I think I inadvertently ruined my life
 

in April I suffered a concussion. My head bumped in someone elses at the gym. I feel nauseous, confused (but did not pass out or throw up) and go to the emergency where they tell me I suffered a concussion.

I take one month off from all activity, bedridden most of the time, and moving extremely gingerly, and moving my head around as little as possible.

after the month is up, I feel good, and feel like I haven't lost any intelligence at all. I start going back to the gym, which is a non contact cardio kickboxing class. I start noticing that my memory and concentration and ability to think logically decrease whenever I engage in any strenuous physical activity. So I reason that maybe my brain isn't ready for this yet and stop the physical activity. After said physical activity (which I took part in for about 20 days) I feel good and intelligent, and able to think logically, however at this point I am worried because my attention span while studying is less than it used to be. But I am relatively okay, and just figure I need to give it a little time

One day, I eat a disgusting calorie laden sandwich which was giving me stomach trouble, so I induce vomiting and throw it up, I also notice that purposely throwing up puts alot of pressure on my head. After this, I notice that my concentration has slightly improved. Over the next couple of days I force myself to throw up several times maybe 8 or 9 times.

Now the nightmare begins. It has been 15 days since I last threw up, and my ability to reason and think logically has completely disappeared, I can't even have the same level of conversation with people I was capable of prior to this. I am bewildered and looking for a reason as to why this has occurred after I forced myself to throw up . I am not educated in how the brain operates, but part of me believes that the new connections my brain made after my concussion were "short circuited" when I exercised and got my blood pumping, I feel like throwing up has caused my brain to go to back to these damaged pathways permanently, or that throwing up has decreased my threshold for strenuous activity to an extremely low level and I will be intellectually handicapped for the rest of my life. It is extremely disturbing to me because of possibly how preventable it is for me to suffer this fate.

what is going on in my brain?

So sorry!! sounds like it is time to see a neurologist... look into some vestibular therapy and lay off the high impact cardio... just some light stuff for now.. no weights.

You need to tell someone close to you (parents, good friend) about you inducing vomiting because of that "disgusting calorie laden sandwich".
You didn't do any permanent damage forcing yourself to vomit once.
See your doctor as soon as possible also and tell him Everything.

I am sorry this happened to you (sorry for all those suffering). However there is no value or utility in contemplating what you would've could've should've done. The past is gone; however you can still change your future. I struggle with this myself, but guilt or worry is not only useless, but it takes away the energy you should be directing towards your recovery.

I refuse to resign to an opinion that I may not fully regain my cognitive functions. A doctor's opinion is exactly that: an opinion. It is an opinion based on science, which has yet to understand much of how the brain works. However, there are exceptions, scientifically inexplicable recoveries, spontaneous healings. I will be an exception. I will recover or die trying.

EDIT: sorry a bit of a rant at the end...

Have you considered that your symptoms are from anxiety post concussion? I fell down a path where I felt everything I did was worsening my symptoms but it turned out that worrying about the symptoms was the cause of the majority of them.

I'm nearly 5 months in and trust me, it gets a lot better. Just have patience, your life isn't ruined. Progress is just very slow sometimes.

Like i said get to a doctor very soon Tell him you made yourself vomit and that you thought it was making you think clearer. Tell him you don't feel well again And like i Said, tell someone close to you as soon as possible everything you did and why you did it. they will understand and help you.

is a pretty strong statement. Six months probably seems like forever but in the TBI/PCS world it's really not that long a time.

As others mentioned it does sound like you need to be medically evaluated. You have some symptoms that are relatively common with PCS, but your anxiety isn't helping. I'd see a neurologist, after that a physiatrist visit might be helpful to develop a therapy strategy.

Worry and ruminating on your anxiety isn't helpful. Developing a recovery plan with professional guidance will be.

Best to you as you recover.