lose.I want to report him to DMV..before something bad happens.I feel he has lost his mind.He cannot remember if he spoke to anyone that day.He writes it down and has to look it up.He is crazy about woman..When he was in the hospital about 3 months ago these so called nurses,lead him to believe that they wanted him..they kissed him...then one of them gave there phone number to him..one of them were in there 30s and the other in there 60s..all he talks about how they want him.THey wanted more than a really nice kiss..And so does he..I think I should report these nurses....he is out of control.he has nothing good to say about my husband or I...but then all bees and honey to our faces..makes me so mad...thanks for letting me vent..

Hi moosey
 

Vent all you need to. My mom as I said was most difficult. As far as the driving goes, if he is a danger report him. My mom took out a center post in her driveway, her right mirror, backed into another car, and dented forward on her garage door. Well I did indeed report her. She was definitely a danger, to herself and to others. She failed the tests. That is what they make the older folks do if they are reported. I studied the book with mom, but I knew she would never pass the driving. Heck I am an older folk! If my driving ever goes down, I have told my son to take away my key!
If your family will not support medical intervention, it is ok to back away from the situation. You do not have to be around it. I would also be annoyed with all the girly talk. Good grief, he is in his nineties...he must think he is still young! Let your hubby deal with it. You stay home read a book, watch a movie. Family members can be told the truth. If he is offensive, bow out, maybe the rest of the family will figure out in time that he needs help.
Not an easy situation, I know... wish I could tell you some magic thing to help. I only know I would not want to be around that behavior myself for very long. A little would go a long way. keep in touch, keep venting, I will listen. ginnie:grouphug:

He reminds me of a teenager..My hubby stays away too.Its hard though because he lives downstairs from us..My hubby owns the farm..He is so rude.He blairs the tv and radio when ever he feels like it..We can hear it very well..He speaks on his phone a lot and we can hear that too..Its not easy..I turn things on to tune him out..I was in tears thursday,I have RSD and my pain level was terrible,and I went to lie down,and he had the tv soo loud I turned my tv up so loud so could not stand it..he finially turned his down...feel like I am dealing with a kid..I guess the part that bothers me the most is he talks to everyone he can,and tells them how terrible I am,and I told him one day that I am tired of it,and if he wants to ask me about my past ask..I am tired of the lies..Grant you no one is perfect,but I am not and did not do what he tells...I told him we need to get along better..Hugged him and he said you are right ..than one day later on the speaker phone running me down again.so I was madder than before..I have prayed several times for the Lords help,and He led me back to kindness,but the 3rd time is enough..Its funny my doctor even told me stay away from him because it was making my illness worse,plus BP out of control..145/103....now on bp meds..
So sorry about your Mom too..Its hard..But I guess we were never easy either growing up..lol..thank you so much..hope you are doing better too..does she act her age?If you could tell me alittle bit ,it would be great..is your dad gone?My mothere-in-law died 3 years ago this may..my parents are both gone..my dad when he was 48..in 1993..my mom 65 in 2009..it is really hard being without them..no grandparents either..have a good night..God Bless You..:hug:

Hi Moosy
 

The situation is extra hard, as he is in your home. Hard to tune that out. I think he needs his hearing checked. Most likely the TV is turned up because he can't hear. If it gets annoying, pull the plug, or the breaker to turn it off. If he acts like a child, treat him as if he were. There should be consequences for poor behavior or rudeness. Being old is no excuse for being mean or rude. Not acceptable. I still think the doctor should be involved in this.

My mom died a number of years ago. Yes she was very, very hard to manage. I took care of both my folks as they declined and passed away. I tried very hard with my mother. I attended seminars for care-giving to help me cope with my mom. When she was terminal, Hospice had a program for families for those in that roll. Best thing I ever did. Your library or Senior center near your home should have this kind of help. Sometimes bringing another "Brain" into the situation may provide some help. Look into it if you can.
Being a caregiver to someone that is difficult may demand of you more than you can tolerate. Having CRPS is awful in itself. Also if this is effecting your BP, that isn't so good. That stress level needs to come down for the sake of your own health. High BP makes the CRPS worse. Try to get some council as you really do have a problem that causes stress and tears in your home. There is no shame in asking for help just for yourself, so that you can deal with it better. Sometimes we can't change another person. We can only change how we react to them. Do all you can do to lower the stress OK? Let me know if you find some agency that can help. Keep in touch and let me know how it goes. I wish your family would be more supportive of the whole situation. Husband should recognize this as being a problem. It can hurt a relationship too if things get out of control. You two need to stay close and communicate even more, while you deal with your F-in-law. Keep praying, and I will too. ginnie

Thank you.Sorry it took me awhile to reply.With everything going on lately I have to try to get in the mood to write.My pain takes over .I have spoken to my husband more about his dad..He says just stay away from him..He wonders what his sister thinks..so I told him on Tuesday when she goes down stairs to see pa,he should speak to her alone..thank you for all your help..its all takenin..sorry about your loss and your hard struggle you had to be in..:hug:

Hi moosy,
 

Hope things turn out better for you. You are doing the best you can. Write whenever you feel the need to. Keep on top of your own health, and take care of "you".
I am praying for your family daily. I am here to listen anytime. ginnie:grouphug: