Loosing my will
 

Everyday, I wake up around 8:30 and cry. The pain is so unbearable I have to double my med dose just to be able to walk around before noon. The pain meds sadly are not working like they did at the beginning.

My wife I feel just hates me for being sick. She calls home to check on me and I can just hear the disdain in her voice when she asks the me the same question every time she calls, "How are you feeling today?" as if it is going to change and I will have gotten better somehow.

She called home today and caught me in tears crying because that is all I can do anymore. I can barely walk, haven't had a good nights sleep in years. I feel like I am really going crazy, I have never been depressed but I am guessing this is what it is like. And I am sick of doctors looking at me like I am some degenerate looking for pain pills! That makes me sooooo angry. :mad:

To think that I might never play music again is cracking my foundation. I pray, I talk to God, I ask him for strength to endure this difficult life. I can't loose my faith, but I feel it slipping away. Notr sure how many of you are Christians, but to the ones that are, please pray for me, and I will pray for you. Thanks for listening. Blessings to you all, hope you have a pain free day! ~Thaydrian

Praying for you.

If you need to double your pain meds to get up and going you need to talk to your doctor. Double dosing you will run out sooner then you should. Doctors will question you on what happened to them.

If you are in this much pain and the doctors you have are not helping find a new doctor.

hey bro,
I get PN from a head injury some time back. It doesn't get as bad as yours sounds, but I have other symptoms to make up for it :)

First, maybe its time to contact a therapist or psychiatrist before your depression becomes worse. Nip it in the bud, so to say.

Second, I don't think your wife would call you at all during the day if she weren't truly concerned, The question she is asking is routine and my girlfriend asks me that too every day.

Also, give this doctor another chance and then Get a new doctor if you are unhappy with this one. Keep looking until you are satisfied . It's your only choice. I have found two good ones recently after eight years, a neurologist and a psych...you have to keep searching if your current doctor isn't helping. the right doctor can make a HUGE difference.

Hang in there bro

Hi. I truly empathise with you and have been in your shoes and think everyone has been in that place where enough was more than enough. It could be from neuropathy, back pain, fibro, ms, or any other health issue. In my opinion Your wife is calling & checking on you because she loves you, not because she has disdain for you. You are in a dark place right now but you have a wife and a home and that is something to be grateful for. Don't let this illness rob you of those things. I am sure your wife is scared too because this is happening to both of you. Acknowledge her feelings if you can and thank her for her love and support and remember you are not alone. If you can look into physical therapy, light swimming or anything to get out of house and work on keeping your muscles active and working. Wishing you good health.

Hey there Thaydrian :)
 

Excellent observations/responses all around.

Thaydrian, I've been through it too, from the pain & depression (known as the vicious cycle) to folks (& DW) asking me how I am (or if there's anything they can do for me), to loss of abilities (livelihood/hobbies/interests) & dreams.

For me, knowledge has definitley been power (and a form of salvation). These experiences & feelings are normal/typical/par for anyone with chronic illness, and well documented. They are a form of grief. Being aware of these facets of humanity, and being able to recognize them for what they are as they are experienced/occurring, has helped me immeasurably to cope and survive.

Hope they're helpful,

Doc

Do you have an Integrative MD? An MD that can help with supplements and nutrition? There is a book called "Minding my Mitochondria" and it is good. Dr. Terry Wahls is also about to have a new book out also. The mitochondria/nerves have to get what they need so a good doctor that knows how to help is important.


It is scary and we all understand. Just remember it can get better, you just never know! :) What all are you doing right now for the nerves? I might have missed that post.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...gflowerbg1.jpg

Thaydrian, I'm sorry for your pain. Read the book of Job of course, who was in the same situation as you. My interpretation is also that your wife probably cares about you. Thank her for taking care of you and being concerned, even if you don't think she is. My wife asks maybe every few months. Remember this is difficult for a loved-one too.

Maybe if you could tell us a bit about yourself, we could help. Maybe you have on a different thread. What do doctors believe is the cause of your PN? What have you tried for relief (and don't say "everything":)). What type of doctors have you seen? What do you eat? How much do you move around? Do you exercise?
Ron

Good thoughts and well wishes
 

I don't have any great words of wisdom. I am just send you loads of good energy, along with everyone else, to help you find some strength.

Perhaps it's not disdain but frustration. She most likely feels helpless, in that she wants to do something to ease your pain but its out of her control.

My hubby asks about once or twice a month, and I can tell he's disheartened that I'm not getting better. He's significantly younger than me (13yrs difference), so I live in fear of losing him. He is faithful, it's not that I fear losing him to another woman, but that one day he will have had enough of taking care of a woman who is more 'needy' than his grandmother. That scares me. So I act braver than I am. I collapse in pain when alone. It sounds as though you do too. I get how lonely that is.

I find this forum very therapeutic. Just knowing that there are others like me who will read my words, empathise with my struggles, and offer genuine support makes this more bearable. The folks here are amazing, you are in the right place.

Hope you sort out some new meds soon and get back on track.