Focus on Blessings 3
 

Nearing the close of Focus on Blessings 2,
it is good to reflect on the reason we ponder
that which has come blessedly into our lives
for a moment
just a flicker
even a blink of an eye
or,
maybe,
just maybe,
far longer....into days, weeks, or more.....
Blessings - the phenomena of feeling in the moment
better for having experienced
fulfilled for having known
joyful just because
perhaps at peace
and
maybe God was behind it all
maybe another whom you know had a part
maybe family created joy, co-workers kudos, a passer-by smiled
then
you knew you had been blessed
I feel it
so very often
and it is infectious
seeming viral in the ability
to grasp ahold of others and take them unawares
into fields of flowers of gratitude fed by gentle raindrops of nurture
and it is impossible to avoid the heartwarming peace which overwhelms
for THIS is blessing.

I feel blessed YOU chose to read this today.
I feel blessed we are allowed to share openly in this place.
I feel blessed care is abundant, whether medical, familial, friend or labor
there is blessing in all of it.

Open your heart and experience the feeling of Blessing.
Come.
Read.
Lurk.
Write.
Share.
Know what blessing is because You walked the earth and related to others.
Cool, isn't it?

mark56 :grouphug:

But for this place
 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

Dear Father
Blessings are to see
and watch carefully your
Grandchild still be happy
Even though mom struggles
All I can do dear Father is pray
and can see that life isn't fair
However we see the tunnel
The road
The ride
In the moment
When you are filled
With awesome God
Is the Great I Am
Seek and you will find
The Great I Am
In constant work
I
Blessed to have been
appointed the duty of
Motherhood

Blessed to have been a
Influence to the children
I raised from birth
From a woman I do not
understand no more stress
There
My baby having to take charge
and see the bigger pictures
That God has a purpose for
her birth
I am appointed the job
the hardest job in the world
To raise my children
The value of belief
Trust in faith
Trust yourself to be
Honest truthful as it really is
Assess the situation as you ask God
for guidence
For the 10 commandments
is a beginning
If unsure reach up to The Lord
you have carried me so many times
And I know without your guidence
you're prayers the stories the spiritual
experiences when it hit you walked this earth
Died for us
Arose for us
To sit at the right hand
our Father
I believe
Mother Mary
Blessed us with his birth
Amen
Thank you for a place of
allowing us to have blessings
every single day
I must be vigilant in all that is true
Life is not fair
It is the way it is for reasons
Unbeknownst to us
The blessing is in the faith
I have for my Father

SO....
 

How many would feel Blessed to get to throw a baseball around with their spouse? I did today....gotta report though HER arm is far better than mine now. I had no clue what the nerve damage would do to fine motor skills and aim of a ball, let alone strength. Even so, it was fun, and invigorating.

Now That is a BLESSING. Yup, :D :grouphug:

Mark you rock!! :hug:

Blessed
 

Another day
another opportunity to BE.
Not so bad in the context
of living through pains we endure, eh?
We may reach out
and touch someone of significance
and say
thank you for Being

Sweet, :grouphug:

sweet it is
thank you for
being
me

Then...
 

Unfolds the Blessing of You BEING....
Ahhhh.... yes,
you Bless us all.

Great big :hug:z
Me

today we are
 

Father
Mother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

you we rejoice
our Holy Brother
i love with the reminder
with you in my heart
we keep your Spirit alive
on focus 3
what a beautiful place
to be
in our ups and downs
you are honored everyday
we are reminded of your work
while on this earth as a human
and believe you rose from
the dead still with his life for US
to never forget
died on the cross to be seated
at the right hand of the Father
we praise you on this weekend
and remember we are Gods
children

my granddaughter recites the "Lords
Pray" and soon to be three
how awesome is that

i think i'm on to somthing

Father Wednesday i go to a new doctor
to rule out osteomyelitis or metastatic disease
upon looking at my myelogram has found at L4 and L5
there is severe degenerative disc decease with loss of disc height, vacuum disc phenomenon, endplate sclerosis and productive osterophayte formation also a posterior disc bulge witch results in mild central canal stenosis and causes mass effect on the left L5 auxiliary sleeve
than i look at my most recent MRI
and at L3 and L4 hemangioma of the L3 vertebral body
a long inferior endplate of L3 and superior aspect of L4
there are adjacent degenerative endplate changes
there is mild right paracentral disc bulge also
a marked narrowing of right neural foramina
at L4 and L5 there is servere narrowing with adjacent endplate changes and there is mild facet orthrosis

so,

does anyone else see where i am going
my hemangioma just might be the lurking culprit
oh my goodness
now i will not rule out the possibility of it
being cancer a very small chance
as i am gaining weight
look healthy
and what more can i say
how ironic i pull my test that shows
the above

sweet Mother Mary
Amen

this i will bring to the doctor this week
oh goodness
could i be right
it makes sense
will have to wait and see
with the new doctor

i ask please Lord
hear our prayers
in Jesus i Trust
to all

Easter
 

Blessed
thankful
joyful
love filled
Blessed

:grouphug:

Some pictures from Easter sunday
 

My granddaughter baby Eva playing with her aunt

My granddaughter playing hide and seek with the family

Me and my granddaughter caught off guard by my daughter

Me trying to get a descent picture

My oldest and my youngest on corissas birthday

The cake decorated by my daughter and my granddaughter

it was a wonderful day
 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day
the most very important
thing was explaining
to little Eva using her rosary
beads she had picked has
Mother Mary and baby
and son on cross as an adult

explained when he grew up as a man
he taught us the poem
The Lords Prayer
and that he died
that he carried his cross
and like a sponge
absorbing every word
and then i continued
he carried his cross
then he was nailed to it
everything was dark it rained when he
died
they laid him in a stone tomb
and on the third
he rose from the dead
to go up to heaven
to meet his daddy
God
and will sit at the right hand
of his daddy
who we call God
it was awesome her
humming away loving it
awesome
Glory to God in the highest
and peace to his people
on earth
then explained he died for
for our sins
did not understand sin
yet
but it was
beautiful
Saraeve cooked all bake ziti
and roast turkey breast
awesome
then it was over
Corissa was growing
and now it is Eva turn
AMEN!

Corissa could only put on one picture at a time
that explains the posts

wishing all lots of love

dear friend

so amazed am i too
yet i can be who i am
this too i understand
this may sound sad
but i'm thinking ahead
i need to wear sandals
that have straps so i do
not fall
so i found sandals
and thought to myself
these will be easy for
my kids to put them on
not wanting to be a burden
then i think jeez little Eva
and i will be so close
shoot
she walks in the door
puts her shoes in the
closet as you walk into
the apartment
ya think the adults
would remember
ya know what i mean
the everyday pain we live with
this morning for the first time
in a long i woke up nauseous
my meds are still the same
need to smoke as it helps
get rid of it
completely
what happened
my body is rotting
a little bit each day
i reached it's my pique
at fifty i am fifty three now
you write how much less of
movement allowed throwing
i still cannot get over the pain
in my fingers
how i have to push myself
ie
my daughter Christine
Eva's mommy my daughter
say to me
"mom i'm so sorry
because if my body feels
like it does now
i can't imagine how you feel"
said to her
"i always had a high tolerance
to pain"
so for that my friend
i want to say
thank you for reminding me
of
i can just BE
with pain and all
do when i can
many times
soooooo over do it
and pay for it for a
couple of days
my home is not complete yet
so i try a little at a time
and i am grateful for what's
important to me
is my family
as tiny as it is
another day of BEING

Amen my friend

love all around the world
and celebrate

BEING

God my Father hears our prayers

i BELIEVE

in Jesus name

I BELIEVE

Dearest Eva!
 

and you are a wonderful
wise person also
who is loved very much in return
blessing to know you

new doctor
 

dear Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

dear Father
today i see a new doctor
this will help my brain a
whole bunch
just the thaught will not say it
i am not sure what this doctor
intends to do
all i needed to know
can either of the two
be ruled out
in my post i have come to
think there is a problem
but not "it"
i had "it" once before
did away with my breasts
i beg please
if it must
may it be the possibility
of it being an infection
that it is not detected in the blood
let it not have made it to my bones
bring some light to this heart
light to go on my back and you heal
i beg a miracle
this summer Eva joined the pool
this will be good for Corissa last summer
where she could still be a teenager
be at the pool with her niece
it will lots of fun

my sister is coming
i will follow her
will have all there
except son

speaking of my boy
Father take care of him
and allow the surgeon
who will have his heart
in his hands
turns out my boys
heart is being shorted
by nerves that are dead
and that his anxiety he
thought he and this
includes doctors he has
had several throughout his adult life
but it has been found
nuclear stress test found this
now they need to get in there
and get these deadened nerves
out may they be interfering
with the function
i know a bit about what is being talked about
i studied and received a certificate EKG Technician
the doctors said his heart working harder than it should be
can you spare him any hard times and that he be i hand you provide to do the job
his oldest sister will be there
as will i
to be there

only in Spirit
i will have Eva
he will have YOU

there is much to say thank you
for all you provide
blessings
from my Spirit to my obligations
without the trust and faith
is nothing
all is as it is suppose to be
i cannot express how much relief
it will be
my diagnosis big a big mistake
this too can be a possibility


in prayer
i shall put it in prayer
i have to pump up the faith
all will be manageable
my family will be with me
wouldn't have it any other way

i am wishing all
a beautiful blessed day
me

new doctor
 

will review meylogram report
and mri
will see him again
May 22nd
will start with blood work
and take it from there
my new internist
me
still waiting

will review
 

dear Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

today i woke up and thought to myself
what is happening
and what did i do to **** you off
as new doc John D'Acoonti
a pain specialist taking me on as a patient
also an internist
Father i am an interesting patient to him
he will review the two reports
and will asses what to do
in the mean time i am having
specif blood work
will have been ready for the doctor
this has been a long tiring day
i have nowhere to go
he recommended the pool
this i will do
did i upset you
if i did i'm sorry
i'm so sorry
me

to put pen to paper
 

dear Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

it is a gloomy day
cold body twitching in the night
how i must make my promise
it has been going slowly in the
right direction
Christine is working
we Corissa and myself watching
Eva

Corissa is now in the process of
having to get her GED preferably
on line and work part time
and find out what she wants to learn
to make a career and love what she does
i still feel i did the best in decision
making with her
it did not matter
i always was in contact
and it fell on deaf ears
no one took her under their wing
if anyone was paying attention
they could see
why
when she was in class a natural A-B student
there are only so many zeros and you fail
period
had her repeat the grade
all through the second year
on the phone with her guidance
gave teachers my number
was it ever used
yes
her math teacher
and that was short lived
no one listened
most importantly she was
able to see her faults
as did her donkey butt father
but
this now
is way too late
as they now left my child behind
"no child left behind" bull turd

dear Father
you know my input in all of this
what we are working on
i will not let her fall any further
it is my job to help her
support her
please help me with her
not to ever feel she cannot talk to me
as i am an open book with my kids
they still look for my input

Father
i would one day
see all my children
in a get together as
adults
under my roof
and see with loving eyes
and know you are the inspiration
the reason to live life to the fullest
and praise the Father
who makes things happen
your spirit lives in this apartment
and will live on forever
and ever
Amen!

may your day be filled with the Lord
and his promises
Amen!

What's going on
 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Thank you for another day

We are wakened again
Pain in my sleep
Hips knees throb
A beat of there own
Awakened again
To be in this world
is not easy
Rather for myself
it isn't easy
The pit of my stomach
is lost
Or is it the pit of my heart
Either case it does no feel good
Father
Guide this lost heart
I need to find something
that fills this hole
Father you know what I speak of
Not to go into depression
I do not know why
Spoke to my psychotherapist
a good session
As he reminded me
"It's not you"
Yet everything around me
i wind up becoming responsible for
He understands me he's begun to get me
He too a father
Be it may I live with this horrible
feeling for the rest of my life
So be it
Maybe I'll fake it till I get there
Nope not me
too may need me
I get passionate in everything
I do
But when my life is still
I am alone
On that physical and emotional pain
Who wants to be a burden to anyone
Who wants to listen to my bull turd
I have given my all and continue to
That will never change
My love for the human who
understands the road my life
and all the unecessary drama
The addict in all of my family
To experience watching my oldest
go through what her dealt cards were
to have removed a part of her brain
in hopes to stop her seizures and the
slew of out of touch pharmaceutical
companies and the outrageous price
they are is a CRIME
TO LISTEN TO THOSE ON HERE
SUFFER
What ever the case may be
When I read how overly
interested when in trial
mode of a SCS and or Pain Pump
To have a diagnosis like my most recent
MRI in itself and hold it all together
is certainly a task
it creeps up out of nowhere
bites me in the butt all over again
How is it I move on
One moment at a time
stay focused I am Gods child
We will be taken care of
As a human that had her life
change as much as mine in almost
four years now only what I can handle
This much I understand
I have many blessings in my
life and I must continue to remember
I am only in control of me
And can only be there when I'm needed
To help Corissa find passion in her life
AND GO FOR IT
She was taken out of school
as it should be a safe place
A place to learn
keep a child's interest
This was not the case
So new avenues we must take
Her progress is slow
We had to start at the very
BEGINNING
Baby steps
The PHONE limited
All from the beginning
listening skills
Following through
Take care of things
without being asked
HONESTY
the most important
of all rules
I thank God and
will never doubt that
his son died for our sins
Forgive me of my sins
Amen
I am such a passionate
human being
a passionate mother
and grandmother
It is just this weight of all the
turd I have to deal with alone
in real life
But made up in my cyber family
who I know are real
and share their experience strength and hope
for the future
And that's just live it when you can
I am so tired of talking of the pain
It is there I can't help it
Until my diagnosis is figured out
what the blank it means
maybe by then things will
be different
but for now
this empty feeling
Is it in my gut
Is it in my heart
Is it in my head

It is what it is
There is no option
I must follow through
There are times I MUST
SAY "NO"
Maybe then I'll see things
how they really
Corissa has to learn all the way
from the beginning
It is difficult looking at her
and yet to show me simple
orders things she should be
able to do simply
Yet that isn't the case
I am floored at the status
of the situation
just blown the blank away
Blessings dear Father
For a loving Son a mother
who watched him die
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in
Heaven
Jesus my brother
I know you lived in this world
as a human
I am human living
Spiritually in such depth
at times I can go on and on
in my head
the intensity real
Your powers real
Your promise real
Your love real
Your Fathers gift
Your Father in his soft
flannel worn shirt
with the aroma of love
Blessings you say
Ask
Father keep me alive long enough
so I can see my lineage do well
Be healthy
I have too much to do with my family
Eva needs me
I miss my dog
Me

Wow Eva
 

THAT is Some post! Grateful for all of it, I am.
Thank you for being a Blessing.
:hug:

So
 

What if your day has not gone as planned?
What if things seemed off kilter?
What if pain was awful and life ......well, sucked.....?
Could you, would you be able to feel Blessed?
I submit yup, you would.
It is all in perspective and perception.
There is something, no matter how seemingly tiny, which is for each today a blessing.
Truth be told, this is what has buoyed me through the decades.
Blessing.
A sky with warmth, or cold, with stars of night or sun of day,
A family member, or several of them,
A friend.....even one
A meal, for which I am thankful
Something to wear
A kindness, whether conferred or received,
Love, no matter whence it comes, to be loved even in friendship is blessing
The simple thing of just resting....between spasms of pain sometimes
How about taking a single Ghirardelli chocolate chip and letting it melt on my tongue.....a blessing, that....
I so enjoy blessings.....
Don't you? :grouphug:

chocolate
did someone say chocolate

Blessings come in many forms; but "chocolate", "sweets"; Oh My....I am overdoing many of these blessings lately. Unfortunately, they do not take a positive look on this body; but; "Oh Soooo Good" at the moment. Maybe, then, just for a little while instead of pain; we enjoy.

Yes indeed, Blessings are there, comes in many ways, just need eyes to see them. They are there!!!



Gerry

Father hear me
 

My body aches so badly
All I read is the bleak prognosis
of secondary cancer
The pain described I experience
Oh let this not be true
My blood will be taken
and I will be scanned by a
new machine that will go
to the molecular level
That will be in two weeks
Father stop my brain from doing anymore
Mother I cannot imigine the pain leaving
my family behind
Brother hold me
hold me tight
Squeeze the pain from my body
All symptoms are there
America Cancer Society on matatastic disease
my breast cancer is primary and loves bone
my hips knees feet throb
as I mention time and time again
my elbows my change in urinating
including bowel
and of course to opioids used help that
my pain in the bones hips started after
removal of both breasts
Brother carry me
Father make me strong again
My Spirit bruised
Previous problems seem to be trumped
the ****** up turd is I prayed to bring me home
the pain unbearable
This new type of scan machines name "I Thrive"
is what my new internists shall do along with a slew
of blood work
To have read all I could scares the turd out of me
Life expectancy is two years
This I did and should not have read
and I did
What else am I left with I know my body
something is going on
And I pray for it to be a miracle at work
Rip it from my body melt it away
Keep me sane
We just came from court
I have custody of my grandchild
Corissa needs me Eva needs me
my children need me
will I be spared to still be here for them
I can't explain the hurt the pain the fear of leaving them behind as they are not doing well physically too
Michael my boy will have heart surgery
Christine has diabiaties with her drug addiction she fights
everyday Saraeve and her epilepsy
Corissa lost in this world I must help her and Eva now
and I have only my two sisters younger than I both also
fighting their demons
and that's it
A father who checked out by killing himself
A woman who birthed us and wants nothing to do with us
as her man and his children became hers
And there she wrote
Hold on to me Father
Brother Mother Mary
I do believe
Forever yours
Me

Eva, I read your posts and the pain you face unimaginable, yet there it is in black and white. How is it you could be served with more than your fair share of the pie.

I know it's frightening to have read up on all that you have, I hear you lamenting that you did, yet I too would do the same. We are not women who sit idly by waiting for what may pass our way. Better to be prepared, better to know what needs to be done to live what life we have to the full in the time that we have, better to safeguard the future of those who will always know what you have done for them and better to pray for the miracle that may come, all this rather than be taken unawares.

We, your NT family are with you, say what you must, rant when you need and cry without fear. We are here for you every step of the way, painful as it will be for you, we will still live on in hope and in awe of all that you have achieved. I say we because I know it will be more than just me. :grouphug:

Dear Pam
Your words sooth my heart some
you have me pegged
thank you for the support
it sucks when things just pile on
and the mound never seems to move
Yet the fear of the unknown and the wait
well you know of course
You and all here do allow me to share
and know as you have already reached out
For this is God at work through persons such
as yourself who has an understanding
And in it all for sure is a reason
My love to you my friend my shoulder as well
Forever
Me

woke up this morning
 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

going to bed crying
waking up crying
is not a good thing
to work myself up is senseless
yet there still are no definitive
answer yet
i have a hard time as it is
yet i want to educate myself
so in the company of my doctor
i have an understanding of what
he is saying
this is what i do
try to get as much information
about my diagnosis this past January
i want so badly for the pain i feel in my lumbar
area that is active
not be the worse case scenario
secondary cancer of the bone
primary my breast cancer
crying crying crying just increases
all the bad things that are happening
to have two surgeon tell me
will not do surgery
"to many things are going on"
OKAY
what the blank does that mean
here now a doctor has taken me on as
a new patient not brushing off my diagnosis
Father help him show him what must be done
"i am a very interesting case"
he will not stop
this means the world to me
i do not want to be a burden
nor do i want to die prematurely
oh what a horrible feeling this is
it is so hard to sit idle and wonder

Father
i lack happiness
i don't mean my children
or grandchild all are my joy
but the happiness that shows on my face
not the frown sadness unknown fear
all poison
it is recommended i entertain the pool
something we already do
and it does do wonders
looking forward to it
your Love should be enough
i need help
i must find happiness
if i continue to feel as i do
i bring everyone else down
hence isolation
in my room
wondering wondering
what next
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
AMEN!

Hello!
 

My name is Jesika ,I'm not exactly in you group forums but I always enjoy reading and practicing my faith through you guys,a nice group,I don't pray or write like you,but I do have faith and know everyday we are alive enjoying the sunshine or rain is a blessing ,thanks for reminding us that !
By the way my forum normally is rsd/crps but for certain rules we can't post messages like yours so I'm glad I'm doing here and hope you guys don't mind,thanks for praying and for blessing each and everyone here,God bless you all as well and I thank my Lord for let me everyday live believing in his promise that one day we all going to be pain free and without any worries,he sent his only son to die and resurrect so we can be sin free thru him and his words ,I missed this so much,blessing to all of you and keep believing ,from Jesika ( eevo) :grouphug:

hi Jesika
this is the power of LOVE for one another
true love for one another
to have to live in today's world
isn't easy
but the power of JESUS CHRIST
our SAVIOR who sits at the right hand
of our FATHER
and MOTHER MARY
who suffered ultimate pain
as she watched her son
die for us
our sins
why we suffer
as we do
know how special you are
the power of FAITH
to know there are
persons out there who relate
Jesus Christ oh to have
seen him as human
to want to feel him in SPIRIT
to yearn the good feeling in the
end when you make the connection
with other here
and for that you are a Blessing
hello
me

Thanks Eva !
 

I noticed is been a hard and long way for you to be walking,also I'm sure all those days you never had walk alone,Jesus !our Lord had hold your hand every single time and he will continue walking next to you ,carry you every time you feel like falling,washing your tears away when you cry,he is there,.
I'm glad and appreciate your words,means so much to me ,also being bless everyday by trying to keep leaving in this condition but always with faith in my heart,God bless your kindness and your beautiful soul,I'm sure he had put you in many peoples ways and lives for a reason,to me the most simple but difficult for some others,to believe in God,his son and our mother ,that's the most simple way to describe what living with faith means,to,believe.
with all my respect and deep appreciation blessings to all as well ,from Jesika. :grouphug:

Push up date
 

Father

The bloodwork will be done Tuesday
I will be tested for several other
cancer markers for one of three
Be there my Brother hold me tight
Squeeze me that the wind is pushed out of me
Father be there to breath the life back into me
Mother watch my babies as I find out what
is going on
The scan will be done when I go to the
Dr. who took the oath leave no stone
unturned
Dad you know what your family is going through
watch over them if that be the only thing you do

Eva,

You are always in my prayers.


Gerry

and the call came
 

Father

what in the world is she up to
its done over fallen apart i told her
my family comes to me first
and she has the nerve to call and wish me
and my daughter Christine happy mothers day
is she nuts
calls me from her job taking care of and old lady
doing the same sneaky thing
calling me in secret

SECRET

HER WHOLE LIFE WITH ME HER ELDEST CHILD

SECRET

this was for what Father
what did she want out of secret lies
what hasn't she learned
all she did was mistakenly
birthed us
never to love us
but to lean on all her life
left me in charge watching my
baby sister
i was under 5
all this you know father
why the **** did she call
we share nothing
i owe her nothing
i want nothing
why the **** did she call
the salt is burning my open wounded heart
she continues to operate as she always has
the family is not hers to mess with
yet she continues to
and where do i shove this turd
to painful to even touch
her lies lies lies lies lies lies
may they go with her
they are her lies
keep me clear minded
not to care not to cry not to feel
i do not want her to infect me anymore
she is my evil being
any part of her i wish out of me
my doors were always open to her
she chose to never use it
this much i told her
after reminding her
the family has fallen apart
and all she has to say
i know
what the **** does she know
what the **** did she ******* call me for

Dear Gerry
Sending you happy mother day wish
Thank you for being there
Hope life has settled in a way
you can deal with everyday adversities
Way too much going on here
I have Corissa to help
And Eva now with us on a permanent level
I have to keep it together for them if anything
Hope you get to enjoy some yummy chocolate
Love
Me

A happy Mother's Day wish to anyone who needs it
 

Father
Brother
Mother Mary

Mother
Oh mother
Father forgive me and my harbored
feelings
Forgive this angry me
from hurting anyone
This is not my wish
just to be left alone
Not to be so angry
I am sorry

Mother Mary
Who suffered ultimate pain
For Jesus to have been loved by you
Not just wonder but know what was to come
I am sorry as my behavior is out the window
Making my meeting this morning
Hoping to feel a room filled with your spirit
Amen