I Decided.
 

Last few the night was horrible for me. It was painful. For the past few nights I haven't been sleeping just laying in bed in the cursed half sleep state....praying and trying to force myself to sleep. Ugh. So whIle I've been dealing with that I've also been dealing with some very new very harsh and new limitations.....
So with my new spread it now continuing very rapidly, and aggressively....
I'm still waiting for the Ketamine infusion too...of course the insurance isn't making it any easier....
So last night right before I logged on to NT I had myself a little epiphany. The negative venting that I do from time to time, thought can be therapeutic from time to time, wasn't what I needed right now! I needed the positive and good, the healthy and strong that can be made from these long battles!
I also have thought of a kind of documentary/fundraising/awareness idea I don't want to go to far into it but if my lawsuit pans out.... I might just have found an inner calling to keep me going....
Some inner food for thought anyways...
Still a tough night, and longer road as head though. I made a few tweaks to my poem this morning I meant to make last night and forgot to last night.lol. my Crps has really been messing up my memory lately :winky: here's hoping for a better day for us all!!!!

I am so sorry you have been having such a rough road lately.....however, I always try to see it as a path to somewhere and it sounds like you may have seen some light at the end of the tunnel. I sure hope things ease up for you soon!

I loved the last part of your poem it moved me deeply Thank you so much for sharing it

No thanks required! But thank you. It really means a lot to me too...the trademark burning pain we all have and loathe and sometimes feel consumed by.....truly does forge a strength I think some of us forgetc or can't see in ourselves. I know I'm guilty of sometimes wallowing in my own misery s little. But when you have to deal with what we have to deal with on a daily basis constantly, and I mean constantly it's easy to do sometimes.
I guess today is a good/bad day lol! Bad in that my pain is horrid, but good that emotionally I think I've turned a kind of new leaf so to speak. I'm sure I'll still have days I'll want to cry, or feel like screaming with frustration. It's always harder in the beginning, when you're still figuring out your new limitations, and what you can or cannot do. But I'll get there....
I'm just really glad that my poem which as an artist, I used to play guitar and write my own music and am still a singer, is a piece of my soul, could touch yours and maybe find some of your own strength!

Havimg the fight we all are on makes me think in many occasion there is no reason any more to be here,but when I see someone struggle with pain and confusion ,the call of the heart makes me comeback and who I'm , a person who want so support and give comfort to others like me.
We all,will experienced and suffer bad and good days ,many days bad are more often nit know one thing,we all care and wish non of us ever suffer any more ,hope,and faith got me all this time always hoping for better days and I hope same better days for you,I'm not in many times the most logic and well express person but I mean good and always support will be coming from my Side ,so I'm here and telling you ,it will be ok soon,relief will come in some way just wait for it .
I had the past month the most awful time ever but I did survive and I'm still trying to move on ,at least I'm still here ,alive giving hope to others ,don't give up,keep being yourself and give the best of you, many we care for real and sure we all understand ,even when we are not here,we do support and understand each others pain,gentle soft hugs and never give up ,your dreams and talented mind shouldn't be waited ,write and we will read ,share your life and emotions ,we need something to believe on ,is your turn now to makes us stay here for you,we all love you and support ,sadness ,kick the butt away and share whatever is in your mind ,is important to sharer,always follow the path you suppose to and try again and again,you are always bless ,keep that in mind ,with love ,Jesika .:grouphug:

always hold onto hope Songbird. sorry about your spread. i'm proud of you for wanting to raise awareness though. way to go girl! sending soft hugs your way.