God give me strength in my time. of need
 

after 7 years I don't know how to still face everyday with the pain and fear. God please give me the strength to keep continuing that just for myself but for those that love me and worry so much.

Dear God,

Not much has changed :) Can we renegotiate? Can we just get rid of that horrifying pain that i get in the neck/head when I wake up during REM?

I notice I'm the selfish one on the board with everyone else asking for help for others usually.

I was/am selfish. A greedy guy who wanted to own Wall Street. Now I just want enough relief from this head injury to go the distance. I already have 2 really SELFISH suicide attempts under the belt.

I am NOT suicidal right now and KNOW i can live with all the other symptoms.

It's just that this one makes me fear falling asleep.

I am not asking for a great life. I'm not even asking for a good life. Just a bearable one.

Mark God will take you into his arms,and give you salvation right now if you ask him through prayer. Put your hands together,shut your eyes,and ask him to come into your heart,and to forgive you for your sins. We have all sinned. He died for us on the cross so that we who have received him,and what he did for us on the cross,will be saved. This is called being born again.

He will be there for us tomorrow giving us strength to live through these things. He will renew our strength daily. He is eternal. He will always be there. He will be there when we are old.

So today is the day of salvation. Is He in your thoughts today? He has many things that he wants to tell you. Brokenfriend:grouphug::hug:

Hi Mark
 

You are not selfish. This is why NT is here Mark. Good Lord we all need someone when we are in terrible trouble. I am so sorry for all the symptoms you are experiencing. Also that dark road of depression lurks for all of us when pain becomes the over riding condition of our lives. I am amazed at how many people on NT including you, bear the pain with such dignity and grace. Never ever worry about telling of your pain here Mark. That is the best thing you can do. WE may only be saying hello from a computer, but there really is a live person right here who cares about you. Please continue on trying to get better. Can you read at all? Do you have any activity that helps to diminish the symptoms? Or at least give you a break from them?

Sleep happens for me, when I tend to over do things which I shouldn't. If I wear myself out, I have no choice but to sleep. Sometimes I read until the middle of the night, and just go to sleep with the book on top of me.

Wish you all the best, and that you can recover fully. ginnie:grouphug:

Kind of an all or nothing thinker. This isn't living. This is a nightmare.

The past nine years couldn't really have happened. I am not living on the couch of a half ex girlfriend,. im not really broke..im not 360 pounds. I've got a house and a great car and kids...and a solid position and huge 401k. We're going to take the kids to Disney world this year..they'll love it
I feel as fit as i ever did. My friends from childhood didn't desert me, my family did't call me horrible names and make terrible suggestions...i didn't end up in psych wards because of brain injury...i don't wake up terrified..i ont have fifty symptoms of brain injury...it's all not real...i'll wake up soon and this will all be over...because if this was real, i don't know what I'd do...

i CAN'T have no kids, no house, no car, no job, no 401k no health, fake friends an cruel family...at 46..no,,,.

I'm 37, with one hundred thousand in funds and a great job and will meet miss right and get married and have kids. by the time I'm 46, i'll be wroth over a million and goin to all kinds of parties with my kids and friends and family..its goin to be great..ill love my wife so much...i'll feel great physically...and stay at that job until i retire like i said i would...it's going to be a great future...God said so...otherwise i wouldn't know what to do...

Hello Mark
 

I do feel your pain in this last post. I so wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better.
You won't find fake friends here, or people that will call your names or hurt you. You are hurting enough. I am here if you ever want to talk. ginnie:grouphug:

Hiya Mark,

Do you like to read? I've got a book you might enjoy...might not. It's a young adult spiritual fantasy and you are welcome to it. If interested, PM me your e-mail addy and I'll send you the book electronically.

And by the way, thank you very much for continuing to reach out. There are people lurking right now, who are hurting just as bad but haven't found the strength to reach out yet. You are demonstrating how to do so. You might just be saving someone's life right now.