Marriage and family?
 

Just looking for some clarity, because I stopped being able to trust my own processing. I'm a 40-year-old male married with four kids. I have a long history of severe concussions from college football and the Marines.
Over the past 20 years, and especially the last 10 my wife and I have noticed in marked increase in my moodiness, headaches, aggressiveness, and a decrease in my processing, memory, and cognitive function. It's gotten to where it seems that I don't accurately understand reality around me, or the way I'm behaving.

It's causing the great rift in my marriage. My wife struggles with the instability and especially the moodiness. And I feel like I'm going crazy because I can't seem to control it and I know that I'm not firing on all cylinders.
I've been through extensive counseling, testing, and I'm still working through supplements and meds but the decline seems steady and hopeless.
The bottom line is that my wife is trying to decide whether she can handle staying in the marriage. I can't blame her because I can't imagine what it's like living with me, but as you can imagine this is heartbreaking.
We have four boys 10 and under. Our desire a better life for them then a dad who is so unpredictable and his behavior, but I can't imagine not being around them.

I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or examples of marriages that were able to survive this.

I moved your thread from our PTSD forum to our TBI/PCS forum since you mention a long history of severe concussions.
You could have some PTSD also, but this forum is generally quite active and you should get many replies.

I'm not sure what you did in the Marines exactly, but the Defense Center of Excellence has been discovering that after one of our servicemen has sustained at least one concussion, they can develop something called neuroendocrine dysfunction or NED.

There is a lot of new evidence that ongoing problems caused by a concussion may be caused by hormonal imbalances due to damage done to the pituitary gland or hypothalamus.

Having more concussions just increases your chances of having these hormonal imbalances.

It's truly the latest research and not all the Dr.'s even know about it yet but it has a very good prognosis with treatment.

Please go see an endocrinologist to get your hormones tested. Or ask your primary care physician to test them for you.

Because of this latest research, I was able to figure out why I was doing so poorly after sustaining a concussion from an auto accident that wasn't my fault. I found a specialist who treats this sort of thing. He ordered some tests and they proved that this is what I was suffering from. I am now on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and I'm doing significantly better than I was before I started the HRT.

The HRT has helped my moods, my speech, my cognitive functioning, my memory and my physical ability as well. It's really helped me across the board so far.

It can actually take years to develop NED and even years more to get severe. The pituitary gland is a strange little organ and it's in a delicate little spot inside the skull.



http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...ne-deficiency/

http://w.jwci.org/uploadedFiles/Home...ituitarism.pdf

http://www.dcoe.mil/content/Navigati...ing_Slides.pdf

http://www.tbi-research.org/neurotrauma09kreber.pdf



You will need to get these hormone levels tested:


» 0800 Cortisol levels (<12 mcg/dl, recommend follow up)
» IGF — 1 Insulin–like Growth Factor (anything less than 200 ng/ml needs stimulation testing, people after sustaining mtbi can have "normal" IGF-1 levels and still be growth hormone deficient)
» TSH — Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
» FT4 — Free Thyroxine
» LH — Luteinizing Hormone
» Testosterone (males only)
» FSH — Follicle Stimulating Hormone
» Estradiol (females only)



If you are suffering from hormonal imbalances, after being diagnosed which takes testing and then more testing, it can take upwards of a year for your hormones to be balances back into normal range with the treatment/supplements. But it's totally worth it!!

If the first Dr. doesn't believe you, doesn't know about this sort of thing, or refuses to do any testing go find one who will. I was turned away by 3 endocrinologists and I was told by an neurologist that damage done to the pituitary gland from a head injury is "impossible". I persevered and I'm going to enjoy my life now because I did.

Much luck!!

Badway,

I understand your struggle. I was becoming a problem after a concussion in 1999. Eventually, my wife and I changed the dynamics of our marriage where I gave in to letting her take the lead during stressful events.

Working to change the stress level in your home should help. The boys can participate by lowering their energy levels when the circumstances suggest it.

Between visual and auditory stimulation and the busyness of a home with 4 young boys, you have a high risk for over-stimulation. Reducing this should be your priority.

The hormone analysis would also be very helpful. You likely are overly adrenaline prone. Finding the right endocrinologist will be a big help. You may be able to find a good one with this link, https://www.womensinternational.com/..._referral.html

What meds have the doctors tried ?

I agree with Mark in that you will need to communicate openly and honestly with your wife and children about your condition.

I am in the 19th month mark since being rear ended in a car accident (and now with pcs), and in my marriage I have given my children and husband permission to help me monitor myself.

They say "filter" - if I am talking too openly, honestly or inappropriately for my 13, 10 or 5 year olds, or "too much" if I am reacting out of proportion to the situation (anger, sadness, panic, etc.). I also take time outs or a quick walk to help adjust.

You may need to come up with your own words and process of what to do so that your family can tell you when they need you to back away, take a time out or give them some space. You also have to give them permission to say this without getting defensive. We may feel more comfortable with our feelings than they are-and we need to allow them to react.

I think that although I do count on my family to help me, I also try to check in weekly about how things are going so we can talk openly about the changing nature of our family.

I'm sorry you and your family are stressed. I think the only thing that can help marriages and families survive the trauma and aftermath of brain injury is to be as supportive and honest and caring with one another as possible.

I wish you the best-

Badway,

All of these are great input.

If you haven't, I would suggest you also, Get Veteran Support.

Your injury, PTSD, all combine for much more troubles... as you have noted.

Best wishes, good luck.... :grouphug: